


A Journey Home

by Eccehomo



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: British Military, Child Abuse, Enemies to Lovers, Fighter Pilots, Homophobia, Larry Soul Mate Exchange, Larry Soulmate Fic Exchange 2020 (One Direction), M/M, Major Character Injury, Military Homophobia, Minor Character Death, Miscommunication, Panic Attacks, Past Lives, Past Relationship(s), Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prophetic Dreams, Sad with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Soulmates, Supernatural Elements, World War II
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:55:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 65,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28332723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eccehomo/pseuds/Eccehomo
Summary: A WWII EPICA tale of love, loss and finding a place to call home.---Note: It's important to keep an open mind while reading this story. I've come across many non-fictional accounts written by soldiers that describe many of them witnessing unexplainable events, hearing strange sounds/voices or seeing figures and objects in places they shouldn't be. It only made sense to add that spiritual element to my story to create depth and mystery.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Comments: 22
Kudos: 22





	1. A Dive in the Drink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is a mash-up of WWI and WWII. It’s centered around a war that was fought in Gallipoli, Turkey which took place in WWI. However, I have decided to set the timeframe around WWII so that 1) I can include the Spitfire and 2) shed light on the battle of Malta which will come at the end.
> 
> There were so many books and series that have inspired this story but two in particular deserve massive shout-outs:
> 
> 1) Gallipoli - Australian TV series on Prime Video. It's definitely worth the watch.
> 
> 2) The Falcon of Malta which is an autobiography of RAF pilot George "Buzz" Beurling who inspired Louis' character in this story.
> 
> Here are some glossary terms to help guide you:
> 
> RT – Radio telephone  
> OTU – Operational Training Unit  
> RAF – Royal Air Force  
> Spit – Spitfire (RAF fighter aircraft)  
> CO – Commanding Officer  
> Schmitt(s) – Messerschmitt (German fighter aircrafts)  
> Knots – unit of speed 1 knot = 1.15 mph

**_ February 9, 1942 – Squadron 249 of the RAF does a routine sweep over the Dardanelles Strait _ **

“Hawkeye to Control Tower. We’ve got enemy approaching at 2 o'clock at approximately 35,000 ft.” Louis call out over his RT.

His eyes detected them as soon as his formation turned facing true north. They were only speckles of grey dots in the distant – likely invisible to the others but not to him. That was Louis' special gift.

“Control Tower to Hawkeye, don’t break formation until we’ve confirmed.” Comes the response.

Louis keeps his eyes peeled to the right while he awaits the confirmation. He feels himself growing restless while flying aimlessly. He leans forward in his cockpit with a stiff back and looks over to Liam who is flying opposite side. He sees that Liam is already looking at him and giving him that familiar cautionary look.

“Control Tower to Jag, please confirm if you see incoming Messerschmitts at 2’clock.” 

Albert ‘Jag’ Jones is their Squadron Leader. He’s been their leader since Louis and Liam transferred over about 3 months ago from their Operational Training Unit (OTU) in Aston Down.

That’s where he and Liam first became acquainted. It hadn’t taken long before the two naturally fell into rhythm with one another. Perhaps they were a bit outcast and that’s the reason for it but no one can deny that those two just understood each other in the sky. You couldn’t fly one without the other.

Their Commanding Officer (CO) back at OTU was quick to team them up as wingmen and had them practicing formations day in and day out with the rest of the training unit. They’d spent countless hours up in the sky in Vs or V of Vs, or echelon, or line abreast or astern, moving in and out of respective formations.

It was a lot of flying and a lot of playing by the books which Louis didn’t take to easily. It was no surprise then that Liam found himself called into the Orderly Room often. Louis had a reputation for pulling stunts and Liam appointed himself to take on the responsibility for installing order and discipline in Louis’ life. It never did work out but Louis got lucky anyway. His skilled flying and shooting accuracy was the reason they let him graduate.

It was also at the OTU that the call sign ‘Hawkeye’ was given to him.

“Negative, Control Tower. There’s nothing on radar and I don’t see anything approaching.” Louis hears Jag respond over the RT. He scoffs and rolls his eyes. Another new day but the same old recycled shit.

He is never taken seriously when he calls out on the sightings. It isn’t until time has run out or tragedy strikes that they realize he was right all along. He doesn’t know many more trials and errors must be undertaken before they finally surrender their doubts. He is Hawkeye for a reason. The name didn’t come to him by mistake.

“Control Tower to Hawkeye, please stay in formation. Sightings not confirmed by your Squadron Leader.” 

Louis grits his teeth. He looks back at Liam who gives him a sympathetic shrug. Liam doesn’t doubt his sightings. Never has.

“I’m telling you, I see them approaching.” Louis decides on one last attempt of conversion. “I’m not going to fly in circles while they close in!”

“Hawkeye! you have direct orders to stay in formation!” The Captain is infuriated with him. It’s the kind of relationship that remains constant between them. Louis can’t be bothered to obey their orders anymore, he turns off the RT with a loud smash to his dashboard and curses and his breath.

His eyes continue to follow the greyish dots in the distant horizon. They are starting to come into better focus now. His hand dives back to the RT and he spins the knob to tune into Liam’s frequency. The feedback is a little muffled but it does the trick.

“Payno, do you copy?” He asks. 

“Loud and clear.” 

“I’m going in mate. You want to fly idle or bark with the bandits?” 

“Tommo I heard the Control Tower telling you – ” 

“DON’T BE A TOSSER. I’M GOING IN!!” Liam is overridden by Louis’ voice screeching through his headset. He squints his eyes at the buzzing pain that penetrate his ears. Of course Louis is going to defy orders. It’s what he does best.

Louis banks right and away from his formation. He pulls his yoke back and brings the nose up to climb higher. She goes up without a fuss or a shudder. He loves the controls on the Spitfire. She’s a bit finicky to handle at first but the right pilot can make her fly as if she were a graceful bird in her natural element.

He hears Liam yelling after him but Louis isn’t turning back. He’s going to prove to this Squadron and RAF unit that his sightings are not imaginary and if they would just put aside their prejudice and elitism than perhaps they can save more planes from being destroyed never mind the lives of the young pilots.

Liam’s begins to sweat in his cockpit. His eyes are darting between back and forth between Louis’ Spit, Jag’s Spit and the gaping hole to his right where Louis was flying just moments ago. He feels his adrenaline pump through his veins. His body is preparing itself for the fight.

He takes a deep breath and collects himself. He breaks right and out of formation despite Jag’s orders for everyone to remain in formation but Liam won’t have it. He’s made a promise to follow Louis into battle, punishment and even death. That’s the kind of man he is.

Louis turns his head back to see whether Liam has joined him. He caught the deep breath that Liam took over the RT and he had a hunch. He chuckles to himself and shakes his head. One thing he is certain of is that Liam can never let him down. This is true wingmanship, a kind that is unrivalled.

“ATTA LAD!!!” Louis screams into the RT.

“Oh shut it!” Liam hollers back. “You know I hate breaking code!”

It’s true he does. There’s a good reason for it too. Liam comes from a military background. His father served as bomber with the Flying Corps in the first War and his grandfather had been a soldier during the Boer War in South Africa. He had a reputation to uphold for the family's sake but it’s just his luck that he fell in with a maniac that had a death wish.

“So why’d you come?” Louis teases again.

“Cause I’m not gonna stand by and watch you get your death handed to you on silver platter by a bunch of schmitts!!” Liam yells back.

Liam catches up and flies on his wing tip. He looks over and sees that Louis is grinning at him through the canopy. He gives him a daring smirk which Liam reciprocates. It’s just so easy to fall for Louis’ charms.

Liam does the only reasonable thing to do and tunes back in with the Control Tower. He can hear the RAF Captain yelling obscenities and threats so he decides to remain silent and see whether they’ve caught on to his connection.

Liam starts scanning the skies in the direction that they are flying. He squints trying to get the sunlight out of his eyes and sees the emerging schmitts that Louis spotted earlier.

 _Here comes trouble._ He thinks to himself and radios the Control Tower right away.

“Payno to Control Tower.” He waits for the screams to die out before he continues. “I confirm we have visitors. We are going to need backup.”

Liam’s greatest talent is remaining calm and composed even under the most treacherous situations. Louis doesn’t know how a person can have so much composure but he thinks Liam’s a great balance to his contrasting traits and he is grateful for it. _Sometimes._

“Send over your coordinates and their position. Reinforcements enroute.” Liam can hear the disdain in the Captain’s voice but he doesn’t have time to apologize. He quickly follows orders and sends over the coordinates and then buzzes Louis when the coordinates are confirmed by the Captain.

“Okay, so what’s the plan Tommo?”

He’s the only one that calls him that. It was a nickname he had given him before the call sign was officially instated. Louis didn’t mind it. Not one bit. He wanted Liam to be special in that way and set apart from the others that he deemed _‘_ too elite’ or ‘stuck up’.

“I’m still working on that. Tryna see if I can guess their numbers from here but the sun’s being a bit difficult.” Louis squints harder to filter the light from his eyes and focus on the greyish dots in distance. “I'm guessing 3 V of Vs.” He adds in. 

“Fly over and surprise attack from behind? That should give the others time to catch up.” Liam suggests.

“Don’t think so mate.” Louis looks over to him from the cockpit. “We go any higher than 10,000ft from here and were fucked. We will need to bottom for this.” Louis responds.

“Bottom attack?” Liam confirms.

“That sounds nice.” Louis smirks.

“Oh piss off Tommo.”

Louis wriggles his eyebrows in response. “Let’s try to get them to face the other way, at least the sun can distort their vision.”

He slips a hand over his dog tags and gives it a good squeeze. He needs to be reminded of the words that give him courage.

He looks back to Liam and flashes him a thumbs up. _It’s go time!_

* * *

**_  
February 9, 1942 _ ** ** – _On Board the HMS Belfast sailing for Gallipoli_ **

The heat from the Mediterranean sun is causing sweat to trickle down Harry’s back and damping his uniform. He’s not used to this much sun in February. It’s a nice change but he’d prefer it in a swim suit. He wipes at the beads of sweat that form over his forehead. He is daydreaming again.

His eyes are caught on the crashing waves that rock their ship back and forth. They’ve been on the HMS Belfast for five days now. They left their checkpoint in Gibraltar two days back and that was the last time he stepped foot on solid ground. The stillness of it seems almost foreign to him. The turbulent waters are more appropriate for his troubled thoughts anyway.

The first two days had been quiet and dull. The soldiers were all enwrapped in deep thoughts and memories. There were some who appeared nonchalant about going off into the war and a few rare ones who were in good spirits. Niall had been one of those few rare ones.

Harry, Zayn and Niall were all assigned to the same sleeping quarters. The fourth guy, George, didn’t seem interested in bonding with fellow comrades. His energy was tainted with gloom. They soon learned to give him space which meant sparing him the sleeping quarters while they converged on the deck or in the common rooms.

Harry’s never known anyone shier than himself. Zayn was the first. He kept to himself with a book in hand. Harry had caught him looking his way a few times and was studying him curiously. Harry found his deep brown eyes intimidating and he didn’t like being watched. He worried that Zayn would somehow learn his secret if he stared long enough. 

Harry didn’t expect to make any friends and neither did Zayn. Except Niall was always engaging in conversation. He was always trying to pull them into a discourse or some form of indulgence. At first they remained quiet and reserved but Niall soon learned how to swoon them in. And when the ice finally broke, Harry took kindly to Zayn. He was no longer intimidating but easy going and it was no longer watching but looking over to make sure he was alright. They had an easy time getting along and Niall somehow made sure of it.

One the third day, they had learned that Niall was underage. He had falsified his documents and come over to England to enlist. The recruiting officers had no expertise in Irish documents and took his word for it when he told them he was living in England and tending to farms.

Harry was bewildered at first. He was caught in a moral battle between telling the authorities or keeping Niall’s secret. He figured since Niall’s parents had heard of the news than it may be okay to let him come along. Besides, his own dampened spirit could use some of Niall’s eccentric energy.

Niall shared his stories with ease. They knew everything about his life. He came from poverty. There was little room in Ireland for prosperity and wealth. His dad was car mechanic and his mum stayed home. He only had one brother and he was unfit to serve.

Harry never shared his story and neither did Zayn. They kept up appearances and always found a way to deflect any questions leading up to the personal lives that they left behind. Niall left that alone. It wasn’t his business to meddle. He watched them carefully and often took to his Journal. Harry was fond it. He liked that Niall had an outlet of sorts. A private one that afforded him personal freedom. Harry wondered what that was like. He hadn’t any solace in any shape or form. All he had was a distraught mind that snatched him from reality and demanded his attention.

“Harry!” Niall shouts at him. “Did ya here what I said?” Harry shakes out of his daydream and sits up. “No, sorry, what'd you say?”

“I was telling Zayn here that I could steal a keg from the cargo container. He’s bet 5 quids that I can’t get off without bein’ caught. You want a gamble?”

Harry squints at him as if it’s the most absurd thing he’s ever heard. “I’m sorry. Why? – ” He sits up straighter. “Why are you doing this?”

“So we can have a drink mate. What about it?” He eggs him on.

“Niall…” Harry gathers his rational voice for the next part. “That’s a terrible idea mate.”

“Let him try.” Zayn is already smirking at Harry. Harry can see that it’s amusing to him but he would never forgive himself if Niall got pried away from their group. He was the heart and soul of it.

“No. Absolutely not.” Harry protests. “Niall, you’ll do no such thing.”

“Ah common, let’s have a bit o fun.” Niall responds.

“You realize that if you get caught, you’ll be shipped home right?” Harry tries to intimidate Niall and remind him of how hard he’s worked to come here. It couldn’t have been easy trekking to London alone and standing in the recruiting office handing over forged papers.

“Doubt it. They’ll keep him on as a cleaner or some other form of punishment.” Zayn says in retaliation.

He really wants this to happen. He’s knows that if anyone can get away with something reckless then Niall would be the one man for the task. A drink wouldn’t hurt either. Only the Lord is privy to the anxiety that consumes him. A drink would offer him release. A temporary one but he’ll have it nonetheless.

“No.” Harry protests again. “I forbid it. I won’t have any part in this.”

Harry gets up from where he is seated and stretches his limbs. Behind him, Niall and Zayn exchange looks that confirm they’re both on the same page. _The bet is on!_ and with it comes some excitement.

“Arite. I‘m going to go write in me journal then. Catch you later.” Niall winks at Zayn and trails off deck.

Harry stops stretching and looks over to Zayn. “You better not be plotting behind my back!”

Zayn raises his arms in surrender. “I’m not planning anything.” He lies.

“Good.”

Harry sits back on the bench and rests his chin on his chest. He waits patiently for Zayn to finish his cigarette before they decide on their next less-than-amusing task to pass time.

* * *

  
“Easy catch!” Louis says to himself as he shoots his gun at the schmitt’s starboard engine. The only problem is his miscalculation. He should have been at least 15ft closer to put some real damage in the engine. The shots ricochet off the fuselage. “Fucking hell.” He curses under his breath for the third time since he’s engaged.

It’s been 10 minutes since he and Liam have engaged a dogfight and 3 minutes since backup arrived. The first 7 minutes were a breeze. He and Liam slipped up from behind and shot at a schmitt completely undetected. They teamed up on the tail-end-charlie flying the far right formation. His guess at the 3 Vs of V formation wound up being accurate. Which was unfortunate because the odds were stacked against them. At least for the 7 minutes.

Once they successfully brought down the plane they dived down and waited for the Luftwaffe to come after them, and once they did, they pointed their noses up and dove up in opposite directions to separate the fights.

Louis took on 3 schmitts whom he lead up and over teasing them with his stunt flying skills. One of them eventually gave up and went back up to cruise while the other two tried to get him on target except his sporadic flying made that difficult and he was behind them before they could blink.

Liam took out two fighters from their formations and he let them fly at his wing tips comfortably before he rolled over and away. When they gained up on him on a straight path, he rolled back so that they were now facing the sun. As Louis predicted, they lost their sight for some time while he slowed down and let them get ahead. It was a good feeling to outsmart your opponents. Especially if it’s the Luftwaffe. Liam knows they are skilled pilots and he has seen some stellar shows during his time here on the Dardanelles.

Hell lets loose when their backups arrive.

The sky is instantaneously littered with shots and planes and it only makes it difficult to pry out the enemy from your comrades. This is the kind of test that separates good pilots from the bad. If you did your homework right, then you can tell them apart from any angle without having to see their starboard mark.

Spitfires and Messerschmitts were not alike but Liam can understand how a rookie pilot would mistake them for one another under extreme pressure and stress. That’s the real battle. The one inside the pilot’s head.

Liam is closing in on the right schmitt when he hears Louis’ call over the RT.

“Payno, could really use some help right now.” He says.

Louis only calls for him when he is in serious trouble. He is an apt fighter pilot and manages his dogfights on his own. He knows when to boogie out and when to attack so when the call comes it’s a bit of a surprise.

“What are your coordinates?” Liam asks while abandoning his own line of attack.

“At 2200ft south west, got me a party here eager for some meat.”

Liam can hear the tension in his voice despite his attempt at humor.

“On my way over.” Liam reassures him.

Louis tries to outsmart the schmitts by flying high and doing some rolls, just a distraction until Liam gets there. He’s flown these bastards far from the scene of action that not a single spitfire is in sight. Louis feels a rattle shake his plane. “FUCKING HELL!” He screams as he pushes his yoke down and takes another dive towards the strait.

“What?!” Liam shouts through his headset. “What just happened?”

“My plane’s been shot.” Louis says.

“Are you hurt?” Liam asks.

Louis hadn’t bothered to check on himself. He was too busy trying to keep his Spit out of target. He quickly scans his body over and sees that nothing is visibly bleeding. “Negative Payno.”

“Sit tight. I’m approaching at 400 knots.” Liam’s grows anxious as he swooshes past a number of other planes.

Another shot shakes Louis’ Spit.

These schmitts are relentless. He struggles to steady the plane and level her out. He won’t have her spinning while diving down because that’s just suicide. When he gains control over her instruments, he pulls the throttle for more speed. He’ll attempt whatever he possibly can to buy himself some extra time. Except that doesn’t work out as planned the schmitts catch up with ease. He feels his chest tightening. Rarely does he feel this suffocated but it’s his own fault that he’s got 6 hungry schmitts closing in around him as though they are escorting him out.

His call sign gets called through the RT but Louis doesn’t register.

“Someone call for me?” He asks.

“I see you Hawkeye, we’re coming down for an attack. Hold tight.” It’s Jag's voice.

“Roger that.” Louis answers him.

Louis’ Spit takes another hit from the back. He ducks down as a precaution and winces when his head hits the dashboard. He looks around frantically trying to search the air for Liam or Jag or any other spitfires but he can no longer see through the smoke that quickly engulfs his plane. He pushes back the canopy and coughs out the fumes that choke around his throat. From the corner of his eyes he sees that his propeller is slowing down and that’s not good news either. She’s ready to retire. He quickly retrieves the photographs on his dashboard and stashes them in his Mae West vest.

He’s gotta notify the Control Tower. “Mayday! Mayday!” He shouts.

“Baling out! Jag and Payno have my coordinates!”

He doesn’t wait for a response. He quickly yanks off his headset and unstraps himself from his seat. He climbs out of the cockpit and makes the jump before any more shots come his way. The schmitts see him bail and fly away.

Louis hears the familiar sound of Spit engines now closing in. He watches as 6 Spits dive down on the Luftwaffe and pry them away. It’s a man on man fight. He hangs there helplessly from his parachute as chaos unfolds over his head. 

His fight is short lived today and all he has to his name is one assist. This is one of his worst performances yet.

He looks down at sea that now awaits him. It’s not a long way down but he dreads it.

Baling is one thing of few things he hates about this job. Not only is he out of the game but now the agonizing period of waiting for rescue awaits him. It’s a feeling of helplessness that he can’t stomach.

He looks down at the sea and sees that the water is still. Not many waves. That eases his nerves a bit. He runs his hand over the parachute straps getting ready to rip it off so that he can inflate his Mae West.

He plops into the water and inflates her. He hears a Spit engine nearby and looks up. A lone spitfire flies overhead and wags its wings at him. It’s gotta be Liam. He waves up at him. What a fuckin’ trooper that one. A proper partner if anyone has ever seen one. He lays back in the water and allows the slow current to take him. Liam remains overhead for another 5 minutes until the rescue Chopper arrives.

Once he’s lifted up Louis sees that his hand is covered in blood. He must’ve sliced it while hastily disembarking his plane. No real damage though.

“Christ Tomlinson, how many times have you hitched a ride back with me?” The Chopper pilot asks.

“This is only my second time James. Not that anyone should be keeping count!”

James chuckles at him and catches his eye in the mirror. He smiles at Louis and sees that Louis smirks back.

They have an interesting relationship but Louis likes him. He likes the simplicity of his character and his humbleness. He’s also an important asset to the RAF. Everyone respected him and Louis spent some time with him when their schedules afforded it.

James is a few years his senior who hails from Ipswich. He's left 2 young children and a wife behind. Prior to the war, he was flying helicopters as part of the Navy rescue crew. His involvement with the Military far exceeded Louis’ time so Louis was grateful for some of weather-related flying tips he offered him. 

Louis strips off his wet jacket and presses it over his wound. There’s a heaviness in his limbs from his soaked uniform. He lays his head back and closes his eyes. There’s a strange fatigue that consumes him despite his little action. Just another day at war. It tends to have that affect.

* * *

  
As expected, Harry and Zayn didn’t find much to do after Niall had taken off. They volunteered to help some of the hand crew with washing the deck and sorting out the tangled life jackets. There wasn’t much to do onboard the ship so chores weren’t really off putting, in fact, it was welcome by the idle mind.

They had their dinner in the dining hall where Niall joined them briefly and scarfed down his food. He excused himself earlier than usual and Harry grew suspicious. It didn't go unnoticed by Niall so he told him he had volunteered to help the stewardess with some evening laundry. Harry lifted an eyebrow and Niall chuckled.

“Okay so she’s a young flamin’ babe. Now if you’ll excuse me, I would like to get back to her. Better than seeing your dull faces anyway.”

Harry budged only slightly and Zayn reassured him that he didn’t think Harry had a dull face. Harry blushed at the compliment and dropped the subject. At least that seemed to distract Harry away from Niall’s departure. Zayn would like to think so anyway.

They soon retired to their sleeping quarters for a game of chess. Chess and cards were the only entertainment on board the ship unless an arm wrestling match broke out in the common rooms. But that was rare. It only happen when two egos needed to sort out the better alpha.

They’ve been at their game of chess for an hour, when the door creaks open and Niall whispers out to Zayn.

“Be a good lad and help me carry this in.” He says.

Zayn jumps off the bed without a wasted second and Harry sees that his worst fear has been realized. Niall has stolen government property and he’d be an accomplice to the crime. This is exactly the kind of news that would make his parents proud!

“You are fuckin’ genius!” Zayn pats Niall on the back as they drag the keg into the room. It’s a darn good thing that George is already sleeping.

“You can’t be serious.” Harry says.

He stands over them with his hands on his hips. He’s never been one to miss out on some fun but the risk of them getting caught impales him. _Rightfully so._ He’s come to war with a plan in mind and this can shoot it all to hell. 

“What’s a little harmless fun?” Niall says with cheery tone.

Harry bites on his lips. He’s not sure whether he should take his leave or keep another secret. Niall is forcing too many secrets on him but he’s been here a minute and there are no uniforms chasing after him.

Perhaps Niall was stealth and they won’t be caught. There’s some room for relief that Harry’s willing to entertain.

“Did anyone see you do this?” Harry whispers.

“Not a living soul!” Niall smirks and goes back out the door. He comes back in holding a few mugs. “Here… I brought one for everyone, including that bloody wanker who is too good for us.”

He passes the mugs around quickly. “I gotta bring this trolley back or the stewardess will have me head. Go on! Get this party started!” He smirks again visibly proud of his fine work.

“Niall!” Harry hisses.

“Yeah?” He turns back from the door.

“I’m not okay with this.” He tries to keep his voice at a whisper but it comes out rather loud.

Niall shrugs with a smile. “Okay. Then don’t drink mate." He looks over to Zayn. "All the more for me and me good lad here.” He slaps Zayn’s shoulder but Zayn is too busy staring at the keg with golden eyes.

He doesn’t even mind that he’s out 5 quid. It’s hella worth more for the beer!

* * *

After Louis gets his hand looked at, he gets word that his CO has requested to see him. He sighs knowing that a lecture and an hour of scolding await him. He takes his time changing into dry clothes and finally slips his tail between his legs and walks into his CO’s office.

Liam is already inside and nodding along to whatever bogus the CO is feeding him.

He looks visibly remorseful. An image that Louis has seen time and time again. He feels a little guilty but he knows Liam can stand his own ground. If anything, Liam always seems to coax the superiors into handing down lesser punishments. He has that effect on people by the way he politely agrees with their accusations and reassures them that it won’t happen again.

Except it keeps happening and they can only play that card so many times before all trust is lost.

Louis stands to attention and waits for the clearance to sit down. “At ease, Lieutenant Tomlinson.” His voice is so bitter Louis can almost taste it.

Their CO, Arthur William Tedder, served as a pilot and Squadron Commander in the first World War. When the second war came around he was assigned as an Air Commanding Officer with the RAF. He was a respectable man who was known for transforming young pilots into national heroes.

Louis respected him as much but he hated not being taken seriously. Today marks the third time that he’s given warnings of approaching enemy crafts that were dismissed by the RAF and chalked up to his imagination.

He hates to admit it but he got off on the wrong foot with his CO because of his own foolishness. In his second week on the Dardanelles Strait, he was feeling antsy and decided to stunt fly over the Helles landing where the British troops took cover assuming it was an enemy craft preparing to shell the grounds. When word of his actions got to the ship his CO was furious and thus began their personal feuds.

Louis tries to remain attentive during the briefing but his mind wanders off. He thinks about all the wrong moves he’s made. _What could he have done differently? Could he have prevented getting shot at? Was he too far when he shot at the schmitt’s engine? Did he make a mistake by leading the Luftwaffe far from the scene of action? Did his stunt flying intimidate them? How did he end up with 6 schmitts on his tail?_

He’s snapped out of his thoughts when his CO yells at him. “Lieutenant Tomlinson!”

“Yes sir.” Louis responds.

“Airman, if you break formation one more time you will be discharged without honor. You will fly tail-end-charlie until further notice. Let this be a punishment and lesson learned. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes sir.” Louis says again looking over at Liam whose head is bowed down in relief.

 _No punishment for Liam then_. He must’ve really charmed the man. And hell, if flying tail-end-charlie is his punishment then Louis will gladly take it! Most pilots would be mad at that but Louis welcomes the challenge. It’s makes flying all the more exciting!

* * *

It didn’t take long to convince Harry to join in the fun. He stood outside their door checking on any suspicious activity. No one seemed to notice or care, if anything, he was the only suspicious looking person onboard the ship. He got a few odd looks his way but he dismissed them. He didn’t care much for the others. He’s got Niall and Zayn. Two more than he asked for. When he finally surrendered he joined them on the top bunk opposite sleepy George.

They take turns hopping down for refills and as per usual Niall leads the conversation. When Harry saw that Niall executed his plan he figured the whole stewardess story was just an mock up to get Harry off his back. Except Niall wasn’t lying about that. He had in fact warmed up to a young stewardess and it wasn’t just to cover for the theft.

“So she really said you were handsome then?” Zayn asks him.

Niall wrinkles his nose. “Well… she said I was an interestin’ lad with good features.”

“You know features could mean your personality, attitude and that sort of thing.” Harry slurs his words and talks with his hands to get his point across.

“Cut our hero some slack here. You’re such a party pooper!” Zayn gives him a stare that makes him feel perturbed.

“Heyyy…” Harry slurs. “’M not sayin’ he’s not a handsome bloke, ‘m just saying the word has many meanings.”

“Doesn’t matter though does it?” Niall chirps up wagging his eyebrows at him. “She’s into me!” He takes another sip of beer and laughs to himself. His eyes are growing distant and it’s clear that he is already fantasizing about his newfound crush.

“Yes… yes she is!” Zayn claps him on the back and falls back onto the wall. His head feels light but his body feels heavy. He can’t sit up any longer.

“Man… I needed this. Niall mate, you’re a bloody keeper! I’m indebted to you… forever!” 

Niall turns his head back and looks at him. The three of them are drunk but no one is as plastered as Zayn. His eyes are already droopy and his limbs are slack. Why he needed to drink so badly is anybody’s guess.

“Mate… you ARE indebted to me. You owe me 5 quid!!” Niall hollers.

The two of them giggle in their stupor and Harry joins in a few seconds too late.

_So perhaps it’s not Zayn who wins the drunken feat._


	2. To Helles and Back

**_ February 12, 1942 – The C Company positioned at Cape Helles. _ **

Niall tosses a grenade across the trench line and the three of them duck down and cover their ears.

“That one’s for yer earlier cock-up ya bloody wankers!” He shouts after it goes off.

“I can’t do this.” Zayn collapses to the ground and wipes the sweat off his brows. “Didn’t think we’d be shitting ourselves so soon.”

“Ahh live it up mate! ‘M havin’ the time of me life.” Niall says with a maniacal grin.

It’s only their second day at Cape Helles and they’ve seen no proper rest. When the 6th Battalion made it to shore they were split up in their respective companies and assigned to different trenches. Harry, Zayn and Niall were sent up with the third wave.

The instructions were simple: The British were to assault the front lines and cause a diversion so that the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps (ANZACs) up in Sulva Bay could breach the front lines and push back the Turkish defense.

Except sending in the first and second wave of British soldiers only threatened their morale. Not a single able-bodied man made it over the middle partition. Bodies of dead and wounded lined the partition and cries for help littered the air. Medics had no way of getting to them. Most men could be heard taking their last breath and nothing had prepared them for this.

The boys were already in position to be called up for an attack but the whistle never came.

Their Captain wasn’t having it and his conscience couldn’t take it. He was sending the young lads to their deaths. This wasn’t a diversion. This was suicide.

He sent a messenger on foot to the beach landing to inform the Colonel and Major of his plans to hold back the third wave from attack. He was not asking for permission. He had made his intentions known.

When the messenger returned shortly after he brought relief to their ears. The Colonel and Major had agreed that the third wave attack would prove fruitless. They were to attack from the trenches instead and keep the diversion going.

The Captain wasn’t completely thrilled by this. He sent back the messenger. “Now listen here son. You tell those men that we need to ask for a ceasefire. We need to send our medics up there to bring back our injured soldiers. Tell them… if they continue to press for an attack than I’ll be forced to hand over my stripes.”

_And that’s how it all ended for Captain Roberts._

The messenger returned with a replacement and C company found themselves under command of a new Captain. The attack would continue from the trenches and the injured soldiers were left to their demise. The boys were relieved not to be joining them in death so soon but the guilt ate at their cores. So they channeled their guilt into anger and attacked the Turks with brutal retaliation.

All but Harry and Zayn.

* * *

**_ February 12, 1942 – HMS Trenton _ **

“Christ! Those poor Brits haven’t had a single moments rest since they’ve arrived.” Louis says as he scans the horizon. He feels his own muscles tense at the sight of the crossfire and it aches him that he can’t do nothing about it.

He and Liam are standing on the carrier deck watching Cape Helles. They’ve just returned from a routine sweep over the Dardanelles but it was a quiet day for the pilots. No German fighters or bombers in sight.

It wasn’t unusual in the slightest. Sometimes they’d go a whole week without any real dogfights. Except the longer the silence, the bigger the tension grew. You just knew that the enemy was loading itself up, replacing destroyed crafts, recruiting new pilots, arming themselves with more weapons or modifying their machine guns. It was only a matter of time before another attack came and it always came with greater force.

The RAF was holding its own ground though. They’d call in another fleet or two and size up the new recruits. They used the quiet time to their advantage and trained the recruits to fly with the rest of the veterans. It was a continuous cycle of training, flying, and debriefing that the pilots rarely grew restless. 

“It’s a crazy man’s war indeed.” Liam says after much long afterthought. “What’s on the agenda for tonight?”

“More training and debriefing which I’ll gladly take over that.” Louis points into the distance where a grenade blast visibly throws a few bodies in the air. Liam winces. For some odd reason the attack feels personal. A little too close to home but he doesn’t understand why.

* * *

“Niall!!” Harry yells. “Quit throwing grenades they’re shelling us like mad.”

Niall laughs and pockets the grenade he was intending to throw. “You Brits are no fun.” He responds.

Zayn gives him a scolding look that makes him retort his last statement. “Fine…” He throws his hands up in the air. “Won’t throw anymore grenades. I promise.” He grabs his rifle and walks to the wall that Harry and Zayn are pressed against.

Harry points his gun towards no particular target and shoots a round of bullets. He doesn’t intend to have any targets.

The truth is, ever since they’ve landed Harry hasn’t shot a single man. Not because he’s a bad aim but he hasn’t got the heart to do it. He’s been aimlessly shooting his gun to avoid suspicion. He doesn’t think anyone has caught on yet and hopes it remains that way. _What a waste of British ammo_. He feels a little guilty for it but he’d probably feel worse taking a life. After all, Harry didn’t enlist to kill. He enlisted to gain respect. All he’s got to do is carry on this way. He doesn’t need to climb higher in rank or lead a bloody platoon. He just needs to survive and come home a war veteran to make his point.

Harry is snapped out of thoughts when he spots a flashing grenade flying towards their front.

“TAKE COVERRRRR!” He yells as he squats down and covers his head.

A menacing laugh pulls him away from his safety and he sees that Niall stands over the grenade grinning to himself. He picks it off the floor, takes a moment to inspect it and then tosses it back to the Turkish front.

“What a bunch of cowards eh?” He laughs as the grenade blasts. “So eager to toss it before the string burns out. AT LEAST LET IT BURN TO THE MIDDLE YA WANKERS!!” He yells.

Zayn looks to Harry with mild amusement. His eyes are suddenly burning with life. _This Niall lad is something!_ Zayn thinks. What a proper force to be reckoned with! Zayn doesn’t think he’s ever met anyone remotely close to Niall’s character. The lad is witty, daring, cheerful (almost to fault) and downright entertaining that there’s never a dull moment with him. He is easily Zayn’s favorite.

“That was fuckin’ ace man!!!” Zayn beams up and hollers.

“Woooohooooohooo!!!” Niall screams after him.

It’s their adrenaline paired with anxiety that needs to come out in some way or form.

Harry stares at the pair with a smile growing on his face. It’s a distraction. He’s seeing life while death shrouds over them. 

They all sit down and huddle together in their dugout. They put their rifles to rest. It’s time for a break. They’ve earned it. Zayn pulls out his pack of cigarettes with practiced ease. He offers them a smoke and they all light up. It’s a dirty vice to help them forget. Even if for a moment. That’s good enough.

It’s only then that they look around. The trenches are in total destruction. There are soldiers running about, stretchers carrying the wounded, calls and screams coming in from every direction. They watch in silence as the world around them drives in chaos.

Man… Nothing prepared them for this.

They hadn’t expected to see actual fire right away never mind be in the front trenches exchanging fire and dodging bullets and grenades.

Harry doesn’t know what he had expected. Perhaps a slow and steady transition from the back to the front. Either way, facing the real front was bound to have occur. Perhaps they were lucky to get a taste of it sooner than later. The anxiety of waiting for that happen would’ve paralyzed them but that thought is still up for debate. Niall was unbothered by it and Harry can’t speak for him.

Harry turns back to look at the boys. Niall has already taken to his journal, a pen in one hand and a cigarette dangling on his lips. Zayn is sprawled out with one arm covering his face shielding his eyes from the sun and the other bringing his cigarette to and from his lips. Harry sighs to himself and surrenders to the thoughts that are probing his mind and demanding attention again.

* * *

Up in the sky Louis is having a war of his own.

He keeps cursing under his breath at the pilots flying on his nose on his 9. He didn’t mind flying the tail-end-charlie as part of his punishment but no one warned him that it’d be with a squadron of new recruits minus Jag who leads the current formation.

“Bloody fucking hell!!!” He hisses a third time and disconnects his RT from rest of the squadron. “Liam!” He shouts, tuning into his frequency. “Where in the depths of the hell did they find these fucktards!?”

Liam is not surprised that Louis is already whining about the recruits. “Don’t be so crass.” He answers.

“Are you seeing what’s happening here?” Louis asks.

“No.. Louis… I have my own problems to be concerned with yours.”

Louis curses again.

Liam isn’t having any better luck with his squadron that’s an equal mix of veterans and new recruits. Except his problem is with the pilot on his tail who keeps speeding up for no apparent reason.

“This fucking idiot doesn’t know how to keep steady pace.” Louis hisses with another insult. “Fucking hell… Twice I’ve had to veer off right to avoid collision.”

Liam doesn’t respond again as he tries to hear his own instructions crowding through the RT. 

“His bloody idiot friend keeps steering into the middle for god knows what!”

“Louis.. please let me concentrate!” Liam’s tone is serious.

Whose idea was it to fly them with different squadrons? That never happened until now. _This better not be an extension of my punishment!_ Louis thinks.

He sighs at his misfortune and tries to focus back on Jag.

“Fly abreast, bring your planes in and watch your wing tips.” 

* * *

The boys spend another two hours in heavy crossfire. Zayn continues to crumble under pressure and frequents breaks to fill his lungs with tar and fumes. It’s his only reprieve.

Harry continues to fire aimlessly and pretends to be as engaged as the rest. He isn’t completely here. His body is leaning against the trench wall but his mind is tucked miles away.

He’s back in his room in London where the air is suffocating and his room feels like a prison. He hears the familiar screams and shouts that echo down the corridor and the heavy footsteps that march towards his door. He also hears the clink of metal as his door flies open. He stares at the intruder and he shoots.

He opens both eyes to see where he’s shot. He's put a hole right in the middle of a flag that flies over the Turkish trench.

After that, the chaos starts to trickle down. Neither side has the energy nor will to continue. 

The trenches to their right have taken massive hits and efforts were underway to dig out the soldiers stuck under the rubble. Harry retires his rifle. There was no use in wasting more bullets. His mind will have to find peace in some other way.

The sun is starting to set and his body feels fatigued. It’s the lack of sleep and standing all day that exhausts him.

Fighting in the trenches was no easy work. Besides forcing your mind to still at night, the sleep was rough. There were no beds. You had to walk a mile down to relieve yourself. Your clothes are what you have on your person and whatever spare is in your bag.

If you had been caught in downpour then your uniform was damp for days with mud clinging to every crease and fold. If you’d been caught in the cold than you sure as hell hoped you didn’t freeze to death.

Even the sleep offered little escape. The sounds of explosions and screams from the day’s events just replayed in your head. Nightmares of being shot or blown to pieces were suffocating them even in their sleep. You had to be a person with no care in the world to shut your eyes and have a peaceful sleep. If you had a heart, you were damned! 

xx

By sundown the smell of corpses and wounded were becoming far too much to bear. Not even the stench of cigarette fumes could disguise it.

The British Corps had concerns not only for the wounded but for diseases that could potentially spread and infest their abled men. They sent an urgent request to the Turkish General for an armistice. The response had come in right away and they were granted an armistice for 48 hours. The Turks had their own men to clear.

The hours that followed into night were an absolute nightmare. It was the kind that filled you with terror and made want to be anywhere but there.

Soldiers from both sides walked the middle partition together. Some fallen soldiers had been so badly burned that you couldn’t make out their uniforms. There were piles of dead bodies in some places and severed limbs thrown about.

The looks of fear, disgust and regret were visible on all faces alike. British soldiers worked with their Turkish foes to move the bodies about. There were some who even became acquainted with the enemy. The language barrier couldn’t stop the curiosity of some men.

Zayn was struggling to be of help. He had emptied the bile in his stomach after stepping on a severed foot. After that, he had gone back down to the trenches and waited for a job to be handed to him. His body was trembling from the shock. His face was already sinking and wasting. He hadn’t expected it to be this bad. He’d lost his appetite the day they arrived. It was only cigarettes and stress that he tasted on his tongue.

Harry didn’t do well either. He had tried to ignore the sights and smells but they were permanently etched in his mind. There’s no going back from this. This will follow him with all his other dreaded thoughts.

He had been stopped in his tracks where he’d been dragging a body. It was a young British soldier whose legs had been cut off. He wasn’t too heavy but Harry had a hard time looking away from his severed torso.

A Turkish soldier motioned for him to stop. Harry lay the body down and looked at him curiously. The soldier offered him water which Harry graciously accepted. He handed back the canteen and whispered ‘thank you.’ The soldier put a hand over his chest and nodded.

Harry turned his attention back to the body but the Turkish wouldn’t have it. He tugged on Harry’s arm and shook his head no. He bent down carefully and lifted the body away while Harry stood and watched. 

It was an act of solidarity. Harry didn’t expect to see that.

When the three gathered after the fact, Niall was no longer the same. His mood was somber and there were no jokes to be told or laughter to be shared. Harry didn’t speak except to ask for some water which was sheltered behind Zayn’s dugout.

Zayn couldn’t bring himself to ask about what they had seen. He felt like a coward.

It was a quiet night all around. There were no shots fired, screams heard or sound of movement stretching for miles. The silence was loud enough to speak for itself.

Men who were enemies and pried against each other fell into a collective state of grief, misery and repentance.

* * *

**_ February 13, 1942 – The C Company at Cape Helles. _ **

The next morning proved no different.

Some soldiers had barely slept. Their minds refused to shut off after 48 hours of relentless crossfire followed by a trip to see the aftermath.

Harry and Niall were up most night but neither engaged in conversation. Niall was in a lull and Harry was empathetic. Niall had had a heart after all. 

After breakfast, Zayn breaks their silence. He strikes up casual conversation about his life back home. He tells them about the University he’s attending and the Political Science program he’s in. He hopes this will ease the other boy’s mind and get them talking again.

He still feels the pangs of guilt for abandoning them but he also feel responsible to bring them together again.

His attempt at conversation proves successful when Harry asks him how much longer until he graduates. Zayn doesn’t have an answer for him. It all depends on the war he says.

Niall perks up a little later and asks him why he’d chosen Political Science. Zayn tells them that he didn’t want to do Law or Medicine and had no talent for math and proper sciences which draws a light chuckle from Niall.

Zayn feels relieved at that. He can stand to make a fool himself if it means the other two will be in good spirits.

Harry tells him Political Science is a good field with promising careers and Niall agrees.

Their conversation is cut short when young postage carrier stops at their dugout. “Lieutenant Horan?” he calls out. “Sir.” Niall responds immediately. “A parcel for you sir.”

“A parcel? We’ve only been here two days.” Niall says as he gets up to retrieve his package.

“Air mail travels faster than fleets. Sir.” The postage carrier responds and redirects his attention. “Lieutenant Malik?”

Zayn nods at him and takes the letter from his hand. “Thank you.” 

The young carrier walks off but is halted when Zayn calls after him.

“Lieutenant?” He says turning back to Zayn.

“Do you deliver to the HMS Trenton?” Zayn asks.

“Affirmative Sir. All posts addressed to the fleets are to be dropped off at the landing marked by the green flag, 2 miles southwest of the medic tent.” 

“Thank you.” Zayn says again. 

“Better to get your mail in within the hour before the Chopper sets up.” The young man salutes him and takes his leave. 

Zayn looks over to Harry, whose laying down with an arm shielding his face. “Nothing for you then Harry?” Zayn asks. 

Harry shakes his head and Zayn rips into his letter.

Harry feels his heart sink and his chest tightening. The familiar sensation grips his body and stalls his mind.

He was secretly hoping his parents would write him. He had fooled himself into thinking that they’d put aside their prejudice once he took his first step out the door. After all, he had gone off to fight for his country. Wasn’t that enough to warrant a man his honor?

A moment of silence passes between them as they read over their letters. Harry decides that he will write a heartfelt letter home. Perhaps that will persuade his mother to write him back. He sits up and looks over to Niall.

“Did your parents write you Horan?” There’s an ache at the back of his throat.

Niall nods at him without taking his eyes off the letter. He looks a little confused and Harry can’t make out whether the contents of the letter are good or bad. 

“All is well?” He follows up. 

“Well I reckon they ain't that mad anymore. Signed the letter with ‘lots of love, mum and dad.’” Niall turns the letter back for the boys to see. They can’t make out the words from the distance but they nod their heads anyway.

“What’s that?” Zayn asks pointing at the parcel in Niall’s lap. There’s something spilling out and it catches Zayn’s eyes.

Niall chuckles nervously. Harry sees that his face turns a crimson red as he hesitates to pull it out. 

Niall lifts it up to examine. “Brilliant!”

Zayn looks over to Harry and can see that he too is trying to stifle a laugh. Harry catches his eyes and shoots him a side smirk. 

“A scarf?” Zayn struggles to ask in all seriousness. 

“For a toddler.” Niall responds. 

Harry snickers a little too loudly and finally gives in which prompts Niall and Zayn to join in the laughter. _This is good._ This is just what they needed. A little humor to bring life to their group of three. Niall doesn’t mind it. By rights he should be offended but even he can’t deny it’s hideous in size and color.

“She is MAD!” Niall says through the tears.

“Hey...” Harry coughs and points to Niall. “You wear that proudly.” He chuckles once more and wipes at the tears in his eyes. “She made it with love and that’s saying something.” He adds in a bit more seriously. 

Zayn nods in agreement but Niall’s raised eyebrows seem to disagree. He stuffs the contents back in the package and looks over to Zayn. “What about you mate?” 

Zayn folds his letter and glances back and forth between the two. “Parents just making sure I made it okay and askin’ if I’ve seen Liam yet.” 

Zayn finds himself sharing more personal information. It started off in attempt to deter to Harry and Niall from falling into despair and now it just flows with ease. He doesn’t mind sharing. There’s not much to know anyway except for the one secret that he can never tell. 

“Liam?” Harry asks curiously. 

“A family friend. Known ‘em years, they live just down the street from us.” He pauses to light up a cigarette. “He is a fighter pilot onboard the HMS Trenton. His pops told me he was serving here when I got enlisted. Complete chance that I got sent here too but yeah, I should write him and see if we can meet.” He takes another long drag from his cigarette and carefully avoids meeting their eyes.

Harry’s curiosity about Liam takes a quick turn. All he’s heard was ‘fighter pilot’ and that was enough to cast him in a whole other light.

“A fighter pilot.” Harry says with an eye roll. 

“Gotta problem with pilots then?” Niall asks with a questioning brow. 

“Pretentious ego!” Harry says it with practiced ease. It’s like he’s been around them all his life and that stands as the only true definition.

Niall nods at him curiously. He studies Harry’s face with keen interest and Harry hates it. He feels like Niall is reading into him and that he’s connected some dots in his mind.

“That’s just rubbish.” Zayn comes to Liam’s defense. Liam is anything but that. Zayn can assure you of that. He goes on about Liam’s humbleness and hardworking ethics and Harry looks away rolling his eyes again.

“So ya gonna write him or what?” Niall interrupts him in attempt to halt Zayn’s long description of his friend.

Zayn peels his eyes off Harry and looks over to Niall. “Ya. I’ll go down to the landing. You two alright on your own?”

“We’ll be fine. Better get going before they put us on patrol.” Niall reaches for a cigarette and turns his attention back to Harry.

Harry can feel his lingering stare. He doesn’t react to it. He doesn’t want to talk about it. Niall can bore into him as long as he likes but Harry won’t relent.

There’s a fire that’s silently raging in his heart. It was prompted by the lack of postage and fueled by Zayn’s mention of a ‘fighter pilot’. Harry knows that he is projecting personal prejudice against this Liam. He feels a little guilty about it.

He sighs back into the dugout and rests his head on the hard earth. He needs to clear his mind. He needs to remember why he is here. There is purpose yet. There is a goal to be met and a dream to be had. He won’t let the silence come in between all that.

* * *

**_ February 13, 1942 – HMS Trenton _ **

Back on the carrier, the pilots get word that a briefing has mandated their presence. Louis silently prays that they are not about to do a sweep with the recruits. They proved useless during training god forbid the mistakes they are guaranteed to make during actual dogfights.

All in all, he prays that he and Liam aren’t split up again. There’s no way in hell he’s going up against the schmitts without Liam on his wing. He’s grown too accustomed to this. Even he knows that it is only a matter of time before a transfer, a tragedy or a commission will split them up indefinitely.

For now, he pretends none of that can or will happen. He and Liam are invincible. There are no tragedies. He and Liam are a team. There are no transfers. But the truth is, he and Liam are not equal in skill.

Louis knows he’s a better shot than Liam. He also knows he’s got far better flying skills than Liam. Liam outperforms him in attitude and in grace. He’s got a good head on his shoulders and he is respected by all. And it’s not just the family name that does it for him. It’s Liam’s own making that earned him his respect.

Inside the common hall, the CO makes his appearance to the front of the room. Louis prays one last time that he isn’t about to announce a sweep with the recruits.

The pilots all stand to attention and await his command.

“As you were.” He takes a sip of water while the rest get settled into their seats.

“Lieutenants!” He instructs. “We’ve been advised that Turkey has agreed to a 48 hour Armistice. We presume that the Armistice will extend to the air raids. Until we have further news, you are free to rest or tend to your personal affairs.”

Louis feels the weight come off his shoulder. No sweeps with the recruits. _Thank god!_

A bunch of wolf-whistling and hurrahs fill the room and the CO raises a hand to silence them.

“Listen here gentlemen, during this time, you will NOT and shall NOT get up to anything reckless, fruitless or senseless. I’m only saying this once!” He looks around the room with beady eyes that land on Louis. Louis is not the least bit surprised.

Louis feels himself smirking. Liam nudges his knee as if he senses it.

“If you wish to go the landing, we will have our rescue boats escort you out, they are on a schedule so familiarize yourselves with it.”

More cheers erupt and he is forced to raise another hand to silence them. 

Pilots can be very immature sometimes. They have an obnoxious big attitude about them that is hard to ignore and Louis hates that he has that in common with them. Well most of them anyway.

“To further add, flying hops is strictly forbidden. There will be no foul play. Any violations will not be taken lightly. I hope I’ve made myself clear. You are now dismissed!” He hollers.

The rowdiness picks up again and Liam gazes over to him looking annoyed. Liam didn’t have that big attitude. That’s another thing that set him apart. And that was another thing that Louis had admired about him. 

* * *

“Did you see the way he was looking at me?” Louis asks when they round the corner.

“Can’t blame him, can ya Tommo?”

Louis looks baffled at his response.

“Common.. don’t look at me like that.” Liam nudges him in the ribs.

“Payno!” A call to Liam has him turning back on his heels.

“James! How you doing mate?” Liam walks up to him and gives him a light clap on the shoulder. James already has a hand outstretched holding a folded piece of paper.

“I’m swell! No fire in the air. No fire over land. I can fly me Chopper to and from without sweat. Things are looking up I’d say!” Liam chuckles lightly at his response.

“That’s very good James.” Liam gives him a polite smile. “I'm glad to hear that.”

Liam claps another hand to his shoulders and looks down at the note in his hand. “What’s this?” Liam asks curiously.

“Mail for you.”

Liam tugs his brows together. “Where’s the envelope?” He doesn’t mean to suspect James but he has good reason to be wary about his mail being inspected. 

“There was no envelope. It came from Helles.”

Liam’s head draws back in surprise. “Helles?”

He retrieves the note from James’ hands and opens the folded paper. His eyes quickly scan to the bottom of the letter. Signed Z. _Fuck._ His heart stops beating. This explains Zayn’s silence.

He tries to hide his shock as he nods a quick thank you and excuses himself.

He feels a heavy weight crush him. _What is Zayn doing here? Is he absolutely mad? This is no place for a boy like him!_

He takes a few strides forward and leans up against a cool steel railing. He feels the dread seep deep into his veins. He pries the letter open again and reads its full content.

> _Dearest Liam,_
> 
> _I’m writing you from Cape Helles, I’m with the British troops on land. I enlisted with C Company to be near you. Please don’t be mad. The country needed more men and I couldn’t be further from you any longer. Please find a way to get to me. I’m at the front and center line trenches._
> 
> _Burn after reading._
> 
> _Z_

Liam reads the note twice over. There’s a strange mixture of anger and fondness that suddenly tug at his heart. Zayn is here. Zayn is actually here. He looks over the deck to Cape Helles. Only a few miles separate them. It’s just unbelievable. He can’t believe this. He brings the note and clutches it to his chest. 

It’s been a little over 3 months since he’s last seen him and even then it had been rushed as he started packing for Gallipoli.

This armistice couldn’t have come at a better time. _He’s going to see Zayn._ Liam stuffs the note in his pocket and races for the quarters. _He and Louis are going to Helles._

* * *

When Zayn returns to the trenches he finds dark clouds shrouding them again. Niall seems to have pushed Harry into an exacerbated state of rage. He tried to push Harry to talk about the pilot thing but Harry didn’t budge. Niall gave up trying and went back to sulking over the events that transpired last night and Harry took his refuge in his disturbed mind. 

Zayn tried to make small talk but neither of them were having it so he gave up trying. He had little energy to spare. It was only a matter of time before they fell into that same dreadful state. May as well start now.

He lights up a cigarette and closes his eyes. He tries to imagine what it would be like to see Liam again. It's the only thought that can bring him relief now.

* * *

“Remind me again of this lads name?” Louis asks. “It’s Zayn. Zayn Malik.” He rolls his eyes at Louis but Louis can’t see it walking in front of him.

“And you said he was with what company?”

“Christ Tommo. For the third time! He’s with C company. Are the ABCs that hard for you to remember?”

Louis stops and glares back at him with disdain. “I’ve sacrificed my swim time so that you can say hi to your friend. Don’t get smart with me!”

They’ve been walking uphill for about ten minutes. The direction signs aren’t of much help. The conditions of the trenches are even worse. The path is muddy and their boots are ankle deep in sludge. There’s a smell in the air that puts them off and the sun blazing overhead makes the uphill tread more difficult. Liam is running impatient and Louis is just frustrated at the mess.

Louis stops two soldiers marching by. “Lads! How much further to the C company line?” He hopes that that’s what it’s called. He’s not really familiar with the army jargon.

“Are you looking for the front line trenches?” One of them asks.

“Yeah.” Liam speaks up. “I’m looking for a fella with C company, said he was in the front and center trenches.”

The soldier that spoke to them nods understandingly. He glances between them. They must look like outsiders with the bomber jackets.

“You’re on the right track mates. Just keep going straight, they’ll be two rows over to your right side.” He says.

“Right. Thanks lads.” Louis mentally jots down the directions in his mind. _Almost there then_.

The pair salute each other and part ways.

Louis leads as usual and Liam doesn’t know why, it’s not like he is going to recognize Zayn if he sees him.

* * *

“Liam!” It’s Zayn who spots them first.

“Zayn!” Liam smiles and embraces him in his arms. It feels like home. Even out here, it feels like home.

Liam’s heart flutters at the embrace. He holds Zayn a little too long before Zayn forces him off. Liam is not offended. He understands why.

He looks him over in his uniform. Never in his wild imagination did he picture Zayn sporting a uniform. Not a military one anyway.

“Wow, you look proper in this kit!” He wants to say nice things and ignore the protruding cheekbones and sunken eyes but it hurts anyway. _Its’ no place for a boy like him._

Zayn gives him a little smile. He can read right through him.

“I can’t believe you are here.” Liam whispers so that only Zayn can hear.

Zayn can see the illustrious shine fade in his eyes. Liam looks at him with worry now and Zayn feels guilty for having caused it.

“I know.” Zayn whispers back. “I’m sorry… I had to.”

“Ahh-hemm.” The two are interrupted by Louis’ poor attempt at clearing his throat.

“Apologies.” Liam moves back to pave way for Louis. “Zayn, this is Lieutenant Tomlinson, my wingman.” 

Zayn reaches out a hand with an expressionless face. “Pleasure. Heard a lot about you.” He says with a firm handshake. 

He knows Louis all too well. Knows about all the stunts he’s pulled and all the trouble he’s given Liam.

“Pleasure to meet you too.” Louis winces at the pain. Zayn’s handshake is too firm for his taste.

Zayn points down and quickly introduces ‘Lieutenant Harry Styles’ and ‘Lieutenant Niall Horan’.

They both lay sprawled along the trench walls feeling too weak to stand. They nod their heads with little enthusiasm and mutter even less enthusiastic greetings under their breaths. 

Liam and Louis greet them from a distance before Liam pulls Zayn away. “A private word please.” He tells him.

Louis finds himself standing there alone. He peers over to Niall and Harry but neither of them offer up any words.

He takes a seat across them anyway and pulls out a cigarette. He offers one to Niall but he politely declines. He asks Harry if he wants one but Harry only shakes his head.

“Feels quite somber down here.” Louis says in attempt to make conversation. 

“Ya, ain’t a party for sure.” Niall responds when he sees that Harry won’t.

 _Irish accent_ Louis notes. 

He chuckles at Niall’s response but immediately regrets it when he sees the glare Harry gives him. There’s a feeling that enraptures him and it’s unnerving. Maybe coming out here was a bad idea.

He slides a hand up to his dog tags for some relief and Harry’s eyes track the movement. Louis catches him staring but Harry forces his eyes shut before Louis has a chance to say anything.

“How do you deal with the stench down here?” Louis asks with a scrunched nose. 

Niall shrugs and looks away. “Get used to it.” 

“Right…” Louis voice drains out.

He looks around unamused. He feels antsy and hopes Liam will be done soon. He looks up to scan the skies. It’s a reflex now engraved in him. The skies are clear and it's perfect weather for flying. He wishes he were flying more than anything right now. 

His eyes scan down to Niall. He wonders why the Irish is fitted in British uniform but he doesn’t care enough to ask.

He looks over to Harry whose eyes are still closed. His brows are tense. His eyes continue to scan over Harry’s face, nose, the sparse hair that grows over his lips and down his jaw to his torso and legs. He takes notice of the boy’s long limbs and examines his boots carefully. If he isn’t mistaken those are pilot boots. Though they look a little chunky not like the kind he wears. It’s hard to make out their style because they’re covered in mud just like the rest of his body.

His eyes scan over Harry’s body again and lands on his face. Harry looks tired but he’s probably got a handsome face under all that dirt and grime. Louis frowns at himself. He doesn’t know why he’s having these thoughts and why he cares whether this boy is handsome or not. _It must be the war._ He tells himself. _It’s finally getting to his head._

A crowd of mixed cheers erupts from someplace south of their trench and snaps Louis out of his thoughts. It's probably a game of cards or arm wrestling he wagers.

He hadn't noticed that his leg is bouncing up and down but it seems to catch Niall’s eye. 

“Okay mate?” Niall asks. 

“Ya, I‘m fine… just aching to get back to my Spit.” He answers. 

Harry opens his eyes and they immediately land on Louis. “So go back to your cockpit.” He says. “No one is stopping you.”

Niall looks down at Harry in surprise. He feared that this would happen.

Louis frowns at Harry’s comment. “Come again?”

“Wasn’t I clear?” Harry hisses.

“I heard you but can’t understand why you’re being rude.” Louis responds.

Liam looks over to Louis from a distance. Something in his heart tells him that trouble is brewing. He pulls on Zayn’s arm and starts to lead them back.

“Rude?” Harry scoffs. “Hardly think I’m the rude one when you’ve only been here for two minutes and already complained about the stench and somber mood. Sorry we aren’t good enough for you but at least we are doing the real fighting while you banter in your cockpits and count kills to inflate your precious egos!”

Niall presses his lips together. Maybe he shouldn’t have pushed Harry too far with the pilot argument. This outburst is clearly a product of their earlier dispute. 

Louis’ eyebrows shoot up in response. _Real fighting_? What – was he just doing aerial spins for fun?

“You know nothing of what goes on up there!” Louis shouts back. 

Harry ignores him and shuts his eyes which makes Louis feel disrespected. 

“We’ve been fighting off planes approaching your lines from behind. Without us, you’ll not only be getting fucked by the Turks in the front but you’ll be getting your ass rammed by the Germans so fuck your opinion foot soldier!” 

It comes out with more aggression and malice then he intended but Louis is not one to take insults lightly. 

It takes only a few seconds for Harry to get to his feet and his actions are quickly matched by Louis who presses up against his chest.

There’s a bit of shoving and a spray of spit when Harry hisses and tells him to fuckin’ shove it but their confrontation is quickly halted when Liam yanks Louis back. 

“Tommo!” Liam shouts.

But Louis barely hears it over his curses that shoot out of his mouth like a canon. Liam steps in between them and pushes Louis further back.

“Quit it!” he yells at Louis. “I’m not trying to spend my day in the Orderly Room. Behave yourself or get back to the ship!”

Louis has never seen Liam like this. He and Liam banter and argue but never got at each other’s throat. It’s only for Liam’s sake that Louis reluctantly steps down.

“Fine!” He spits out while eyeing Harry over Liam’s shoulder.

Liam releases him from his grasp and Louis marches off in long angry strides. Behind him he can hear Harry still shouting out insults and egging him on but he doesn’t turn back. He lifts a finger in the air high enough for Harry to see it and hopes that suffices as a response. 

“I’m sorry.” Liam says turning back to Harry. 

Harry clenches his jaw and tries to ignore Liam’s sentiment. He sits back against the wall and spits to the ground never peeling his eyes off the route Louis strode down. 

“Lieutenant Styles..” Liam moves forward hoping to steer Harry’s eyes to him. “I’m sorry, he’s a bit of an asshole sometimes. Doesn’t have a filter that one.” 

“’S okay.” Harry mutters under his breath.

He feels the fire grow in chest. Too much fuel has been poured today and it causes his anger to spread like uncontrolled wildfire.

This isn’t like him though. This isn’t right. He’s not an angry person. He never fought. He never yelled. He’s never insulted anyone before. Shit, he stood before the enemy yesterday and couldn’t even bring himself to hurt them. Where’d all this rage come from? What triggered him?

Niall gives Harry a reassuring pat on his shoulder but Harry shrugs it off and goes back to lay down. He doesn’t deserve any consolation. He’s been nothing but a pain all day.

“Can you take a walk?” Liam asks Zayn. 

“No.” Zayn sighs. “We are on shifts for break. We had ours this morning.” 

A few seconds of silence pass as Liam surveys the conditions of trenches around him. His eyes land back on Zayn. He’s got those upturned brows again that make him look worried and defeated.

“Alright.” Liam gives him a sympathetic smile. “I have to get back to Louis, I will write you or come see you again.”

Zayn nods and bites the inside of his cheek. It's not how he pictured his time with Liam. He wanted more. He wanted the warmth and comfort that Liam easily gives but its hardly the place to inspire that. 

Liam gives him another gentle smile and Zayn throws his arms around him. He can’t let Liam him go and he no longer cares if Harry and Niall read into it.

His embrace is one of desperation and silent pleading. Liam knows that Zayn’s reaching his breaking point. Zayn is not cut out for this. He knows the boy must be riddled with anxiety and Liam fears that he’ll leave here with no spirit or life intact.

He doesn’t want to leave him but he has no say in the matter. 

Liam forces himself away and quickly says goodbye to others. 

* * *

When Liam reaches the landing he spots Louis sitting by the coastline ahead.

“Tommo.” He calls out from a few feet away.

Louis looks back to him but doesn’t bother with a response. He continues to kick at the sand from where he sits.

“What was that mate?” Liam asks him gently.

“I’m not apologizing if that’s what you came for.” Louis responds, “that hotshot had it coming for him.” 

“That’s not entirely true.” Liam removes his hands from his pockets and sits down next to him.

“Common, Tommo, I heard that conversation.” He pauses and Louis can see that his chest falls with a heavy sigh. “The lads had a rough night. They are a little shaken up.”

Louis stares into the distance. His eyes cast on their carrier and he reflects on the words that Liam says. 

“I was just trying to make conversation.” He responds. “Not my fault they weren’t having it.” 

Liam presses a gentle smile. He knows Louis was only trying. He also knew from what Zayn had told him that the boys were having a real bad day.

“Sorry mate. I know you were just trying but don’t take it personally. They’ve had a rough time since they’ve got here.”

Louis purses his lips. _It was personal_. Harry had attacked him and said that he wasn’t partaking in ‘real fighting’.

“Did you hear the comment about the real fighting?” Louis asks.

“Yes.. yes I did.” Liam confirms. “But I also heard you insult him and call him a foot soldier as if that makes him inferior to us.”

Louis bites his tongue. _He had said it._ He’s had his own struggles with elitism in the RAF and here he is standing accused of the same crime.

“I was angry… the words just came out.”

“I know.” Liam looks at him sympathetically. At least he’s not as mad as Louis thought he’d be. 

Louis sighs deeply and lays down on the beach. He doesn’t remember why or how it escalated so fast but a part of him feels bothered.

“Do you think we’re privileged?” Louis asks him.

Liam breaks away from his trance and looks down to him. “Compared to them?” He starts nodding his head before finishing his sentence. “We’ve got it much better mate.”

“Do you think I’m cocky?”

Liam chuckles lightly at his question and looks down at him like the answer is obvious. 

“I think we all are in some way yeah...” Liam says. 

Louis shakes his head. “I think… we act and talk the way we do just to ease our nerves and pretend everything is alright when it’s really not.” 

Liam smiles at him. He’s never seen Louis like this. All calm, slow speech and without his usual eccentricity. He doesn’t blame him though. The trip to the trenches was miserable. It hadn't been what he expected and he feels weighed down with feelings of guilt and sadness. 

“You ever get scared up there?” Liam breaks the next round of silence. 

They never have candid conversations but right now seems like a good time.

“All the time.” Louis whispers. 

“Me too mate." Liam tosses a pebble into the sea and watches the ripples that expand until they seize to be. "Me too.”

They sit in silence for a few minutes. Everything about this day feels dense.

“I get scared flying at high speeds.” Louis admits. “With the added risk of collisions, explosions, malfunctions or having to bale out… it terrifies me. I just keep doing it anyway.” 

Liam looks down at him and Louis meets his gaze. His eyes are so comforting. There’s something about Liam that brings Louis peace. If anyone can keep him grounded it’s Liam.

“I’m terrified of landing on the aircraft carriers, that’s my Achilles’ heel.” Liam says. “Especially at night.”

Louis nods in agreement. “Yeah… that’s scary too.” he agrees.

* * *

“You needa make peace with that pilot mate.” Niall is trying bring Harry back to his senses over a shared cigarette.

Harry doesn’t react to his statement. He’s chosen to give up on anger so he looks away and pretends not to hear it.

“Won’t do ya any good loathin’ him, we are all here fightin’ the same war.” Niall tacks on to see if it’ll strike a chord.

 _Fighting the same war_.

The words repeat themselves in Harry’s head.

_Are they fighting the same war?_

Harry can’t say the same is true for him except that’s his personal secret that he’s not willing to admit.

Everyone else was fighting the same war _but not him_. Strange how it is. He had come here to belong, to finally fit in but all it took were those four words to remind him that he didn’t fit in. _Not even here._

The demons in his head taunt him again.

Harry turns to Niall and passes back the cigarette. He wants to say something. _Anything_. But all he offers are tear filled eyes that speak for themselves.

Niall doesn’t push it after that. He puts a hand on Harry’s shoulder and Harry covers it with his own.

“You’ll be okay Harry. I just know it.” He whispers to him soothingly.

* * *

The armistice was a pleasant experience for some pilots but it hadn’t been one for Louis and Liam. They returned to the carrier with their heads hung low. An overwhelming feeling of despair consumed them but each for a different reason.

Liam keeps reflecting on Zayn's words that were exchanged in private. He can't stop thinking about the fear in his eyes and the tremble on his lips when he told him he wished himself dead instead of contending with the anxiety that groped him with such suffocating strength.

And Louis...

He is mad with himself. He's mad at the words he's let slip because he wasn't brought up that way. He was never above anyone else and it bothered him that he belittled Harry in such an offensive way.

xx 

It’s past midnight when they both fall asleep. Louis reaches REM sleep by falling into an eternal abyss. It’s only when his body shakes in his bed that he finally rests.

> He finds himself standing back in the trenches. Except this time its empty. It’s only him and Harry who passes him a shovel and pleads with him to start digging. Louis doesn’t understand what’s going on but he does as he’s told.
> 
> The hole they dig gets deeper and deeper and Louis doesn’t know how it’s happening so fast when he moves in slow motion. The shovel weighs a ton and the earth is impossible to break through.
> 
> “Harry what’s going on?” He finally asks.
> 
> “Just trust me Louis.”
> 
> Louis keeps trying with little success. When he looks around he and Harry are standing at the bottom of the hole they’ve dug out.
> 
> “Why are we here?” Louis asks again.
> 
> Harry puts his shovel down and comes closer to him. “We need to hide from them.” He tells him.
> 
> “Hide from who?” Louis asks.
> 
> “The people.” Harry answers as though the answer is self-explanatory.
> 
> Louis sees that Harry is taking off his boots. “Why are you taking your boots off?” He asks.
> 
> “Because it will judge us.” Harry says.
> 
> Louis has never been more confused. He doesn’t understand why he is here and why he and Harry are hiding from ‘the people.’
> 
> “Okay you have to be quick now.” Harry tells him after throwing his boots aside.
> 
> “Quick with what?” Louis asks.
> 
> “You have to kiss me.” Harry says.
> 
> Louis takes a step back and feels himself hit the wall. “Well wait a minute. Why do I have to kiss you?” He asks.
> 
> “I don’t have time to explain, we have to do this now. Quick!” Harry tries to close in the gap but Louis pushes him back.
> 
> “I’m not gay Harry. I’m not kissing you.”
> 
> Harry looks at him confused. “Louis, it doesn’t matter if you are gay or not. If you don’t kiss me we are both going to die.”
> 
> Louis looks horrified.
> 
> “Why the fuck are we going to die? I don’t understand! What is happening? Why are we here? Who are the people? PLEASE somebody explain --” Louis is only done shouting because Harry locks lips with him.
> 
> Louis tries to push him off but his arms don’t move. He tries to reach up but just as before everything is in slow motion and nothing works. Harry finally lets him go and his eyes quickly scan the sky. Louis tries to move his arms but they still don’t work.
> 
> Harry leans back in and kisses him again.
> 
> Louis closes his eyes and let’s his head fall back against the wall. _It feels good._ Something about the contact feels good. He feels his spirit retract from his body and it tingles. It sets back in his body abruptly and Harry pulls away.
> 
> Harry stares at him. His green eyes just open up and the depths warp Louis into a continuum that follows neither time nor space. Louis sees something familiar in them. It’s like a song. It’s a sad song he’s heard some time ago. It’s nostalgic. Harry’s eyes grow darker and Louis feels himself being pushed out with a force.
> 
> “He’s coming.” Harry says as his eyes grow wider.
> 
> Louis hears the rumble of a Spitfire engine. It draws nearer and nearer.
> 
> “He’s here.”
> 
> In that instant a Spitfire crashes next to them. Harry looks at him one last time and Louis sees nothing but terror and fear staring back at him.
> 
> “I have to go!” Harry shouts. “You need to take his stripes!”
> 
> Louis looks utterly confused. “What?” he says.
> 
> “You need to take his stripes!!!” Harry shouts in a frenzy as he climbs over the dugout.
> 
> “I’m not taking a man’s stripes!” Louis shouts after him.
> 
> Harry pauses at the top and turns back with a stern look. “If you don’t take his stripes, we are all going to die. You have to hurry!!!” He turns back and runs off in into the distance.
> 
> Louis climbs out and runs towards the Spitfire. He sees that Harry has left his boots behind. He pulls the canopy back and looks down at the pilot whose rendered unconscious.
> 
> _Take his stripes. We are all going to die_.
> 
> Harry’s words echo in his mind. He doesn’t know why he’s doing this but something tells him that Harry knows what’s happening and Louis better do as he's told. He rips the stripes off the pilot’s insignia and adds them to his own.

Louis jolts awake in his bed and finds himself panting for breath. His body is drenched with cold sweat that trickles down his back and sticks to his shirt. He looks around the dark room. It's familiar. It’s his sleeping quarters and he’s still on the ship. It was all a dream! Just a dream!


	3. Scars

** February 14, 1942 – HMS Trenton **

Louis lies awake in his bed. Parts of his dream keep replaying in his head. Something about it stirs his emotions. It almost feels too real. The sound of plane crash, the panicked voice and the fear in Harry’s eyes haunt him.

He feels something amiss, something sinister in the air but he can’t quiet grasp it. The warnings that Harry kept repeating ‘ _need to hide from them’ ‘he’s coming’ ‘we’re all going to die’_ grip him with fear. It’s only dream yes, but Louis can’t seem to shake it off. 

He gets out of bed, it’s too early, but he can’t lay still. His body tenses up and he needs to stretch his limbs. He puts on his clothes and slips out the sleeping quarters. A glance at his watch shows that it’s only a quarter past 4. _Far too early._ He needs some fresh air but once he opens the door to the deck he finds that it’s pouring rain. He’ll go the hanger. Perhaps he can go see his new Spitfire.

Louis creeps into the hanger and finds a number of hand crew already about. _These hardworking lads_ , he thinks, _so much sacrifice and so little recognition_. He strolls down the gallery of the Spits and finds her. The numbers on her fuselage now entrusted to him. He pulls back her canopy and slips inside for a feel. It’s identical to his previous one, and the one before that. He’s all too familiar with her interior but still runs his fingers over the instruments and wraps a hand over her yoke. Visions of Harry’s panicked eyes penetrate his mind again and he slouches back sighing. Why won’t it stop?

Was it his conscience trying to make him feel guilty about their confrontation? _He doesn’t know_. He deconstructs the dream in his head, going over every detail. Except he can’t bring himself to think about the kiss, or the intimacy or even the song in Harry’s eyes. That’s too uncomfortable. He’s never been with a man. Never entertained such thoughts and isn’t going to start now. _It’s just the war_ , he tries to justify, _it’s getting to my head_.

He reaches into his jacket and pulls out his two photographs of his mum and sister. He slips them between the instruments and let’s his hand trace over their features. War has robbed him of many precious things but his mum and sister’s untimely deaths were most unforgiveable. For too long he avoided war and talks of it but the more the British Commonwealth invested in the war the more he and his family suffered.

They were simple farmers in the countryside with a humble life. They didn’t grow up wealthy but they had enough to eat. Then the war started and so did the nightmare for farmers. Everything that was their own was now government property. Their vegetables, harvest and livestock was all to be rationed. They could no longer keep more than they desperately needed. Over a span of two years he saw his mother whither. She worked so hard tending to the family while juggling the demands of the government. She spread herself too thin and her health declined. Finally when the flu spread to their village it claimed his mother’s life.

7 children without a mother.

Louis didn’t have time to mourn. His time to provide for the family had come. He started working the fields from morning to sundown. All his fruits of labor went in vain. He watched as the government took more and more and leaving them with less and less. Another 8 months passed and his sister fell ill. She had a fever for a few short days before the village doctor gave him the devastating news. She’s not going to make it. Louis refused to believe it.

He pleaded for the costs of her care and medicine but the doctor said it was too late. Her organs were starting to fail. For the next two days he abandoned the fields and sat by her bed. Despite his adverse to affection, he held her hand and told her of stories and memories which they all shared. And finally on the second night, she drew her last breath and he drew his.

A part of him died that day. He felt like a failure in every sense. He blamed himself for it though none of it was. He spent days just wandering the fields and letting his morbid thoughts consume him. What was the point of his life? He hadn’t known. His step-father, Dan, whom he loved dearly sat him down one night and told him he could give them all a chance. Join the war efforts son, they pay well and it’ll keep your mind busy from these dreaded thoughts.

He couldn’t watch Louis drag himself down. And neither could his siblings. Finally, Louis agreed to join the RAF. A small town boy can only have high hopes if he’s to escape. He’d set his mind to flying despite never having been in an airplane. Dan was his biggest support and Louis couldn’t have been happier. Finally, it felt like he had a reason to live. He’d go to war and kill the sons of bitches that brought despair to his family. Louis never did tell Dan the reason he finally agreed to war, he intended to keep it all secret.

Together, they agreed to sell the farm. Dan was going to move back to London and stay at his mother’s flat. He would take the kids with him so that she can help raise them. Louis figured that would be best. And off he went to the Aston Down.

He had a hard time fitting in with the other lads. Most of them were big city boys, educated folks or sons of wealthy men. He was a bit outcast and spent most of his time studying alone. He taught himself the principles of math. He focused hard on that because he knew it would be of significance. And surely, it proved true and lent to his success in tactical shooting and aerial dynamics.

He’d seen Liam around on his own too. He was just as invested in the books as Louis was. Louis wondered why someone of his background had a hard time fitting in. He figured Liam was just trying to avoid getting recognized on his family’s merits. Louis respected that. It took a week before Louis finally put aside his pride and sat down with Liam and the two have been inseparable ever since.

Liam kept him grounded. Taught him the ways of surviving the society that was foreign to him. Louis had always mocked them and challenged their norms. Liam had been patient with him. He never dared to turn his back on him.

Those had been simpler days.

It had only been a few months ago yet it feels like a lifetime ago. So much had changed. He had changed. The image of that small town farmer boy had become so blurred. The only thing he had about him was his wit. That and his goal to avenge his family were his only two constants.

He closes his eyes and tries to remember the days when he had no responsibilities, no worries, no death wish. It’s hard to focus.

Something around him feels thick. It’s suffocating. He pries his eyes and sees that a few men run about the hanger. 

“Oiiiiiii” He shouts out.

A young man turns startled by his call.

“What’s all the scurrying about?” Louis asks.

“Intelligence just intercepted a message.” The young man says. “We are under attack sir.”

Louis feels the panic rise in his chest. It’s not his first combat but this feels different. It feels like a whole new war. The carrier sounds her alarm just then and her deafening scream sends shivers down his spine. He jumps out of his cockpit and races for the ready room.

Inside, he finds his CO, Jag and another ace fighter “Timber” already gathered and shouting in panic.

“Officer!” Louis shouts to make his presence known. 

“Oh good god!” His CO tells him. “You’re heaven sent this time lad! You three scramble to your planes and wait on my instructions… Quickly! Scramble!!”

Louis follows instructions and scrambles to his Spit. He is ushered out onto the deck by the crew hand. He, Jag and Timber are going up alone.

He hears over the RT that there 3 separate raids closing in on them and one of them has 2 bombers escorted by fighter jets. He hears the CO ordering them to chase the formation with the bombers. His last words are little muffled but Louis knows he’s just told them ‘Good luck and I’ll be praying for your return.”

Louis flies astern with Jag and Timber. They agree to meet the enemy from behind and take down the bombers first. They will need to stay together for cover and support. “Hawkeye.” Jag calls over to him. “I need you to stay with us for the love of god, don’t stray!”

The old Louis would have rolled his eyes or slurred an insult under his breath but the new Louis says “Roger that.”

Something about this morning feels profoundly different. Louis doesn’t know what it is that charges his energy but it feels like a new spirit. One that guides him. One that feels familiar too.

He can sense the doom ahead. It’s recklessness and destruction are already weighing heavy in the air. He knows that his time has come to prove himself. He’s going to bring down the bombers and add more kills to his list of revenge. It’s not a list to inflate his ego. _Harry had been wrong about that._

His hand comes up to wrap around his dog tags. He lets the cold metal press into his flesh, the sensation of it is the only thing that reminds him he is still alive. _This is it._ He thinks. _The day of reckoning._

* * *

Liam is startled awake by the alarm blazing through the carrier. He’s been woken from the terrors in his sleep only to find real horrors awaiting him.

And to add to the mess, he can’t seem to find Louis anywhere.

He quickly changes into his uniform and runs out with the rest of the squadron. There’s hustle in every corner of the carrier. Planes are shooting up one after the other.

His turn comes and he is catapulted into the sky. He hears that he’ll be joining an air raid that’s just closing in on the carrier.

Still no sign of Louis.

He tries his frequency but nothing lands. He must be out of range. Liam feels himself panic. The sort of panic that makes you sick and guarantees you will mess up in some way or form.

He wants to know that Louis is okay and he NEEDS to know that Zayn is okay.

Once he is airborne, he looks over to the Cape. She’s already burning. He sees the blasts of grenades that go off and it tears his heart apart. For the second time since his engagement in war, Liam feels utterly terrified.

_So much for the 48 hour armistice. So much for thinking that the enemy was going to honor their word._

* * *

When the first grenades blow, the soldiers in the trenches find themselves in the most horrific moments of their lives. 

Those who were taken by the grenades were of the fortunate ones, for they escaped the chaos the ensued and the fear that descended on the hearts of those living.

Harry was already having troubled sleep but when the blasts came he shook with so much fear that he soiled himself. All around him, soldiers were clutching onto their chest from the sudden beating of their hearts or scampering about preparing for crossfire. There were screams, blasts, and shots in all directions. The sounds he hoped to never hear again were penetrating through him without respite.

Harry found that Niall was already awake. There was a calmness about him that Harry didn’t quite understand. Zayn had woken up in a fit and was trembling so much that Niall had to tend to his guns and ammunition.

Harry and Zayn sat looking absolutely helpless while Niall ran around and prepared their stations. Harry was too embarrassed to stand up but Niall flung an arm around him and told him it would be okay. “It’s raining anyway, it’ll wash off.”

He gives them both sips of water and helps them man their stations.

“Common lads.” He says. “We’ve been through this before. Don’t ya worry. We’re going to be just fine.”

Harry was thankful for Niall. Thankful that he enlisted despite being underage. Niall’s courage was that of 10 men put together. He doesn’t know how the young boy came to be such a force but he knows that he and Zayn got lucky. He doesn’t think they could’ve gotten this far without him.

* * *

It was no easy task flying through the pouring rain. Louis’ vision was distorted. 

They’d flown towards the south-west coordinates and picked up on their enemies. They dived low to come back and meet them from behind as planned.

Jag spotted their first bomber on the right and they aligned in a V-formation to make the attack.

“Hawkeye, take the starboard engine. I’ll get the port. Timber, fire at the rear-gunner and stop him before he gets us.”

They agreed on the plan and dove in with quick shots. Louis inched near the starboard, got within a comfortable feet away and gave her a blast with his machine guns. His wing tip caught a stray bullet from the gunner but it was no real damage. Jag put a few good ones in and Timber took out the rear-gunner before either of them made their first moves.

They pulled back on their speed and flew idle while they watched the bomber dive towards the sea. The fighters were now flying in at every angle but Louis heard the order to stay in formation and bank right altogether.

They flew out a few miles in attempt to lose the fighters and they succeeded. The schmitts abandoned the attack and flew back to help guide the other bomber.

So far, it had been okay. They were outnumbered but they got lucky with the first bomber. No one had seen them approach. Their second attack wouldn’t be as lucky.

Louis knows the tougher part is coming up. He tugs on his dog tags again and the three of them fly back to the raid. 

* * *

Liam finds himself in a formation led by “Green”. He was a veteran and Liam had flown behind him several times. There are now 4 different Squadrons from the fleets that are airborne. 2 of them have been sent away and the other is forming next to him.

He keeps peering to the right and the view from up top is not one that stills his mind. He thinks he may have nailed down the exact location of Zayn’s position but the crossfire on that end didn’t look too good. He’s been trying to focus and keep himself composed but the pressure of it all consumes him.

He sees the schmitts approaching and hears the instructions call over the RT. He tries to keep his focus ahead but his eyes keep steering to the right.

Finally he feels his plane shake and sees that the Luftwaffe have flown into their formation and are trying to pick apart the Spits.

They get the okay to split and he banks to the right chasing the schmitt that just flew past him.

He closes in on it and the schmitt shoots up. He pulls back the throttle and takes a launch himself. He’s going to get this bastard. He needs to get his frustration out somehow.

* * *

“I can’t” Zayn whimpers. “I can’t hold my rifle up.” 

Niall abandons his position and runs over to him. He grabs Zayn by the collar and hoists him up against the wall.

“Zayn!” He shouts. “Zayn look at me! We’re going to be fine. You’re going to be fine!! If ya need to take a break, take one, I’ll center myself off and cover your position but you can’t fail on me lad. I need ya! Harry needs ya! Remember why you came! We came to fight! Don’t ya forget that! Sit! Sit down lad you’re shaking mad. I’ll cover for ya!”

Zayn flops to the ground and covers his head. His dread has surpassed the need to live. He didn’t come here to fight. He came here to be near Liam. He had no idea what he got himself into. This wasn’t anything like he expected. He can’t straighten himself out and he can’t get his body to stop shaking. He is a mess. Tears are rolling down his face and he is having trouble breathing. Inside, he’s already given up. He no longer wants to fight. No longer wants to stay.

Niall tosses him a canteen of water. “Drink up lad!” He says one last time before turning back to his place.

“Harry!” Niall shouts turning to him. “I need ya to get more ammunition we are running short. You’ve got faster legs. Go!”

Harry doesn’t have the mind to speak. He hears Niall’s instructions and runs off. He’s having his own war inside his head. He should be fighting off the enemy but he’s still firing into the air. He can’t bring himself to shoot anybody.

He feels guilty that Niall is doing all he can and he’s not done his share of work. He doesn’t think he’ll hold up much longer. He doesn’t think it was worth coming here to prove a point. Surely that was never going to happen anyway. He doesn’t know whether he should surrender his morals or surrender his hope. Either way, he’s losing something but which is worse?

* * *

“Hawkeye, ready and over”

Louis flies down as instructed and takes a few shots at the rear gunner. The spats stop and he knows the gunner is done. He flies to the starboard engine but he hears Jag yell over the RT.

“Abandon! pull back! We’ve got schmitts on our tails.”

Louis pushes his yoke down and nose dives. He turns back and can see that a Schmitt is on his 6. He banks right and starts to spiral up. There’s a lot of yelling over the RT and he can’t make out the words.

“Can’t hear you Jag!”

He pushes the yoke down again and takes another dive, he pulls her up and does a few rolls, she comes along swiftly. He pushes the throttle and gets some good speed. He sees the bomber a few feet ahead. He speeds up and machine guns her right engine. He sees the engine sputter and spark but still flies smoothly.

He pulls up again and does an overhead roll and comes right back to position. To his left, he can see that Jag is trying to come in for the left engine but he’s got a schmitt on his tail.

“Timber?” He calls out. He doesn’t see Timber. “Jag you’ve got one on your 6, clear out!!!”

“No chance. I’m going down with this. You make sure she’s sunk and get the hell outta here son. Roll, spiral or loop around. I don’t care, do what you have to do and get back to the carrier.”

There’s a short pause as Louis registers what Jag is telling him. He banks over to the left and starts shooting at the schmitt hovering over Jag. He gives her a good blast with his guns and the schmitt takes some heavy hits. The pilot dives down and tries to get away from him.

“I’m not going back alone.” Louis says.

But no one answers him.

Jag flies even closer to the Bomber and gives the left engine another burst. The engine starts to flare up but she’s still flying level.

Louis flies in to the right but now they’ve got 3 schmitts on all sides of them taking shots.

“Good day Lieutenant.”

Louis hears the words and a loud explosion that follows. Jag flies his nose right into the engine and his Spit takes a few more shells from the schmitts.

The Bomber starts to shake and the wings uneven. It begins to lose altitude and starts falling to the sea.

Louis nose dives and loops back around. He can see the remains of the Spit that hang onto the Bomber’s engine. There are no parachutes or balers and still no Timber.

An unfamiliar sense of dread overtakes him. _Jag is gone._

“Timber do you copy?!?” Only silence.

He flies his Spit fast and shoots a deflection at one of the schmitts, she lands perfectly on the starboard engine and catches fire. Another kill for the day.

He does another overhead roll and nose dives on the second schmitt. He pushes on his button and sends a few rounds. She goes crashing to the sea as well.

There’s a strange sort of rage that burns within him. His itch to kill grows and he is hungry for more.

He levels off with the third schmitt and starts shooting from a further range. The shots don’t land like he expected it to and so he flies in closer to within a few hundred feet.

He takes aim and shoots another round except nothing comes out. He’s cleared his bullets and his guns.

“Fuckkkkk..”

He feels himself panic and immediately hightails away.

He takes her up and flies her away from the raid. She’s no longer flying smoothly. He looks around and sees that she’s taken far too many hits. He pulls on his oxygen mask and gives himself another round. There are holes in all sides of her. He checks the fuel level and sees that he’s running short. _Too short._ He doesn’t know if he’ll make it back or bale out in no man’s land and never be found.

The fear of that happening puts him in shock and he sits in Spit motionless but for the hand that steers him. 

* * *

Liam is already at one kill when he spots a lone schmitt flying over Helles. He’s been instructed to get back to formation for an overhead attack but he can’t stop watching the schmitt. The plane flies too low and too close for his comfort.

He RTs Green and tells him about the schmitt. “She’s going for ground shelling. I’m chasing her off!”

Green shouts back for him to fly up. Liam feels his heart catching in his throat. She’s flying dangerously close to the one place he’s insecure about.

“I’m sorry.” Are his only words when he steers his Spit back and goes after the plane.

He flies at 300 knots and the schmitt spots him. It starts to fly away and Liam chases it. They are so close to the ground that Liam can see faces of the soldiers. They all take cover and a few grenade blasts shake his Spit.

He keeps his eye on the target and chases her away from the landing. His radar now shows 3 enemy crafts approaching from behind. Liam turns back and finds 3 schmitts on his tail.

“FUCKKKKK!!” He shrieks.

He slips to the right and pulls her up but the schmitts follow closely behind and fire at him. He tries to roll her over but the shots keep coming and all he sees is smoke.

His Spit is sputtering and shaking uncontrollably. If he’s going to live to see another day, he better bale out. And bale out now! 

* * *

“Zayn!” Niall shouts. “I need more sandbags!!!”

Niall keeps flinching, ducking, shooting, moving between his own gun and Harry’s gun. His helmet keeps riding down on his face and obscuring his view.

Zayn is still having a hard time breathing but he pushes himself up and carries over bags of sand that he places by Niall's feet. Niall lifts them up and places them overhead to add more cover to their stations.

“We don’t have any more.” Zayn says after he drops off the last one.

“There are some over there. Get me another 5!”

Zayn runs over to where Niall points and starts dragging back the sand bags. Harry’s just rounding the corner with more ammunition on him and he's panting for breath. It hadn’t been an easy run with all the commotion about and the pouring rain only added to the chaos.

He’s looking right at Niall when he sees the grenade fly overhead followed by a loud shriek of “NIALLLLLLL GET DOWNNNNNNNNN!!!”

All it took was one second. One look. One grenade. Niall and Zayn are both flung in the air and Harry falls against the wall.

Time just stills and everything goes black.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Harry’s the first to get up after the blast. Zayn’s on the ground screaming in pain and all Harry sees is blood. He looks over to Niall and sees that Niall is buried under rubble and his face is covered with blood. Something in his guts tells him that Niall is terribly injured so he runs to him first.

Harry can’t find any words to say. He just starts digging while Zayn wails in pain behind them. Niall starts to blink his eyes open and he stills Harry’s hand.

“Harry.” He says with a cough. “Stop.”

Niall’s breaths are short and shallow. He’s not breathing right.

Harry is panicked. He looks around “MEDICCCCC!!!!!” he shouts.

He starts digging again. The more he digs the more blood spills out. Niall stills his hands again. “Harry, let it go mate.” It’s takes all his energy to say it and Harry can see that his eyes are threatening to close and blood is now pooling in his mouth.

“Niall! Nooo!” He slaps his face. “We are going to get you help. MEDICCCC!!” He screams again but no one comes.

He turns back and sees that Zayn is still holding onto his leg and howling in pain. Niall pulls Harry’s hand in closer and squeezes it. “Lieutenant Styles.” He says and looks over to Zayn. “Lieutenant Malik.” The blood spills out and flows down his chin. Zayn looks over to him at the mention of his name. “It’s been an absolute honor serving by your side.”

“Niall.” Harry whispers back in tears. He brings Niall’s hand to rest against his face and holds it there pressing kisses to it.

“Take me diary… mum and dad… so they know what I did here.” He pulls away from Harry’s hold and reaches into his jacket but his strength doesn’t follow and his hand falls limp.

“No.” Harry cries. “NOOOOO!!!” He turns back and sees that Zayn is crying and shaking on the ground. Harry turns back to Niall. He takes his hand into his own and kisses it. His tears stream down his face and burn his eyes.

He shuts Niall’s eyes and takes off his dog tags. He reaches inside the jacket and removes the diary. He looks at Niall one last time before he takes a deep breath and runs over to Zayn.

There are few soldiers in the bend beside them so he barks orders at the them to get the medics but they look at him helplessly.

Harry grabs a few burlap sacks that litter ground and squats down beside Zayn.

“DON’T WORRY ZAYN. I’VE GOT YOU!”

Zayn doesn’t answer him. His face wet from the tears, sweat and rain that drips over him. Harry rips open the gap that’s already torn in Zayn’s pants and sees that the boy’s entire knee has been blasted open. His flesh is mixed with shrapnel and it’s still burning into his tissues.

“RIP ME SOME LONG STRANDS FROM THIS BURLAP!” He yells at the soldiers and throws the sacks at them. He takes one to rip himself and pulls it under Zayn’s thigh and ties it with all the force he’s got to stop the blood flow. 

“WHERE ARE THE MEDICS?!?!” He screams.

“No one’s comin’ here now.” A soldier says while slipping him some strands. 

“Look around ya mate.” Says another. “Our left and right flank are in smokes. Everything is collapsed. There are no medics up here.” 

Harry looks up and around for the first time and sees that there are fighters littering the sky above. There’s smoke burning in every corner. Fires are still being exchanged and grenades are still blowing up. Yet strangely all around him is silence. He doesn’t hear anything but the pounding of his own heart in his ears. He no longer hears the screams, the shots or the blasts. He looks down at Zayn, whose eyes are closed. Zayn is going pale.

“Zayn, you have to trust me mate. I’m going to get you outta here!” Harry says reassuring him.

“This is going to hurt but it’s your only chance!” He gets up and runs back to where he’s dropped his rifle. He runs back and sits down next to Zayn. He lines up the rifle against Zayn’s outer thigh and uses the strands of burlap to tie his leg against it. Zayn winces in pain as Harry squeezes the knots. “We’re almost done.” Harry promises. “Just one more.” He ties another.

Harry looks up at the soldiers who now hover above them. “I’m going to get up there. You two are going to pick him up and hand him over to me!”

“Are you nuts lad?” One says.

“It’s our only chance!”

“It’s bloody suicide! You’re going to get shot running above the trenches.”

“I’m a fast runner.” He says. “May give us a chance yet!”

The boys exchange mixed glances but do as they’re told. They lift Zayn off the floor and when they’ve managed to get him above their heads, Harry climbs up and takes a hold of him.

“Godspeed.” One says.

A few shots go off beside his legs but he doesn’t flinch. He lifts Zayn higher and wraps his arms around him. He turns back and starts running down to the landing.

Shots are still going off in their direction so he runs in zigzags to avoid them.

Harry doesn’t think. He just does. It feels like hours but it’s only been a few minutes since he’s set off. He’s managed to stay on his feet despite the slippery and uneven grounds. He is surprised when he finds himself jumping a few times all the while carrying Zayn. He’s never thought himself capable of such strength but leave it to trauma to surprise you.

He makes it to the landing screaming at the top of his lungs for the medics. He can see Zayn’s face growing paler and he no longer screams from the pain. He’s passed out from it.

Two medics in white frocks run to him with a stretcher. He quickly lays Zayn down and they usher him towards the first aid tent. Harry follows closely behind but his weight gives out and he collapses on the beach.

* * *

Louis makes it back to carrier on an empty tank. He let his Spit just glide down and catch hold of the arresting wires.

His fly back had been a lonely one. His thoughts were loud and they filled in the silence. Louis feels himself a changed man.

He was relieved to be in company of his men again.

He didn’t speak much when he landed. He went to the CO’s office and told him they’ve lost Jag and Timber. He scoured through the masses on deck and searched for Liam. An officer told him that Liam had baled out and was being escorted back to the carrier by the Chopper. So he cut straight to the end of the carrier and waited for the Chopper to drop.

When Liam emerged, he walked up to him and embraced him with no words exchanged. It was Louis’ first time holding Liam.

The two of them stood like that until Liam was ordered away. 

“Tommo.” Liam had told him. “I think I’m in big trouble.”

Louis gave him a sympathetic smile and saw him off.

The air raids died out. No bombers made it to the Cape. The crossfires over Cape Helles were also dying down and the sun finally shone and cleared out the storms of the deprecated day. There was so much fatigue in the air. So much aftermath to repair. The world was feeling quiet again and yet so much was happening all around. 

* * *

Louis feels himself restless. He can’t sit in bed. His body just twitches and his mind races. He can’t wander the halls and Liam is not around. He feels something inside him urging him to go to Helles. He doesn’t why but he feels he needs to it.

He finds himself walking back to the CO’s office. He knocks a few times before the answer comes.

“Come in Lieutenant.”

There’s a lot of tension in the room. The CO looks visibly upset by the day’s event and the losses they’ve incurred. Louis knows his own feelings show on his face.

“At ease.” He says with a gentle voice. 

“I need to go to Cape Helles.” Louis says. 

“What for?” 

“Personal matters sir.” 

“Lieutenant I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

He speaks with Louis in a calmness Louis has never heard before. The CO is grieving his greatest losses. Louis knows now is not the best time to ask but his heart can’t give it up. 

“Sir, it would mean a lot to me if you gave me this chance.” Louis feels himself swallow thickly around the words. “I need to go.” 

The CO only nods back slightly. He doesn’t look at him and Louis knows it’s because he worries his eyes will give away too much. 

“And how do you plan to make it to shore?” He asks him. 

“Well sir, I was hoping to hitch a ride on the relief boat. I’ll even help out with unpacking the supplies.” 

The CO nods at him again and pretends to read the papers stacked on his desk. 

“Alright Lieutenant. Thank you for pulling your weight today.” 

“Thank you sir!” Louis feels the pressure lessen.

“Report back to duty once you’re onboard the ship.” His voice low and Louis feels bad for him. He knows just how close he and Jag were. It had been a most unfortunate day for their Squadron.

“Right so Sir. Thank you.” He stands up and takes his leave. 

* * *

Louis goes back to the quarters and finds Liam pacing back and forth down the corridor. “Liam.” He says breaking him out of his trance. “What’s this about?” 

Liam looks a little hesitant at first but tells him that he feels upset about defying orders and abandoning his position. Louis doesn’t know why that would affect him so much given that they’ve done it countless times before. Liam insists that it’s because this time it was his own doing. 

“Well.. okay Liam but no use dwelling on that now. What’s done is done. Anyway listen, I’ve got permission to ride out with the next relief boat to Cape Helles. Thought I’d tell you before I disappear.”

“Why are you going to the Cape?” Liam asks curiously. 

“I’m not sure Liam…” Louis takes a seat on his bottom bunk. “I just feel I need to.”

“What are you going to do there?” 

“I’m going to check on Harry.” He admits. 

Liam studies his face intently. He doesn’t make any quick reactions.

“Louis.” He finally says. “Please check on Zayn for me too.” He takes a seat next to him. “Tell him I would have been there but I’m not in the good books right now to ask for favors. I’ll try my best to write him tomorrow. Just see if he’s okay.” He places an hand on Louis’ shoulder. 

“Of course Payno. I’ll check on the whole lot.” 

Liam gives him a faint smile which Louis reciprocates. There’s so much melancholy in the air that neither of them of have the courage to feign happiness or any sort of excitement right now. 

“I will be back soon.” Louis says and takes off. 

* * *

When the boat steadies on shore. Louis is the first to jump out. His anxiety is heightened at the sights before him. There are hundreds of uniformed men scattered around the beach landing. He starts running through the crowds and scanning all the faces. He’s turned over a few soldiers mistaking them for Harry and uttered quick apologies. He’s nerves are getting to him and it only grows as time passes.

He’s tried to retrace the steps back to their trenches but he was stopped by a group of soldiers who told him the trenches were completely abandoned and all survivors, wounded and dead were on the beach landing. He turned back and started his run to the first aid station. He may as well start with the worst case scenario.

When Louis finally spots him, he sees that Harry is hunched over in the sand, just outside the tent.

“Harry!” he shouts a little louder than he means and startles Harry in the process. “I’m sorry – I'm sorry.” He places a hand on his shoulder.

Harry doesn’t look up at him after that. His head drops forward and he hugs his knees in closer. Louis feels his heart race. Something is wrong. Something is terribly wrong.

“Are you okay?” Louis asks – looking at the other foot soldiers laying near them. Many of them are wounded and have bandages and makeshift splints hanging onto their limbs.

Louis hears a few grunts and groans coming from the crowded area. He sees the unit Chaplin making his rounds and praying with the soldiers. He turns back to Harry.

“Why are you here?” he asks but no answer comes.

“Are you wounded?”

Harry shakes his head no. Louis gets on one knee and forces Harry to look up at him. “Where is Zayn?” Louis asks with a sudden realization that Zayn is not with him.

Harry points at the tent. “He’s wounded.” He whispers back.

Louis can see the devastation manifested on his face.

“And the Irish lad?” 

Harry’s head falls back down and that about says it. Louis sees his body tremble a bit followed by a whispered “Gone.” 

Louis places both hands on Harry’s shoulders and brings him in for an embrace. He holds them there as Harry cries into his arms.

“I’m very sorry.” Louis whispers. “I’m sorry for your loss and sorry for your pain.” He runs a hand along Harry’s back trying to comfort him. He feels himself sweat and crumble in the embrace. “I’ll be right back Harry. I have to check on Zayn.” He moves away hastily and runs to the tent. 

Louis finds a nurse standing by the entrance. He asks her on the status of Zayn. She walks him over to the bed and he can see that Zayn is sedated with morphine. He’s got a cast that stretches over his entire right leg. She tells him that they are flying out the wounded to the Red Cross hospital in Alexandria.

“When are they flying him out?”

“In the next few hours. We are waiting on a few planes to come in.”

“Okay.” He says sounding a little bit defeated. “Okay, thank you.” He nods at her politely and walks back outside.

“Harry.” Louis squats down in front of him. “They are flying Zayn out to a hospital in a few hours.”

Harry tears up at that and presses his lips together. The sight of that breaks Louis’ heart. He can’t imagine what Harry’s been through. What any of them have been through. He only wishes he can do more but time is irreversible and there’s nothing he can change.

Harry breaks out into another fit of cries. He folds into himself and covers his head. Louis sees his body shake and tremble from the sobs. Harry looks absolutely crushed. Louis’ never been so good at comforting people or the contact even. Today he’s hugged Liam for the first time because his own pain needed that comfort. And now he’s holding Harry for the same reason but it feels foreign to him.

“Harry.” Louis whispers to him but Harry only shakes his head. He can’t bring himself to talk and Louis understands.

Louis takes a seat on the floor and sits back. He watches Harry. He feels helpless. In that moment, he remembers the dream. Remembers the fear in Harry’s eyes. The warnings and the cautions. Remembers there was a song and he thinks the song is right here. It’s this moment. It feels like a dejavu. He’s been here before. He’s heard Harry cry before. He’s staring at Harry as this revelation plays out before him and it feels like time stops.

Louis is in his head now. Where’s that voice that was guiding him? What’s he supposed to do? There are no answers but a feeling lets him know that he can’t leave Harry’s side. It’s in that realization that he knows he must take Harry back with him. 

Louis sits forward in his place. “Harry?” He says. “Where’s your kit? your bag?”

Harry looks up at him and shrugs his shoulder. The tears just keep streaming down his face and its absolutely heart wrenching.

“Okay, let’s go mate. Get up.” Louis tells him. He can’t sit around and watch him cry. It’s tearing him apart.

Harry refuses to get up.

“Harry, we need to move now.” Louis whispers.

“Where?” He says with trembled breath.

“You are coming back with me.”

Harry tugs his brows together and shakes his head.

“Common Harry. I’m not going to leave you alone like this. Please. Just trust me?”

Louis squats down in one last attempt to convince him. He wraps his arms around him and whispers in his ear. “Harry… just trust me please?”

He gives him a squeeze and gets up.

He puts out a hand and waits for Harry to take it. Harry looks at it with some hesitation before slowly reaching out and taking his hand. Louis carefully lifts him off the floor and guides him back to the boat. They don’t talk on the way. Louis feels it’s soon to say anything. All that matters is that he has Harry by his side.

* * *

"You are trembling.” 

Harry nods. His arms are wrapped tightly around his body. “’m cold.” He mumbles.

Louis sees that his uniform is damp and muddy. The sun is beginning to set and the cool air sends shivers down his own spine. They’re standing on one end of the boat and the breeze from ripping through the waves only makes it worse. 

Louis begins to unzip his jacket. “Take your coat off.” He says gently but Harry shakes his head in protest.

“Common Harry… I really don’t want to argue with you.” Harry doesn’t respond. Louis gives him a pleading look but he won’t look him in the eyes. “If you won’t take it off, I’ll do it myself.” 

Louis moves Harry’s arms from where they are folded over his chest but Harry shoves him away. “Harry??”

Louis looks hurt and Harry can see it.

“I’ve soiled myself.” Harry says with a whimper. “Probably got over my jacket.” His head drops and Louis can see that he’s crying again. Louis takes off his own jacket. He walks up to Harry and puts his hands on his shoulders.

“Harry… I don’t care that you’ve soiled yourself. Your wet and cold. Now please, help me take off your jacket so we can get you warmed up okay?”

Harry’s lips continue to quiver and he doesn’t answer him. Louis begins to unbuckle the belt that ties around Harry’s waist. He starts unbuttoning from the top and sees that Harry moves one hand and tends to the buttons on the bottom.

Louis helps him take off his jacket and gives him his own to put on.

Harry nods at him when he pulls away in attempt to thank him.

Louis tosses Harry’s jacket over his shoulders and turns to look at the carrier. They’re making good speed. 

A few minutes pass before Harry looks to Louis and whispers. “What if I get found out?”

Louis can see the worry in his eyes.

“I’ll make sure you are taken care of. Don’t worry about that.” Louis pats his back as they begin to slow down and ascend to the carrier.

* * *

Once they are on board the carrier Louis walks Harry over to the sleeping quarters. When they get inside Louis finds Liam pacing again.

“Harry!?” Liam shouts.

Louis quickly walks in front of him and tries to give Liam a look to stop.

“Liam a word with you outside please.” He says.

“W-where’s Zayn? Why is Harry here?” Liam panics.

“Liam! Outside. Don’t worry Zayn’s fine. I promise.” Louis turns to Harry.

“Harry, these are our bunks. I’m going to get you a pail of water so you can have a bath. I’ll be back. You can lay down and rest for a bit.”

Louis pulls Liam by the arm and leads him outside the quarters. He takes a deep breath and turns to face him. Liam is asking a bunch of questions but Louis chooses to ignore them.

“Liam.” Louis puts an arm on his shoulder for reassurance. “Zayn is going to be fine. He was wounded in the crossfires but he is fine.”

“Wounded?”

Louis sees that Liam’s eyes fill with tears.

“Payno, listen mate. It’s nothing serious. He’s not lost a limb. He’s only got a deep cut from the shrapnel but he’ll be fine.”

“I need to go see him!!” Liam shouts. 

Louis wrestles his shirt and stops him from running away. “He’s going to be flown out to the Red Cross Hospital. May have already been flown out.”

“Where?” Liam whimpers.

“Alexandria. He’ll be looked after by some proper doctors. Stop worrying mate.”

“That’s so far away!” He says wiping at the tears that escape.

“Payno that’s a good thing innit? He’ll be far from all this madness and recover at a hospital. Wouldn’t you rather that than him being stuck down there?” 

Liam looks back at the Cape and wipes at his eyes. He nods his head at Louis. Louis words are true. Liam would rather that for Zayn.

Louis wraps an arm around his shoulders.

“He’s going to be alright.”

“Yeah…” Liam whimpers. “I know.” He nods his head again and presses his lips together.

“Their other friend didn’t make it.”

Liam lowers his head at the news. He doesn’t have any words to offer right now.

“And Harry is shell-shocked. That’s why I brought him back. I couldn’t leave him alone.” Louis finishes.

Liam nods his head understandingly. “Very decent of you Louis.”

“Right… Liam.. I need you to do me a favor.” Louis says. “I need you to speak to the lads in our quarters and tell them not to peep a word about Harry. I’m hiding him out here until he’s ready to go back. Can you do that for me?”

Liam nods his head and wipes his hand over his face. Despite the tragic news, Liam feels himself coming to terms with Zayn's departure. In a strange way, it offers him relief. 

“Yeah… Yeah of course. I’ll take care of it.” He takes a deep breath and tries to recollect himself.

“Good." Louis pats his back. "Good to have you back wingman. Alright dry your tears. I have to run some errands but I’ll meet you back here soon.”

Liam gives him another nod and they split ways.

* * *

Louis runs downstairs for the water and grabs a few sponges and towels from the stewardess. When he gets back to the room he finds Harry standing in the same place he’s left him. He’s in a deep trance and Louis feels awful for him.

“Harry?” He whispers startling him again. “It’s just me… It’s me, Louis.”

He puts a hand on Harry's back. “I’ve got the water and sponges. I’ll get you spare clothes, they’re just here behind my bed. Let me take those boots. I’ll get them cleaned up for you too.”

Harry doesn’t stir from his place. He doesn’t utter a word either. He’s gaze is distant and haunting.

Louis kneels down and is attempting to remove Harry’s boots but Harry places a hand on his head and stops him.

“What is it Harry?” He says looking up.

Harry’s lips tremble and a tear drop falls off his face and lands on Louis. Louis lets it sit there. Harry squats down and starts removing his own boots.

Louis leaves him to it and walks over to bring him the spare clothes. When he turns back he finds that Harry has removed his boots.

“Here you can put these on after you’ve washed.” Louis says placing the clothes on Liam’s bottom bunk.

“I’ll take your clothes down to the stewardess and have them laundered.”

Harry moves slowly to remove his clothes and still doesn’t respond. Louis doesn’t mind it. 

Louis watches him slowly undress himself. He doesn’t know why but he can’t force his gaze away. When Harry removes his undershirt Louis sees that his back is marred with scars and lacerations. 

Louis winces in pain for him.

“How long have you been at war?” Louis asks. 

“A week.” Harry whispers back standing with his back to Louis. 

“Those scars on your back are not a product of one week’s battle.” Louis says.

He can see that Harry’s body grows tense. His head falls forward and his hands move weakly to undo his pants. He turns his head back only slightly. “Do you mind?” He whispers. 

“I’m sorry. – of course.” Louis turns his body around to give him privacy. “Just let me know when all your clothes are on the floor so I can take them down.” 

* * *

On his way out Louis entertains thoughts and questions about the scars on Harry’s back. He wants to know what happened and the reason for it. Perhaps one day if they grow close enough he’ll ask him about it but right now, he's got enough on his plate to deal with.

Louis’ drops off the clothes to the stewardess and tends to Harry’s boots himself.

He had been right when he’d seen them the first time. They were in fact pilot boots. Judging by the style Louis assumes they were worn in the First World War.

 _Curious_.

He wonders why Harry is wearing them. He studies them with a keen interest and remembers Harry telling him in the dream that the boots would judge them. _What significance did that hold?_

He drops the boots after a few minutes of close inspection and runs back to the quarters. 

* * *

Liam manages to track down the 4 pilots sharing their sleeping quarters. He told them of the news and the pilots promised full discretion. 

He then made his way to James and requested the address for the hospital in Alexandria. James handed over the information without delay or question and Liam snuck into an empty vessel room and wrote out a quick letter to Zayn.

He sealed the envelope and dropped it back at the Chopper thanking James and taking his leave to see his CO again. 

* * *

When Louis returns to the quarters he finds Harry still standing in place except now he’s clean and dressed in Louis clothes. Louis stares at him in awe.

He’s finally seeing Harry under all the dirt and grime.

Harry’s hair is swept back and a strand of hair falls over his left eye. Louis feels himself stuck. He’s not able to step in closer nor speak and it oddly feels like a repeat of his dream. Harry looks at him waiting on a cue but Louis doesn’t make a sound.

“Louis?” He asks.

Louis wants to answer. Wants to respond to him but something stills him in place. His body tingles just as it did in his dream. And his stomach churns with nerves. Louis takes a step back and drops his gaze to the floor.

Something isn’t right here. Something in him has shifted.

Except now is not the time for him to be thinking about himself or the thoughts that creep into his mind. He bites down on his lip and looks up at Harry.

“Hey Harry. Got your boots for you.” He walks in closer and settles the boots on the floor.

Louis takes a seat on the bed and pats the spot next to him. “Come have a seat. Liam won’t mind.”

Harry moves slowly and sits down next to him hesitantly. _What was that?_

“Are you hungry?” Louis asks. “I can probably find you something to eat.” He tries hard to make conversation to steer away from his thoughts and the feeling in his stomach that persists.

Harry shakes his head no. “Not hungry. Thanks.”

“Okay.” Louis says. “Let me know if you get hungry.”

Louis has never been the sort of person to feel uncomfortable in silence. He typically fills in that silence but now it feels strange to him. 

“Maybe you’d like to nap?” Louis asks in defeat.

“No.” Harry tells him and the room falls silent again.

Harry stares down at the floor and Louis looks up at the ceiling searching for any answers there.

“Why did you come to the Cape?” Harry asks softly.

Louis’ eyes dart around the room. He’s surprised that Harry makes an attempt at conversation.

“I came looking for you.” Louis admits. _There’s nothing else he can say._

“Me?” Harry says looking his way. “Why?” It’s an earnest question.

Louis fidgets on the bed. His nerves are getting to him again. He doesn’t know what he’ll say.

“I-I don’t know Harry.” _And that’s the truth isn’t it?_

Harry looks away and Louis feels bad that he didn’t have an answer for him. _What does he say? I had a dream? I heard a voice? I had a feeling?_ None of it is rational nor fit for an explanation.

“Harry…” Louis starts. “I’m sorry about yesterday. That… that was very shallow of me to insult you like that.”

At least he can apologize in place of an explanation.

Harry’s head turns back to him but he doesn’t meet his gaze. “I’m sorry too.” He says. “I – I… let my personal feelings get in the way.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Louis says.

“I saw the air raid.” Harry whispers. His eyes track up to the ceiling as though he can see beyond them and picture the air raid just above him. 

Louis looks to him with interest. 

“The skies were on fire.” Harry’s eyes grow wider and Louis can almost see the fire reflecting in his eyes.

Harry looks down and his eyes land on Louis. “I’m sorry.” He says. “About my comment.”

Louis sees the glints of tears now forming in his eyes. They are threatening to spill over.

“Harry. It’s fine. Really. Let’s just put it behind us. What do you say?” He nudges him gently and Harry nods to it.

They sit in silence for a little longer but this time it passes more comfortably. 

“Harry.. I should probably check in with my CO.” He finally says getting up. “If you’d like I can show you to the hanger and you can watch the Spits until I finish up?”

Harry shrugs shyly. He’s not sure where he’s allowed to go or whether he should even be seen.

Louis walks over to his shelf and grabs him a jacket with the RAF insignia. “Here put this on. No one will give you any trouble.”

Harry studies the jacket carefully before slipping it on.

Louis slips into his bomber jacket and waits for Harry to put on his boots. He leads them out of the quarters and down the stair shaft into the back entrance of the hanger.

Harry is amazed at the sight of it. It’s much bigger than he imagined it. Louis lets him stand back for a while and take it all in.

“Marvelous, isn’t she?” He gives him a small smile.

“Very big.” Harry says.

“Yes.” Louis chuckles lightly. “That she is. Come here. I’ll show my girl.”

Harry follows behind him as they walk to the right side of the hanger.

“And here she is.” Louis rubs a hand over her nose. “She waiting for repair but you can still check her out or sit inside and get a feel for her.”

Harry walks around examining the Spitfire. He’s never been up close to one but he’s seen them flying all the time. They look a lot bigger up close.

He runs a hand over her fuselage and is starting to circle around when Louis tells him he’ll be back shortly. Harry nods and Louis sets off.

Harry continues to round her and runs his fingers over the many holes punctured into her body and wings. He comes back to his starting point and wonders if he should sit inside. Perhaps sitting inside will make him understand something. 

He puts a hand on her canopy and heaves himself up. He sits inside and lets his feet slip onto the rudder breaks. He looks at the instruments and sees photographs that catch his eyes. He leans in for a closer look and runs his fingers over them.

His eyes cast down and he sees the throttle. He wraps a hand around it and holds it still. _So this is what it’s like_. He looks on either side of him and behind him. He wonders what it’s like with the canopy closed and flying in the air. If he’d been a pilot would he be more like his father or more like Louis? He doesn’t know.

He hears footsteps run towards him and sees that Louis stops in front of the Spit with a smile on his face.

“You look like a true pilot in there.”

The comment was intended as a compliment but something about it puts him off. He quickly gets up and jumps out of the cockpit.

Louis looks at him like he’s waiting for a response but Harry doesn’t answer to it.

“She’s got a lot of holes.” He finally says.

“Yeah.” Louis winces. “Had a bit of a rough day today.” He crosses his arms over his chest. Harry can see that Louis is trying to make light of the situation.

“You weren’t hurt?” He asks.

Louis shakes his head. “No… I was the only lucky one today.” His voice falls short.

His eyes scan over the Spitfire and he avoids looking at Harry. Louis hadn’t thought about his earlier dogfight. He was so wrapped up with getting to Cape Helles that the memories slipped. It feels like it was some time ago but it was only this morning. He takes a deep breath and looks over to Harry. Harry’s watching him intently and it makes Louis’ breath catch in his throat.

Harry feels like he’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t so he clears his throat and points at the dash.

“The photographs.” He says. “Your Mum and wife?”

Louis feels himself smile and shakes his head. “Mum and sister.” _God good. wife?_

“Good looking family.” Harry replies.

“Yeah…” Louis says. “keep their photographs in there to keep watch over me.”

Harry shakes his head a little trying to understand. “Keep watch?”

“No longer with us.” Louis says. “Lost them during the war.” 

Harry’s face falls and Louis sees that the mention of loss sparks the same despair that was on his face earlier.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” Harry whispers.

“Thanks.” Louis nods and extends a hand towards a bench that lines up with the wall. “You want to sit down for a bit?”

“TOMMO!” A shout from behind startles them. Louis turns back and sees Liam walking up to them.

“Payno, my good lad!”

“I was looking for you two.”

“Sorry. I brought Harry down to see the Spits. We were just about to have a seat. Care to join?”

“Yeah.. sure.” Liam gives Harry a pleasant smile and walks past him to sit on the bench.

Louis and Harry follow after him and Harry finds himself sat in between them.

“Harry.” Liam says in gentle and comforting voice. “I’m sorry for your loss today. Know that I’m here for you and I know Louis is looking after you but if there’s anything you need just let me know.” 

Harry feels overwhelmed by the words. He’s trying his best not dwell on the earlier events but Liam’s words pierce his heart and send a painful reminder of what happened to Niall and Zayn. 

“Thank you.” He tells him. 

There’s a brief silence before Harry turns to Liam and tells him “I’m sorry about Zayn too.” 

Liam puts an arm around Harry and Louis feels himself tense up. He’s not sure why he feels this way but he tries to shove his feelings aside.

“Zayn’s going to be okay Harry.” Liam says. “He’s a fighter. He’s going to pull through. I just know it.” He gives Harry a little smile and Louis sees that Harry smiles back at him timidly.

Louis feels a spur of jealousy and it burns at his stomach lining. 

“We want to make sure you’re okay. That’s all that matters to us.” Liam stares off into the hanger. “Anything we can do for you right now?”

Louis is upset that Liam is so straightforward with this. He worries that it will only make Harry crawl back into the shell that Louis worked hard to pry him from.

“No…” Harry shakes his head. “You’ve done enough for me really.”

“I hardly think so.” Liam says. “Any friend of Zayn’s is a friend of mine. Know that I’ll do anything I can for you.”

Louis is agitated. He doesn’t know why he is upset with how Liam speaks to Harry. He’s meant it all in good faith. Liam is his wingman, he’s best friend really. So why does it bother him? 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Liam asks him softly.

Harry presses his lips together. His eyes are still downcast and his head is hung low.

Louis wants to say something, anything to distract away from the conversation but the words don’t come. 

“Yeah.” Harry whispers. “I do.” 

Liam's presence brings comfort to Harry despite hating on him a day ago. Knowing that he and Zayn were so close makes Liam familiar by association. It's a strange thing but Harry doesn't mind Liam holding him or talking to him because in a way, he was a part of this. A part of their group of 3. 

“Take your time Harry. Whenever you feel ready to start, we’ll be here listening.” Liam squeezes his shoulder and Louis can’t peel his eyes away from the touch. He hates himself for not being more like Liam. 

“It all happened so fast.” Harry whispers. “me and Zayn were just afraid. He was shaking a lot.” Liam squeezes his shoulder again.

Harry shakes his head trying to remember that events that followed. “Niall was the only one at his station.” He pauses and bites down on his lips. Liam runs his hand over Harry's back and Louis feels himself heat up. He feels queasy.

“Niall sent me to get ammunition and I don’t know what Zayn was doing but when I got back the grenade landed. Right there. Next to Niall. I was a few meters away.” Liam rests his chin on Harry’s shoulder. It's Liam who is holding him but Harry feels Zayn's presence and touch instead.

“It felt like a split second. Somehow I got over to Niall and he was gone and Zayn was just lying there.” Harry pauses. “He was crying in pain so I just picked him up and ran and somehow we made it to the tent.”

Liam pulls Harry in and hugs him and Louis continues to watch them feeling left out.

“You did a very brave thing Harry.” Liam whispers in his ear. “Thank you for looking after Zayn. I’m indebted to you.”

Harry shakes his head. “No… I didn’t do much.” Liam just hugs him and tells him it’s okay.

Louis watches on feeling stunned. How did Liam just get Harry to trust him and open up to him so easily? 

Louis thinks perhaps he’s missed an important lesson on human interaction. He stares at them no longer with jealousy or pain but with wonder and amusement. How does he learn this?

Harry pulls away from Liam’s embrace and Liam pats him over the leg. “You did well Harry.” He says again.

Harry feels lighter. Soothed. Liam's hold seemed to wring away most his pain and suffering. It's as if he soaked up all his worries and freed him from the weight of it all.

Harry looks over to Louis and sees that Louis is already looking at him with a very sorry look in his eyes.

“I’m sorry about everything that happened today.” Louis says and Harry gives him a little smile.

“Thank you for coming.” He says. “To the Cape.”

Louis hovers at his smile and feels himself at ease. There’s a calmness that fills the air around them and he is most grateful to Liam.

Louis looks over at Liam and gives him a smile secretly thanking him.

“You are very welcome Harry.” He finally says looking back to Harry.

“I’m sorry to be leaving you but I have to go do chores as part of my punishment.” Liam stands up and straightens himself out.

“Alright Payno.” Louis says. “We’ll see you later.”

Liam gives Harry another pat on the back and Harry tells him goodbye. 

Louis finds himself with Harry again and this time it feels just as different as all the previous times.

“Still not hungry?” Louis asks him. 

“No…” Harry sighs. “But I’d really like a cigarette.”

Louis reaches into his jacket and pulls out his pack.

“A fellow smoker?” Harry doesn’t respond as Louis leans in to light him up.

“Didn’t smoke till I got here.” Harry says after taking his first drag.

Louis nods at him like he understands. All the young lads end up smoking here. It’s just the thing to do out of boredom, stress, to cover up the smells or to suppress the appetite. It was everywhere and you couldn’t avoid it.

“I just really want to smell it …” His lips twitch a bit, “reminds me of Niall and Zayn.”

“Course.” Louis nods. “Whenever you want one, just ask.”

Harry hovers his eyes over the Spitfire. He wonders what Louis’ morning was like. Whether he had flown over him during the crossfires.

“What’s it like up there?” Harry says turning to him.

“Well… most of the time it reeks of urine or puke.” He says. But he knows that’s not what Harry means. He eyes down his own Spit and tries to think of what it’s like. How do you even describe it someone who hasn’t experienced it?

“Sometimes it gets quiet. Really quiet.” Louis says staring at the cockpit.

“What’s your score?” Harry asks.

Louis raises his eyebrows and exhales the smoke from his mouth. “I've got 3 kills, 4 assists, 3 destroyed. Pending today’s review I’ll have another 2 kills, 2 assists and 1 destroyed.”

Louis looks away from his Spit and meets Harry’s gaze. Harry is looking at him awestruck.

“Something the matter?” He asks with concern.

“No..” Harry says snapping out of it. “No… I mean. Wow, those are pretty good numbers.” Harry knows enough about flying to know that Louis’ numbers are pretty impressive. 

“Oh…” Louis says. “Yeah, thanks. Just not an Ace yet.”

Louis turns back to him hesitantly, “I don’t.. I don’t count kills for my ego Harry.” He wanted to put the argument behind them but he also didn’t want to be misunderstood. A part of him wants to prove to Harry that he isn’t that sort of pilot.

“I know.” Harry responds. “I can see that now. Sorry again.” 

“It’s alright. I’ve already forgiven you.” Louis smiles at him. Harry’s opinion mattered to him. He’s not sure why but it did.

This evening has really turned around. It was a great contrast to the morning and afternoon and Louis feels good about it.

Louis is about to stub out his cigarette when the carrier sounds her alarm. Harry jumps at the sound and draws his hands over his ears.

“Fuckkkkk!!!” Louis feels his soul jump out his body and settle back in roughly with nothing but adrenaline intact. 

“Harry!” Louis shouts. “Harry I’ve got to go!”

Louis doesn’t wait on his response because his body is already running him to the Ready Room.

* * *

“What Spit am I flying?!?” He shouts at his CO.

There are pilots running about and getting themselves strapped to their gear. There’s calls and shouts all over the room and Louis’ senses are in overdrive.

Louis sees Liam stop next to him. The two of them get issued new Spits and they quickly scramble out to the gallery together.

Louis’ eyes are darting around furiously trying to find his new Spit but his vision is obscured by Harry who runs up to him. 

“Louis!” Harry shouts. “Here, take these!”

Harry hands them the photographs. Louis’ mouth falls open and he doesn’t know what to say.

Harry looks at him with fear in his eyes. It’s the same look he gave him last night in his dream. 

“Louis, be careful! Be careful up there!” He says.

Louis gets lost in the moment. His eyes run over Harry’s face. He knows that panicked voice and this same terrified stare. He doesn’t know whether he’s dreaming or not.

“LOUIS!” Harry shouts but it does nothing to bring Louis out of his trance.

Louis reaches for his dog tags. It feels cold. It stings his skin. _This must be real_. Louis shakes his head and takes the photographs from Harry’s hands.

“Thank you Harry." He says gently. "I will be back. I promise.”

He steps back and salutes him. Harry salutes him back and watches as Louis turns around and runs down the gallery. 


	4. A Breath of Air

** February 14, 1942 – HMS Trenton **

Harry stands in the gallery and watches Louis closely as he taxis to the runway and prepares to be catapulted into the sky. He covers his ears when a second fighter jet takes off on an adjacent runway. Seconds later, Louis is speeding down the runway and hauled into the air as well. 

Harry runs following his flight path. He doesn’t register that he does it but his body aches to follow. There are shouts coming at him from every direction. He’s doing something he shouldn’t. He’s running in places that are off bounds. But he does it anyway. He runs all to the way to other side of the carrier and watches Louis fly into the air raid that’s closing in.

He feels himself panting for breath once he reaches but his eyes are still planted to Louis’ plane. He feels his heart sink when shots start to go off. There are flares and smoke around his plane and Harry isn’t sure whether it’s Louis shooting or getting shot at.

“Why aren’t you up there?” A voice calls out behind him and startles him.

A pilot now looks at him with a questioning brow. Harry feels himself tense in place and his body going frigid as he loses sight of Louis’ plane.

“I’m – I’m not a pilot.” He says turning away from the man and finding Louis’ plane again.

He hopes the intruder will let him be but he moves and stands next to him now. Harry looks over to him briefly and sees the man dig his hands into his front pockets and look up to watch the air raid.

“Had me fooled with the RAF jacket.” He says.

“I borrowed it.” Harry admits. He doesn’t think the intruder has ill intentions. His voice is not accusatory and something about his stance next to Harry makes him feel a little secure, just enough to tell him the truth. 

The pilot doesn’t stir from place nor does he acknowledge Harry’s words.

“They’ve had a rough day.” He says. “Reckon half these poor souls won’t live to see the next sunrise.” His voice falls at the last words and it stings Harry in places that are already sore and broken.

He turns to look at Harry again. “Name’s James. Guess you are one of the lucky ones today.”

Harry meets his warm and comforting gaze.

“Harry.” He answers.

“First time watching a raid?” He asks.

“Yeah…” He runs his tongue over his bottom lip. “from this distance.” And so far it’s not thrilling.

James shifts his weight on his feet and looks back up. Harry’s eyes follow the same trajectory.

“It’s never easy to watch.” He says. “Better go inside. I have a feeling this will be the worst one yet.”

Harry feels that same wound blistering and festering inside. He cannot go inside while Louis and Liam are up there. They’re all he’s got left. Despite only knowing them for a few hours, he can’t deny that they brought him some form of peace and security that he desperately needed.

“Can’t” Harry says. “I’m watching out for friends.” It hurts to even say it.

“Friends?” James asks curiously.

A loud explosion overheard causes Harry to jump in place. Harry’s eyes scan to look for Louis plane but he can’t seem to find him anywhere. He feels the panic rise and it makes it even more difficult to concentrate.

James pats him on the back for consolation. It doesn’t take an expert to see that Harry’s already in a fragile state and using whatever courage there is left to watch the remnants of this forsaken day.

“Lieutenants Louis and Liam.” Harry says. His eyes are scanning the sky merciless and he still can’t find Louis. “I can’t see them!” He yells out in frustration.

He means to say, he can’t see Louis anymore because truthfully he hadn’t watched what Spit Liam flew in.

“Ahh the dynamic duo.” James says with a hint of mockery. “Hawkeye and Payno.”

Harry nods like he’s familiar with their call signs. He doesn’t know what to make of James’ tone but its neither the time nor place to inquire.

James watches him steadily. He sees the concern grow on Harry’s face.

“I’ll tell you what Harry. I’ll go turn up the RT in my Chopper. We can listen in to what’s happening.” He tells him.

Harry shoots him a side glance but James is already walking back to the Chopper which is standing right behind them. Harry ran over so blindly that he hadn’t seen the Chopper.

He watches James climb in and fumble with some controls before a projection of voices and noise fill the air around them. Harry takes two steps back to position himself between the Chopper and the edge of the carrier. There are so many voices over the RT that he’s struggling to make out the words.

“You can sit inside.” James shouts over the sound.

Harry shakes his head. “No. I want to see them fly.” He shouts back.

James nods at him and jumps out. He stands next to Harry again with his head craned towards the Chopper to pick up on the voices.

“Right over there!” He points at a Spit that is flying up in a spiral. “That’s your boy Louis!” He shouts.

Harry traces his position in the sky and sees that Louis is trying to lose a schmitt on his tail. Those are his plane numbers alright but it’s hardly a relief with the enemy on his tail!

Harry sees Louis take a sharp dive towards the water. His plane is flying dangerously fast and he wonders if Louis will be able pull up in time. The schmitt is only a few feet behind him and pursuing him without fuss. It takes a shot at Louis but he doesn’t abandon his dive.

Harry covers his mouth and stares on in absolute shock and worry. He’s never seen a dogfight this close.

“TOMMO PULL UP!!!” Harry hears Liam’s scream over the RT.

The schmitt fires at Louis again but nothing seems to catch fire or blow up. Harry feels his heart beat out of his chest. He doesn’t know whether he can watch anymore.

“NOT A CHANCE! I’VE GOT THIS IN THE BAG!!” Harry hears Louis’ voice on the RT. Something about Louis’ voice and confidence provides Harry some ease. His words are perfectly timed.

“You needn’t worry!” James plants a hand on his shoulder and gives it a squeeze. “He does it all the time!”

The Spit is only a few meters from the water and Louis doesn’t look like he’s going to slow down. Harry feels his eyes ready to jump out of his sockets. He naturally runs back to the edge of the carrier for a better view. 

“PULL UP!!!” Harry yells.

Louis pulls his nose up as though he’s heard Harry’s cry. Another perfect timing.

His Spit’s belly skids the water and he gives her more thrust to fly her back up. The schmitt on his tail belly flops in and has no chance of meeting air again. She’s floating on the water and out of the game.

_Another damaged for Louis._

Harry watches Louis circle above them and fly back out to the raid. Louis voice is briefly heard over the RT but Harry can’t make it out.

“What did he say?!” He yells over to James who shrugs back also having missed the message.

Harry walks back to the Chopper for a better listen.

“Nickels this is Hawkeye, I hear you. Standby. I’m coming over.” Louis plants his eyes on the new recruit’s plane. He’s been shouting for help but no one was free to aid him.

Nicolson is flying aimlessly and attempting to dodge 3 schmitts on his own. _They are hungry_ , Louis thinks. _3 on 1, hardly a fair fight_ _for a rookie!_

He pushes his yoke forward and goes speeding down firing bullets from behind. Once the leading schmitt catches on, he tries to zig zag through the shots but that only makes his pattern decipherable.

 _This is easy_ , Louis thinks, _good-bye sucker!_

He sends a deflection shot to meet him on his next turn and **BOOM!** The left side engine engulfs in flames and the schmitt goes barreling down to the sea.

_Another damage or potential kill._

Louis locks eyes on the schmitt's pilot who now flies on his wing tip.

“Game time!” He sneers.

Harry catches his words over the RT and bites down on his lips. There’s something about his confidence that stills Harry’s panic but only slightly. He feels himself grow more curious than scared. He wants to see what Louis is like as a pilot and engaged in a dog fight. If his numbers are true than his skills must be extraordinary and Harry isn’t going to miss his opportunity to witness it.

Louis barrel rolls and lines himself over the schmitt. He taunts the pilot from his cockpit with a smirk. It’s a terrible thing to expose your belly like that, so he quickly flips back and comes to the other side of the schmitt. He slows down his Spit and lets the schmitt get ahead. He steps on the left rudder brake and pulls behind the plane.

“Here we go.” He whispers while steading his breath and squinting his eyes to focus. 3 – 2 – 1 … **BOOM!**

A round of shots rip right through the schmitt and she catches fire with a loud explosion. There’s no chance for the pilot to bale from this one.

_Another kill._

“Hawkeye, want to strip the last one too?”

“Can’t manage alone?” He doesn’t mean to sound like a jerk but he did just clean out the other two.

“It’s on my tail, I can’t bring myself around!”

Louis presses his lips together and turns his plane around. He saw them fly by not long ago so this probably won’t take long. Louis squints at the planes ahead. Something doesn’t add up.

“Why are you flying so close to the cliff!?” Louis yells at him.

Harry tracks his eyes to the plane that Louis is moving to rescue. The pilot is indeed flying too close to the edge of the cliff and Harry can understand the worry in Louis’ voice.

“MOVE AWAY FROM THE CLIFF!!!” Louis shouts again.

**BOOM!!!**

Harry covers his mouth again and moves a few steps to the left. The pilot just flew himself into the cliff.

“JESUS CHRIST!!!” Louis screams. The shock of it puts him in a brief trance. He was just about to save him! What possessed him to fly into the cliff?!?

Harry looks over to James who only shakes his head in disbelief.

“A pilot’s nerves.” James gives Harry a sorry look. It’s the only explanation he can provide.

That was a most unfortunate accident to witness.

“Hawkeye to Control Tower.” Harry feels himself trudge closer to Louis’ voice.

“Reporting loss of Nickels at 10 miles east of Kumkale by the cliff.” Louis speaks softer and Harry can hear the melancholy in his voice.

“Control Tower to Hawkeye, confirmation of receipt. We will send out rescue once the raid clears.”

Louis closes in on the schmitt that was flying behind Nickels and fires his machine guns at her. The pilot starts to fly away in attempt to dodge him but he stays on her and stalks her with purpose.

She flies up and over and Louis follows and shoots her on the end of the roll but it does nothing. The pilot does a few more rolls and Louis lets him put on a spectacle while he flies on a straight path and stays right behind her.

Harry and James hear a few more Maydays over the RT and Harry can see James grow restless. _He’s got his job cut out for him tonight. In a short time, he’ll be gone too._

Harry grabs onto his dog tags from underneath Louis’ jacket. Something about the gesture feels familiar but he doesn’t know why he does it or why it brings him some comfort.

He watches as Louis closes in on the schmitt that’s done rolling and then Liam’s voice booms over the silence.

“Tommo!! I’ve got two chasers!”

“Payno, give me a minute! I’ll be over!”

Harry takes a deep breath. He wonders which Spit is Liam’s. There are only 6 Spits left in the sky and most of the schmitts have either been shot down or have flown away.

Louis closes in on his schmitt and gives her a good blast to the starboard engine. Always his favorite move. It goes in without trouble and the right wing snaps off sending the schmitt into the drink.

_Another damage. Possibly kill._

“Mayday! Mayday!”

Harry looks over at James frantically. James is pacing around now with a hand gripping the ends of his hair. A few divers emerge from behind the Chopper and James points at them to get inside. 

“Are you leaving?” Harry asks him.

“Possibly. Once the blades start rolling I’m going to need you to move!”

Harry nods. “Right. Sure.” His eyes are wide and he’s going to be alone again. It’s dread. It’s taking over again. He’s pacing in place restlessly.

“It’s going to be okay.” James gives him another pat on the back before turning away and settling inside his Chopper.

Harry looks back to the sky.

“I’m coming Payno!” Louis voice comes howling over the RT.

Harry sees Louis fly to the North closer to the landing. He can see Liam’s Spit now. He’s got two schmitts flying behind him as he said.

There are shots in the sky and black smoke when Louis closes in. Harry can’t tell who is shooting again.

Louis flies over one schmitt and does a wide roll. He turns his Spit the other way and faces the enemy. He controls his Spit effortlessly as though he and his Spit have become one unified body. The maneuver is an impressive one. 

He shoots at the schmitt and it pulls its nose up and flies away from attack. He chases her and gives his Spit more throttle to catch up and close the gap.

“I got one away. Can you handle the other?”

“I’m going to give it – ” **BOOM!**

A shot pierces Liam’s plane and it shakes his Spit.

“PAYNO!” Louis presses down on his rudder and tries to fly back right. He hovers down and starts shooting at the schmitt on Liam’s Spit. There’s a buildup of smoke around the tail and that’s all he can see.

“PAYNO?” He yells again but no answer comes.

Louis sees Liam’s Spit flying aimlessly and without any real direction. It’s slowing down and making him an easy target. Louis flies faster.

 **BOOM!** He spits out his guns and pierces holes in the schmitt. It pulls away from Liam’s tail and comes right for him.

Louis sees the canopy on Liam’s Spit open through some clearings in the smoke. He tries to keep his eyes on it but the schmitt is now shooting at him and he’s forced to bank away.

Louis turns left and from the corner of his eyes he can see a parachute shoot down.

“HAWKEYE TO CONTROL TOWER. PAYNO BALED! 1 MILE SOUTH WEST OF TRENTON!”

**BOOM!**

Another round of shots shake Louis’ plane.

Harry watches with both his hands covering his face. He can no longer feel the legs that hold him up.

“HARRY!” James yells and waves at him to move. The blades are already in motion but he didn’t hear it with all the distractions in the air. Harry runs off to the right side of the carrier.

Louis circles above him and turns back south leading the schmitt away from the carrier.

Another round of bullets go off just several meters away and Harry covers his ears from the sound. Louis’ plane is taking hits. Harry feels his sweat run cold. He turns back and sees that the Chopper is now flying away. He’s alone again and so is Louis.

Harry runs around the edge of the carrier. He doesn’t know what to do with himself. He feels absolutely useless just watching Louis from down here and having no way to contact him.

Louis ducks down in his cockpit. There are bits of shrapnel that fly towards him. His Spit is also starting to smoke up from behind.

He flies up and begins to spiral in attempt to lose the schmitt but another shot catches his wing tips. He’s goes back to steadying the plane and flies away from the sea to hover over the south lined cliff. 

**BOOM!**

Harry gasps for breath.

“FUCKING HELL!!!!” Louis shouts into the RT.

Louis looks down at his instruments and sees all the arrows start to die down. _Fuckkkkk.._.

“Hawkeye to Control Tower. My engine’s down!! Anyone free to help me??” He screams while trying to evade the enemy.

“Control Tower to Hawkeye, how bad is the damage?” 

Louis engages the control switches but all his meters are dying down.. _Fuckkk_ … The smoke grows behind him and he is struggling to breathe through it. 

He rounds his Spit over the Cliffside and turns back trying to see where the schmitt is hiding.

“Hawkeye to Control Tower. My hydraulic system is also compromised, over.” 

“Control Tower to Hawkeye. Is there any chance you think you can save it?” 

Louis peers over from his seat. _Where’d the bastard go?_

“Fuckkk!” Louis yells out to no one in particular. He smashes his hands on the dashboard. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckkk!!!”

There’s no schmitt in sight except for the two flying over the sea that and engaged with the remaining Spits.

He can either bail into waters or try to land his spitfire without brakes. He does not want to take a dive. Not right now. His energy is spent. It’s been a long day.

An image of Harry springs to mind. _I’ll be back, I promise!_ He takes a few deep breathes as he tries to collect himself. He can do this. He tells himself. He can do it. 

“Hawkeye to Control Tower. I’m bringing her in – evacuate the runways.” 

“Control Tower to Hawkeye. We are evacuating the runway. Permission to land.” 

_And this is it_ , Louis thinks. _The moment that his tail hook will decide his fate_.

He batts his eyes quickly in attempt to push the sweat and tears away. He flies out straight ahead and over the sea again. He turns his Spit steadily to the right to face north. He starts his descend to the carrier but struggles with leveling out his wings and steadying his nose.

He repositions his elevators and flaps to help him with the descend. Thank god for the manual bits.

 _Be careful up there!_ Those green eyes flash before him again.

“Hawkeye to Control Tower – coming in from the South at 100 knots.” 

“Control Tower to Hawkeye, we are waiting for you son.”

He is closing in the gap faster than he wishes. There’s no chance for him to slow down. Not when the smoke gets worse with each ticking second. He blinks at the tears forming in his eyes. The smoke and sweat burn but he tries to focus on maintaining a steady descend.

Those green eyes pierce his mind again. _Focus. Focus now._ He talks to himself to coax his nerves.

 _You can do this_. Focus. He removes a hand from the yoke and squeezes his dog tags. _This is it now._

He releases his landing gears and tail hook manually. They are his only saving grace now. He’s never had to land his plane without a hydraulic system. And it scares him to the core knowing all the things that can go wrong.

The smoke obscures his vision again but he can see that he is meters within reach. He blinks quickly trying to clear his sight. 

3.... 2..... He descends lower .. 1.... he uses all his manpower to grip the yoke and keep his wings balanced. He drops on the carrier with too much force and speed that his Spit jumps back into the air. He forces the nose down again and he can hear his tail hook make contact with the second arresting wire.

 _Please don’t snap_! he prays, _please don’t snap_!

When the yank finally comes he flies back in his seat from the force of it. He hits the head rest with so much force that he blacks out for a second.

It’s his roughest landing yet. But he’s done it! He’s made it back and managed to save the Spit.

He closes his eyes and exhales deeply into his seat. That was the most nerve-wrecking moment of his life. But it’s over now… _It’s over_ he tells himself.

The smoke from under his cockpit is shielding him from seeing his surroundings but within seconds of coming to rest his canopy is being slid open and he is helped outside by two crew members.

When he gets out he hears shouts coming in from every direction. It’s a chaotic scene that Louis can’t handle right now.

He walks away after thanking the crew and only makes it a few feet before he’s being pulled back by another force that crushes his body and leaves him breathless.

“LOUIS!” Harry’s voice careens over them in a tight embrace.

“Oh thank god Louis!!!” He says again moving away and checking Louis over to make sure he’s okay.

“Harry?” Louis voice comes out in a whisper. His strength is failing him now.

“I’m so glad you are okay!” Harry cries and wraps his arms around Louis again.

“I watched the whole thing happen. I didn’t think you’d make it back!” His tears spill over and flow down his face like a river escaping a dam.

Louis is caught off guard by the second embrace and his sentiments. It feels too much. There are too many thoughts and too many questions and answers needed but time stills around them at Harry’s words and touch.

Harry’s body trembles against him with involuntary sobs and Louis shuts his eyes and let’s himself be held.

He takes in a deep breath and fills his lungs with the cool air. The sensation takes over his body and he feels a new energy spring forth. It feels like he’s taking his first breath in life. There’s something about Harry holding him and comforting him with words that makes Louis feels reborn. Something in this moment brings Louis back to life. His purpose to live is reimagined and Harry has inspired it.

_There’s no denying it now._

Louis brings his arms up and wraps them around Harry aggressively. His nails dig into Harry’s jacket and he grips him into a suffocating closeness.

It feels like home. Even out here, amidst all this, it feels like home.

There’s something nostalgic about this moment too. As though he’s lived it before. He recalls the same smells that linger in the air, the salty taste of his tears that wash down his throat, the desperate way he and Harry cling to each other, the calls and shouts over their heads that are shut off with the only focus being on him and Harry.

He’s been here before. It’s his destiny. His fate. He knows what this means.

_And he holds Harry tighter squeezing the breath out of him._

When they finally pull apart, Louis finds that he’s crying too. Except he’s not crying about the events that transpired but about finding his new purpose in life. A purpose that could only mean one thing…

“You are drenched in sweat.” Harry says through his tears.

Louis stares at him silently. His eyes dance back and forth at Harry’s eyes. There’s a new glint of hope that shines in his blue piercing eyes and Harry can see it. 

“Harry…” He whispers. “I’m…” Louis shakes his head slightly at the words that don’t form.

“Are you okay?” Harry asks him with gentle concern.

“I’m fine.” Louis smiles to assure him. “The nerves got to me. I should get changed but I need to see my CO and Liam first.”

“Liam’s not back yet.” 

Louis shakes his head in question. What did Harry know?

“James picked him not long ago but he’s doing rounds to get the others.”

Louis smiles again. So Harry’s on a first name basis with the carrier staff now? Well…

“You’ve met James then?”

“Yeah.. he kept me company for a while.”

“Yeah, he’s a good lad that one. Alright.” Louis shifts his weight to his left foot preparing to set off. “I’ll go see the CO then. Where will you be?”

“I’ll wait here and check on the Chopper.”

“Good lad.” Louis smiles and brings a hand to cradle Harry’s cheek. It’s a physical response he’s never thought himself capable of.

“Thank you Harry. Really. For everything.” He tells him.

Harry feels himself grow weak under Louis’ touch. Louis’ eyes sparkle with a fondness that Harry hasn’t seen before and he feels himself blush under the weight of their stare. Their eyes connect in such a way that makes Harry feel vulnerable and exposed so he ducks away and looks to his feet.

“I haven’t done much.” He whispers back.

Louis lets his hand slip away from the touch. If only he can tell Harry all the reasons he has to thank him. If only…

“You’ve done more than you think.” He turns on his heels and leaves the words behind him lingering in the air.

* * *

Louis walks into the CO’s office and finds that he is in company with Air Commodore, Thomas Wallace and Vice Marshal, Hugh Lloyd.

It’s not uncommon for them board the Carrier but it’s a little surprising when they stay back and listen to Louis debrief with his CO.

They discuss the numbers of causalities which thankfully aren’t as high as this mornings but many Spits were lost to the air raid.

The CO’s grief still shows on his face and Louis feels disheartened. He feels terrible that he hasn’t busied himself with thoughts of this morning’s air raids.

He reflects on Jag’s last words to him “ _Good day Lieutenant”_ and the explosion that followed. He remembers calling out for Timber but being met with radio silence. He remembers feeling sick on the fly back to the carrier. How lonely it had been. How terrifying it was to think he may not even make it.

By rights the memories should haunt him, perhaps even drown him in despair but Louis’ newfound hope had cast all that away. It had been a miracle. With perfect timing.

When they finish debriefing, the CO turns his attention to the Air Commodore and Vice Marshal.

“They’d like a word with you.” He tells Louis.

His words wreak havoc on Louis’ already troubled mind. What could they possibly want to say to him? He hasn’t stirred any trouble of late.

They stand before him with their hands clasped behind their backs. Louis feels himself tense up, his back straightens out and his shoulders broaden.

“Sir. Sir.” He looks at each of them and nods in acknowledgment.

“Lieutenant Tomlinson.” The Air Marshall begins. “It’s our pleasure to meet you. We’ve long been informed of your impressive flying tactics.”

His compliments are well received but the look on his face is not one that gives reason for celebration.

They all stare at him with a sternness that makes Louis uncomfortable. It feels as though he’s being handed down a sentence rather than being praised for his efforts. He feels himself swallow thickly at the compliment. 

“Your skills and daring exploits are unexcelled. No one can deny this. For this, we extend our gratitude for your time in the service and are pleased to offer you a commission.”

“A commission?” Louis sounds bewildered. Of all things he’s imagined they’d say a commission was not one.

“It was highly recommended by your Commending Officer.” The Air Marshall answers him while looking over to his CO.

Louis peers that way too and sees his CO attempting to give him a sincere smile but its lost in his dreary features that still mourn the day’s losses. Louis knows… he knows that getting a commission only serves to remind his CO that he’s lost his greatest pilot and best friend, Jag.

Louis stays humble. He cannot celebrate his advances at a time like this.

The Chief steps in closer with a bar in hand. Louis nods at him in acknowledgment as he adds the bar to Louis’ insignia.

“Thank you Sirs.” Louis says once the Chief steps back. “I hope to serve you well until my term ends.”

“We would be honored to have you serve as our new Squadron Leader.” The Air Commodore answers him right way.

Louis feels a heavy weight crush him. It’s knowing the responsibility that the title entails that makes him feel heavy in his place. He isn’t sure he’s got the confidence nor the charisma to lead a squadron into battle.

He nods politely back at the Commodore. You can’t really tell them no when there’s no other skilled pilot left. _No offense to Liam._

“Thank you again Sirs.” Louis says looking around the room. “I’m very grateful for the commission. I’m sorry to excuse myself so hastily but I best be on my way and check on the other pilots.”

“Of course.” The Air Marshall tells him. “Rest up son. Your CO will speak with you further on the matter.”

“Looking forward to it.” He gives his CO a quick head nod and salutes them before taking off.

* * *

A commission? Squadron Leader? Him… He is to lead the formations and attacks now? How did he go from being the bottom of the barrel to the rising star? He wants to be happy about it… really does but something irks him and makes him feel uncomfortable. There’s a twinge of anxiety that burns his core. It’s a lot of responsibility. He knows that. But it also means that he will have to be a better man, better leader, better pilot.

Louis takes a deep breath and steps out into the hanger. She fells empty now… half the Spits are missing. He looks around and sees a few crew hand already patching up the Spits.

The two Spits he’s flown today sit side by side, he glances them over as he walks by and sees all the damages incurred. They’ve been so good to him. Seeing them bruised up and torn strangely pain him. The Spits served as a reminder of how narrowly he escaped death today.

He raises his eyes to the ceiling and whispers a quick ‘thank you.’ It’s for his mum and sister that watch over him and keep him protected.

Louis finally emerges from the Hanger and rounds the corner to the right. Harry is standing where he’s left him and he’s staring out into the evening sky. There’s something calm and gentle about him. He looks like he’s lost himself in a distant day-dream and Louis worries that he’ll startle him again.

Louis clears his throat from a few feet away to give him some leeway. Harry turns around slowly and uncrosses his arms from over his chest.

“Louis.” He says.

“Harry.” Louis gives him a little smile, he likes the way Harry says his name. “Any updates?”

“Yeah…” Harry nods his head. “They.. they came back.” His voice is slow and hesitant and it causes a stir of anxiety for Louis.

“And Liam?” Louis adds in.

“He’s gone to get changed.” Harry nods his head following his statement and Louis eyes him suspiciously.

“What’s going on?” He asks.

“Oh…” Harry looks at him as though he’s been plucked by surprise. “Nothing… I was just… thinking.” He shrugs.

Louis scans him over with curious eyes. Something in Harry’s energy has shifted and it brings him unease.

“Stripes.” Harry whispers to himself and lifts a finger to trace over Louis insignia.

“What did you say?” Louis tenses his brows.

“You got stripes.” Harry says meeting his eyes.

It’s all too familiar. _Stripes._ Harry saying Stripes… _Right… the dream… Harry had asked him to steal the man’s stripes._

Louis feels caught in a space vacuum again.

There’s nothing in the void but himself and Harry’s words that echo into a far distance. _What did the dream mean? Did it? No, it couldn’t have possibly have foreshadowed this moment. Or did it?_

“Yeah.” Louis whispers back as though he’s not sure of his answer.

“That’s… amazing Louis. I’m happy for you.”

Louis watches as a smile spreads on Harry’s face. It’s genuine. It’s beaming with pride and it comes paired with a hollowed dimple to mark its authenticity.

Louis’ eyes hover over the dimple and back to Harry’s eyes. He feels himself smile back.

“Thank you. I appreciate it.” He rolls his weight to the heels of his feet and feels himself get nervous at Harry’s compliment. He didn’t want to bring attention to his commission but Harry had noticed it anyway.

“You deserve it.” Harry says after lingering too long on the stare.

Louis shrugs and gives him a bashful smile. He probably does deserve it but he won’t admit it.

“I saw the way you flew today. It was impressive. I – I didn’t enjoy watching it but your flying was impressive.”

Louis watches his lips articulate the words. Harry’s mouth shines from where his tongue has licked over his dry lips. Louis’ eyes stray on his lips a little longer before he meets Harry’s gaze and gives him a subtle nod.

They’re becoming too comfortable with lingering stares and taking their time to answer each other. The silence between them is loud. It’s filled with many words unspoken. Many words that needn’t be shared because they can be felt.

“Thank you Harry. If it were under any other circumstance I’d be more cheerful about it but you can understand…” He takes a deep breath and gives Harry a weary look.

“I understand.” Harry says recoiling back into a somber stance.

“I should really get changed now.” Louis rolls his weight forward and steps up on his toes. “Ready to retire to bed?”

“Yes.” Harry says. “I’m ready.”

Louis points his head back towards the Hanger. “Let’s cross through here.”

He leads Harry back into the Hanger and watches as Harry eyes over his Spits. He looks at them with the same sympathy that Louis had.

“Harry.” Louis says. “What’s wrong? I get a feeling something is bothering you.”

Harry’s head snaps up. “Nothing. Honest.” He shakes his head for good measure. “I’m fine.”

“I don’t believe that but I’m not going to pressure you into it.” Louis says the words with ease. Perhaps he’s picked up on some of Liam’s conversational skills.

Louis can see that Harry smiles to himself but he doesn’t respond to him. He’ll take that as a good sign then.

* * *

Once they arrive to the sleeping quarters they find Liam already in bed. Louis nudges his shoulder and wakes him up.

“Tommo…” Liam’s groggy voice answers. “Sorry mate… was so exhausted I just sort of crashed.”

“Just like you did with your Spit?” Louis teases.

Liam sneers at him and kicks him with his foot.

“How are you doing Harry?” Liam sits up in bed and looks at him with a tired smile.

Louis leaves them behind and walks over to his shelves. He strips off his clothes and hangs them up to dry.

It’s about a minute later when the room falls silent and he assumes their idle chatter died down.

He turns back growing curious and finds Harry watching him by the bed. Harry casts his eyes away quickly and Louis feels elated at the catch. 

Perhaps his intuition is not wrong then…

Louis throws on a dry pair of slacks and a t-shirt and walks back to the bed.

“Harry can I get you anything more comfortable?”

Harry shakes his head. He’s face falls again and Louis can see that something clearly bothers him.

“I’ll just take off the jacket.”

Louis nods with a smile. “Sure, I’ll grab that from you.”

Harry is still making small talk with Liam when Louis returns.

“So Harry!” Louis cuts in. “You want to sleep with me on top?”

Harry’s face goes flush and he averts his eyes to rest on the top bunk. He examines it with a peculiar look as though it’s forbidden to him.

“Or if you like.. you can sleep with Liam? Or I can sleep with Liam and you can have the top bunk. Your call.”

“I’ll sleep with you.” Harry whispers softly.

“I don’t mind at all.” Liam chirps in.

“Thanks, I’ll sleep with Louis.” He says again and glances over to Louis who beams back at him with excitement that Harry doesn’t fail to notice.

“Great..” Louis drops his hands from his hips and moves in closer. “Go on up then!”

Harry climbs up the bed and faces the wall. The bunk is not wide enough for both to lay on their backs, so Louis slides in and shifts his body to lay in the same position as Harry.

“Night Payno.” Louis says.

“Night lads.”

“Good night.” Harry whispers.

Louis throws the blanket over and brings his hand down to rest on his thigh. He’s never lain in bed with a woman before never mind a man. It feels strange but also nice. It’s comforting and warm.

Harry’s hair is only inches away from his face and he can smell the musky and earthy scent radiating from his skin. So… this is Harry…

The same lad whom he argued with yesterday and was the reason for Louis’ restless sleep… the same boy who came to him in his dreams and gave him warnings and kisses for god only knows what… the same broken and miserable soul he had found curled up on the beach… the same sobbing mess that wrapped his arms around Louis and cried hysterically at his safe return… and here he is… all that just tucked away safely and soundly in his bed…

Harry’s hand reaches back under the covers and brings Louis’ to rest by his chest.

Louis feels his breath catch in his throat. His heart picks up a faster pace. Harry’s taken his hand and he’s holding it to his chest. It feels warm… It feels good… His hand feels like it’s entered paradise with promises of infinite love and happiness. 

Louis’ arm is now overstretched and he is forced to move in closer. His chest bumps up against Harry's back and his pelvis meets Harry’s derriere.

Louis tries to exhale into a relaxed state but instantly grimaces as heat boils down to his belly. All the dreadful thoughts of today are replaced with promises of tomorrow. His sorrow and pain and grief are replaced with happiness, passion and lust.

Harry has an effect on him that Louis has never felt before.

It’s unfamiliar yet too familiar. Perhaps this is what meeting destiny feels like.

It’s fated.

Louis can’t shrink away from the feelings and passion that grow within him. He feels himself growing curious, hungry and wanting. He feels himself growing in his pants and he grimaces again.

This… he cannot deny.

He is without a doubt lusting for Harry and it’s not the war. It hasn’t got to his head. This is Louis. In his most primal state. So he is not as cold hearted as he thought himself to be.

He breaks out of his thoughts when he feels Harry shift in place. His head lifts off the pillow and turns back slightly like he is about to say something but he decides against it and drops his head back down.

Louis holds his breath. He shuts his eyes forcibly and presses his lips together.

Harry presses up against him and his body goes still when he feels Louis’ hard member press against his backside.

Louis inches closer to Harry’s ear and whispers “sorry.” Perhaps that will make it all better. He doesn’t know.

Harry doesn’t respond nor turn back.

Louis holds his breath again and feels his body tense up.

It takes a few seconds before he feels Harry squeeze his hand and lift it up to press a soft kiss to it.

Louis feels himself wanting to gasp for air. _This isn’t real. This isn’t happening._

He feels Harry relax into their touch and squeeze Louis’ hand again. What does Louis say or do? He doesn’t know.

“Happy Valentine’s” Harry whispers to him.

Louis looks at the back of Harry’s head. _Valentines?_ … Harry doesn’t move from his place. _It’s Valentine’s Day. 14 of February_. Louis eyes dart around the body that lays before him. Why was Harry thinking of Valentines? How did it even occur to him out here in war? 

Louis feels his heart beating out of his chest. It’s Valentines and he’s lying in bed next to a man. 

He feels Harry stir and his head turns back. “That’s what I was thinking about earlier.” Harry whispers.

Louis doesn’t know what he means.

“When you asked me what was bothering me.”

“Oh… right.” Louis gives him a nod. “Why… is it bothering you?” Louis still doesn’t understand.

“It’s not.” Harry says. “Was just remembering it is all.”

Louis tries to follow his words. “Okay… right.” He is flustered by the way Harry looks at him.

“Well… happy Valentine’s Harry.” He whispers.

“Not really a happy one…” Harry’s voice breaks.

Louis bites at the inside of his cheek. It’s not. That’s for sure.

“But I’m trying to remember happy thoughts before bed.” Harry tells him.

“That’s… that’s good Harry. You should…” Louis squeezes his hand. “Think happy thoughts.” He gives him a small smile and Harry returns it with teary eyes.

“Happy thoughts.” Louis repeats and squeezes his hand again. “Come on lad, let’s get some sleep now.”

Harry nods and turns his head back. They press into each other and Louis holds him tighter.

* * *

Harry’s dreams are all twisted fragments of the days event.

> He finds himself swimming in murky waters. He feels weighed down by a force but he doesn’t know what pulls him. He looks around frantically trying to find something to hold onto. He sees Louis swimming towards him from a far distance.
> 
> “LOUIS!” He shouts. “I’M STUCK! HELP ME!”
> 
> He can see Louis trying to quicken pace and close in the distance.
> 
> “You’re not stuck.” A familiar voice sounds to his right and startles him. Harry looks over and finds Niall floating next to him. “You’re not stuck” He repeats. “You’re just scared.”
> 
> “NIALL!” Harry cries out. “Niall!! I thought we lost you!”
> 
> Niall chuckles.
> 
> “You’ll never lose me Harry.”
> 
> “Niall!” Harry flails his arms around trying to stay afloat. “Common let’s swim to shore!”
> 
> “I can’t Harry.” Niall gives him a sympathetic smile.
> 
> “We have to!” Harry shouts.
> 
> “Harry… you have to let me go.”
> 
> “No!!! I’m not letting you go this time!”
> 
> “HARRY!” Louis voices shouts from a distance.
> 
> Harry looks over to Louis briefly and turns back to Niall.
> 
> “You have to go with Louis.” Niall tells him. “Trust me Harry.”
> 
> “Come with us!!!” Harry shouts.
> 
> “I can’t.” Niall gives him another smile. “Look, Zayn’s just over there. Tell him I love him okay?”
> 
> “Zayn!?” Harry looks around and sees a boat in the distance. Zayn is laying back in a body cast and his boat floats away with purpose and stride.
> 
> “I have to go now.” Niall says. “You’re going to be okay Harry. Louis will take care of you.”
> 
> “Niall!!!!”
> 
> “I love you Harry.”
> 
> Niall takes a deep breath and submerges underwater.
> 
> “NIALLLLLL!!!!” Harry tries to go underwater but his body won’t let him. It’s neither floating nor sinking. It’s stranded between opposing forces that Harry can’t contend with.
> 
> “HARRY!” Louis voice sounds from nearby. He’s closing in now.
> 
> “LOUIS! HELP! NIALL’S JUST GONE UNDER!”
> 
> “Harry!” Louis grabs his hands and tries to comfort him. “Niall’s gone now. You have to listen to me! You need to swim away!”
> 
> “I CAN’T!!!” Harry shouts. “I CAN’T MOVE!!”
> 
> “Yes! Yes, you can Harry!!” You just need to believe it!”
> 
> “I can’t!!!” Harry feels streams of hot tears run down his face.
> 
> “HARRY!” Louis shouts at him. “PLEASE FOR ME!!! I NEED YOU TO BELIEVE IT!!! I NEED YOU TO SWIM AWAY!!!!”
> 
> Harry’s tears flow down like rapids.
> 
> “Please?” Louis begs him gently. “Please Harry. Won’t you do this one thing for me?”
> 
> “Come with me.” Harry says through his tears.
> 
> “My love.” Louis says. “I’m always with you. I’m going to come find you. I promise you. I will come when it’s all done but right now we need to go separate ways.”
> 
> Harry sobs louder at that.
> 
> “Everyone in my life keeps leaving me. I don’t want to be alone Louis! I don’t want to be alone!!”
> 
> “Darling. You are not alone. I’m always going be there with you. I promise. You trust me don’t you?”
> 
> Harry nods at him.
> 
> “Please go. Now Harry! You need to go!” Louis let’s his hands go and swims back watching him. “Go Harry!!!”
> 
> Louis looks up at the sky. He’s eyes are searching for something. Harry can see the intensity of his stare and it scares Harry. There’s something in those blue eyes that send shivers down his spine.
> 
> “GOOO!!!” Louis shouts again.
> 
> Harry starts to tread through the water but a current instantly catches him and begins to pull him away furiously.
> 
> “LOUISSSS!!” Harry shouts.
> 
> “IT’S OKAY HARRY!!!!” Louis shouts back.

Louis jolts up in bed at the mention of his name. The bed is shaking profusely.

“LOUISSSS!!!” Harry shouts in his sleep.

“Harry.” Louis shakes his shoulder. “Harry!”

Liam jumps up from the bottom bunk. “Is he okay?” He asks while wiping at the beads of sweat from his forehead.

“Harry!!” Louis nudges him harder and Harry pries his eyes open. He sits up in bed and gasps for air.

“Liam get me some water!” Louis shouts.

“Harry! You’re okay! I got you! I got you!” Louis wraps his arms around him and holds him. “You’re okay. You’re safe.” He rocks Harry back and forth in his arms soothing him.

Harry’s hyperventilation transitions into heartbreaking sobs so Louis continues to rock him and soothe his back.

“It’s alright Harry.” He whispers into his ear. “I’m with you now.”

Harry grips him tighter at the words.

“Here.” Liam says passing him the canteen of water.

Louis uncovers it and brings it to Harry’s mouth. One of Harry’s hand moves up to hold it and he takes a sip of water.

Louis passes it back to Liam and wipes at Harry’s tears.

“Harry.” He whispers. “It was just a bad dream. I’m still here. Liam is still here. Okay?”

Harry’s lips tremble but he nods anyway. Too many bad dreams of late but this one was different. This one pained him the most. Something about it felt too real.

Louis wraps his arms around Harry again.

“You want another sip of water?” He asks him.

Harry shakes his head.

“I’ll keep it right here by the bed.” Liam says. His face is etched with concern but Louis gives him a look that says he’s got it from here. “I’ll be here too. If either of you need anything.”

“Thanks Payno.” Louis tells him and turns back to hold Harry. They sit like that for a few minutes and Louis waits for Harry’s breath to steady and his tears to dry.

“Come lay down with me.” Louis whispers. He waits for Harry to lay down on his back before he joins him. He keeps a hand over Harry’s chest and Harry places his own hand over it.

“I’m sorry.” Louis whispers.

Harry shakes his head, what for?

“That you’re having bad dreams. I wish it were something I can take away.”

Louis looks at him helplessly.

“It’s just not fair.” He says again. “Not fair for you to have no escape.”

The words hit home. It’s true. Harry hadn’t had any proper escape since his time at war. Perhaps not even his time before war.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” Louis asks remembering Liam’s words of consolation.

Harry shakes his head and wipes at the remaining tears in his eyes.

“Just be here.” He whimpers.

“I’m here Harry. Trust that. I’m here with you now.”

Harry looks up at him. Louis is here. Those same blue eyes are staring down at him pleading.

“Thank you.” He whispers.

Louis wonders what Harry saw in his dreams. Why he had called out for him. He runs a hand over Harry’s head, moving back the strands of hair that fall onto his face.

“I’m going to watch over you now.” Louis reassures him. “I promise you. I will take care of you.”

 _The very same words that Niall had said._ It stings Harry and he feels hot tears stream down the sides of his face. Louis wipes at them before they trickle down over his jaw.

“Close your eyes Harry. I’ll be right here.”

Harry closes his eyes and Louis watches as his breathing becomes more shallow and the tension on his face slowly fades. He continues to play with the strands of hair that fall around Harry’s face and gets lost in the touching and observing.

Louis lets his fingers trail down over Harry’s forehead and jaw. His fingers ghost over the protruding cheek bones and he gently caresses Harry’s cheek. Harry looks distant and at peace and Louis can’t peel his eyes away from the boy’s face.

Except Harry’s not sleeping.

He’s thinking about his dream. Thinking about Zayn moving away to a safe place, Niall going under with confidence and himself… well he’d been struggling. He had no solid ground or plan. He was hopeless. He was begging people to stay because he was lonely. That was the truth. He told Louis that people kept leaving him. Another truth. And Louis had promised him he’d never leave him and would come find him.

It aches him to know what this is becoming. He’s been there before and he knows all too well the doom that awaits them. He knows the lashes, the beatings, the shouts and the scolds. He knows the feeling of damnation and being shamed for loving someone of the same sex. He’s no stranger to it.

His purpose for coming to war was to escape it. He planned to leave that sinful life behind and start new by proving himself a worthy and changed man. He was determined to go home saved, salvaged and redeemed to reclaim the things he’s lost.

He cannot drag Louis into this. He cannot bring him the same ruin. Harry cannot face it again.

Harry feels it when Louis’ finger ghosts over his lips and outlines the arches and the dip. He brings a hand up and stills Louis’ hand. He opens his eyes and they land right on him.

What does he say to ease the feeling of dejection? He can’t bring himself to hurt Louis. Not after everything he’s done for him.

“I want a cigarette.” He finally says with a whisper.

And Louis readily agrees. He jumps off the bed and grabs their jackets. They walk off onto the deck in complete silence. Louis feels uneasy again because this time it’s obvious that Harry keeps a safe distance and avoids looking at him.

Louis gets a sinking feeling in his stomach and he feels certain he knows what this is all about.

“Harry.” Louis says breaking him free of his thoughts. “What’s going on?”

Harry shakes his head to imply that nothing is wrong and doesn’t give in to the urge to look at Louis.

Harry's own mind is a mess. What possessed him to grab hold of Louis’ hand and kiss it? To stare at him while he was getting changed? To tell him Happy Valentines as though it was biggest event to be celebrated tonight? Why did he lead him on so carelessly?

“Look.” Louis says with sternness. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have touched you like that while you were resting… and also earlier. I couldn’t control it.” He swallows his words thickly. It feels strange to say it out loud.

Harry’s eyes lift from the floor and rest on him. “It’s not your fault.” He says. “I’m to blame.”

“No. You haven’t done anything.” Louis assures him.

Harry shakes his head to stop him from talking.

“Louis.” He says. “I need you to know something.”

Louis feels a twisting sensation at his core. It’s a sick feeling that can’t be avoided nor ignored. His intuition is warning him but he doesn’t know what for.

“I know you are feeling things. For me.” He looks at Louis sympathetically. “It’s not a good idea and I can’t give you what you want.”

Louis feels the words stab through his heart and an ache in the back of his throat.

“I lived that life before and it was miserable. It’s alienating. You know our society doesn’t accept that sort of thing. I can’t.” His words fall short at the urge to cry. “I can’t do it again. Please understand. It’s not about you. I just… I can’t fight that same fight anymore.”

Louis sees the shine in his eyes and how his lips tremble at the words. There’s some mystery behind his words.

“Same fight?” Louis asks.

“Yeah.” Harry wipes at the tear that falls from his eye.

“The lashes on your back?” Louis asks again.

Harry presses his lips together and nods his head yes. His tears are flowing down more rapidly and he abandons his cigarette altogether.

“I’m sorry.” Louis says. He wants nothing more than to take Harry back into his arms and soothe him but Harry’s body language seems to suggest otherwise because he takes a step back.

“Please don’t be mad.” He pleads. “I don’t want you to go through that hell. Not after all the hard work to get yourself where you are.” Harry sobs at the last words and Louis feel’s his world shatter. _What’s left of it anyway._

“Harry.” Louis feels his nose tingle. He may be on the verge of crying himself.

“Look… I came to war to avenge my family. I figured once I’ve got enough bombers and fighters down then I’ll let a skilled pilot take my life as well. I didn’t plan to go home after this war. I planned to die.”

Harry’s eyes shoot up to meet him but Louis is looking across the deck to the waters. He can't bring himself to say it looking into Harry’s eyes.

“I didn’t have any will or purpose to keep living. That’s what I want to say.” Louis takes another drag from his cigarette. “Not until you held me today.”

He flicks his cigarette and looks up meeting Harry’s gaze. “I know this is going to sound crazy and we've only just met but when you held me today I felt reborn. Like I was taking my first breath again.”

Harry’s lips continue to tremble at Louis words.

“It felt like I had purpose again. You gave me purpose. I know what I felt. I am sure of it. I don’t mind whatever hell awaits me out there. Have you seen the hell we put up with here?” Louis waves his arms around.

“If I can deal with this. I can deal with anything. I’m not scared of that. And I don’t care what I lose to have you. I just want you to give me a chance. Please. I’ve never felt this way for anyone else before. I just know it’s meant to be.”

Louis hates that he sounds desperate. He hates that he feels vulnerable and exposed but his words are the only truths he knows.

He has never felt this way about anyone before. Never wanted to love, protect and a hold a person so close before.

The very mere fact that he is having these thoughts about Harry after having endured such a catastrophic day upholds that his feelings for Harry preside over all the other feelings. He can’t describe what it is yet but it feels…

Grand.

Astronomical.

Beyond quantification.

I’m sorry.” Harry cries. “I just.” He bites on his lips and wraps his arms around his body. “I can’t do it.” He falls into another fit of cries and Louis gives up restraint and takes him in his hold. He wraps his arms around Harry and consoles him.

“It’s okay Harry.” He whispers while fighting back his own tears. “You don’t have to do it okay.” He rubs circles to his back and batts his own eyes to rid of any tears that may gave him away. “I’m not.. I’m not going to force you. It’s okay. Shhhh.”

Louis holds him for another two minutes before Harry finally stops choking on tears.

Harry makes Louis promise him that they will remain friends and Louis agrees. “I promise Harry. I will always be there for you. You can count me.”

Louis hides his hurt and tucks it out of sight. He needs to stay strong for Harry. That’s all he can do now and so he will.

“And promise me that you will still have purpose when you fly?”

“I promise Harry. I don’t have a death wish anymore.”

Harry looks miserable and Louis feels bad for it. Perhaps he initiated things too hastily. Perhaps his feelings and intuitions and rebirth had been deceiving.

Louis takes up another cigarette when they separate and Harry leans against the deck letting the cold chilly air wash over his wet face. They both stand like that for a couple of minutes without word or sound exchanged but for the waves that rock against the carrier.

“Who did that to you?” Louis asks him not looking at him. “The lashes?”

Harry looks down at his fingers wrapped around the rail. He’s never told a living soul.

“My step-father.” He says hesitantly.

Louis takes a drag while he reflects on the words.

“Just because of your… desires?” For lack of better terms.

“Yeah.” Harry whispers. “Well… he’s got a lot of problems but his problem with me was that.”

Louis nods his head still looking out into the horizon. A glance at his watch tells him that sunrise will be within the hour.

“What’s the deal with the boots?” He asks.

“Boots?” Harry turns to look at him. His face is still puffy and red and it breaks Louis’ heart.

“Why are you wearing pilot boots?” Louis clarifies.

“Oh…” Harry’s voice falls quiet.

Louis looks over to him when he doesn’t answer and finds him gazing out to the sea submerged in deep thoughts.

“You don’t have to tell me.”

He should probably cease with the uncomfortable questions. He doesn't know why he even asks when his brain feels like its shrinking inside his skull and no longer capable of holding new information. He no longer feels hurt nor tired. He just feels numb. He hasn’t slept nor eaten properly for days. He’s fought too many physical and emotional battles in the last 48 hours and it’s all starting to take a toll on him.

“They belonged to my step-father.” Harry finally says and Louis almost forgets what he asked.

“I... wore them to impress him.” Harry admits shyly. “I don’t know. It was stupid really. Terrible idea…”

“Impress him?”

“Wanted him to be proud that I was… you know… wearing his old gear to go off and do the same thing.”

“He was a pilot?”

“In the first war.” Harry sighs.

“I see.” Louis doesn’t need to ask any further. He thinks he’s got enough puzzle pieces to put together some sort of uniform picture. Perhaps when his mind is better at working.

“Louis…” Harry breaks away from his stare and looks over to him. “I should get back to the landing soon. I don’t want them to report me as dead or missing.”

Louis’ feels his heart ache at the words. He is feeling again but it’s not a desired feeling and he grows powerless and defeated.

“I understand Harry.” He says reluctantly. Because what else can he say? The boy has every right to worry about a post being mailed to his parents reporting him dead or missing.

“I’ll find a way to get you back.” He turns and holds Harry’s gaze for a hesitant second before looking away again.

It hurts too much.


	5. Of Dreams and Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following song inspired Harry's background. I recommend listening to it while reading the first bit of this chapter for the added feel. 
> 
> Yungblud & Halsey - I will follow you into the dark
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAYBCJGk07s

It was spring of 1928 when Anne met the retired pilot and five year old Harry met his end.

She had agreed to the date after much convincing by her friends. They worried about her growing old alone and Harry having no father figure to guide him, besides a pilot's pension would afford them a much more comfortable life.

Harry heard the very words slip from their gluttonous mouth while sat around their kitchen table. He dropped his pencil from it where it was beginning to seep through the paper and looked over his shoulder to his mum. Even at his young age he knew it was time to mourn her.

Two weeks later Harry sat in the back seat of a taxi and took one last look at the old apartment. It marked the end of their little happy family.

When they arrived to Richard’s house, Harry had a hard time falling asleep in his dark little room. It took weeks before he finally adjusted to the solitude and darkness that shrouded the place even during daylight.

Richard was nothing like Harry imagined a father to be. He was neither loving nor kind. He was only 34 years of age but his time at war had aged him greatly and his patience ran low. Harry was no longer allowed to roam around freely and play as he always did.

Harry got his first beating a week after they moved in.

He had accidently knocked over a framed picture and that was enough to set Richard off. Anne tried to fight back but Richard grabbed her arm and reminded her of her place. _This is my house, my rules. Don’t tell me how to raise my kid!_ And that was the last time she interfered.

It took all but a few months before Richard had brainwashed her into church going and pleasing the Lord in every aspect of life. They had both committed themselves and Anne found herself a comfortable place among the church wives and volunteers. She was in the big city and hoping to make some new friends after all.

When Harry turned 10 he became more aware of his surroundings. He didn’t fail to see that Richard often took to drink. He had become more abusive and unpredictable but Anne kept faith in the Lord and said that on Sundays he’d repent and all would be forgiven.

And when Harry turned 14 he fell in love with a choir boy. They practiced some evenings and when everyone left they’d stay behind and talk some more. He hadn’t known what it was at first but he confided in the boy and told him that perhaps he thought him more than a friend.

The Sunday after their talk Harry found himself boarded up in his room and getting a lashing of his lifetime. Richard was convinced he was possessed by a homosexual demon and that the Lord had tasked him with the exorcism.

He was put in Catholic School but that proved fruitless for he found himself before the headmaster within two weeks of commencement and was sent home packing for transgressing the Lord’s teachings.

 _We can’t keep him here_. They had said. _We will not give him the chance to corrupt our other devout students. If their parents hear of the gossip, it will be our heads they’ll have!_

So home is where he went and the belt is what he met. And that was the start of the unending cycle of abuse, scolding and scrutinizing. Richard was hell bent on exorcising him and Harry sought comfort only in his sleep.

Until he turned 16.

That was when he met another fella at his public school who was just like him. He lived 2 blocks away and Harry spent most afternoons there. The boy, Oliver, had the house mostly to himself with his parents working odd hours of the day. He and Oliver enjoyed a much normal relationship.

It was with Oliver that he had learned the art of kissing, dancing, and making love. It was also with Oliver that he had learned to appreciate the finer things in life like sharing books, songs, talks of the future and strolling through a park with eyes for no one but each other.

It was fall of 1939 when Harry last saw him.

Oliver’s mum had been laid off work at the start of war and sent home early. Harry and Oliver had already taken to the bedroom and were in the midst of making love when she walked in and ripped apart any hopes they had for a future together.

Richard had pulled Harry out of school indefinitely and imprisoned him in his room.

For three years Harry had known nothing of life but solitary confinement and abuse. His thirst for lust had slowly transitioned into a thirst for love and acceptance. He wished nothing more than to please Anne and Richard. He paced his room for far too long before finally coming to the one conclusion he hoped would grant his wish.

It was on Christmas eve of 1942 when he sat with them for prayer that he gathered his courage to speak. “I want to enlist” he had told them. 

His father shook his head with a scoff. His response was condescending but Harry didn’t relent. He continued to pester them about going off to war promising them he’ll return a changed man. He’d even linger in front of his father’s old medals and photographs to make a show of his growing interest.

When December faded into January, Harry had started giving up hope but a knock on the door came and an officer had inquired whether the household had any abled men to serve the country. Harry ran downstairs and presented himself. He saw his father frown and his mother looking displeased but he begged the officer to sign him up and he did.

Another month went by and the day had finally come. Harry gathered all his belongings and peered into his parent’s room. “Sir, if you’d allow me, I’d like to wear your boots into combat.”

His father was reluctant but Harry insisted. “I’ve brought you much disgrace Sir, I’d like to restore the family’s honor. I beg of you to have faith in me.”

And so Harry took his first step out the door donning his father’s old boots in the hopes that he’ll make him proud.

Except the journey to war began to dawn on him and Harry’s thoughts grew troubled. His morals were conflicted and he longer knew if he wished to uphold his promise. It hadn’t been the freedom that infiltrated his mind but a look that Zayn had given him the day they met.

There was something familiar in the glint of his eyes. Harry found himself growing restless and anxious under his gaze. It was as if the boy could read right through him. The act alone had opened Pandora’s box and Harry’s thoughts grew dark and in them he once again took refuge.

When he and Zayn were finally acquainted, he was no longer afraid of him… but afraid of his own thoughts that continued to consume him.

The same thoughts that soon found themselves the perfect subject. 

Louis.

Harry had seen the way Louis watched him the day they met. Contrary to what Louis believes, Harry’s eyes weren’t closed in the trench. He was squinting and watching Louis with equal curiosity. When Louis’ eyes fell back onto his face, Harry had forced them shut and felt himself grow uncomfortable.

He was determined to put distance between himself and Louis because he couldn’t jeopardize failing on his promise.

Louis was a test.

And his dream that night had proved it so because it went like this…

> _Harry finds himself standing in an open field of white daffodils. When he looks down he realizes that he is completely naked except for the dog tags that hang around his neck. For a second he wonders if he is dead and standing in heaven but a voice pulls him away and his eyes come to rest on a singular tree that stands alone in the field._
> 
> _Harry finds himself walking towards it and when he reaches Louis jumps down in front of him._
> 
> _“What are you doing here?” Harry asks curiously._
> 
> _“I can ask you the same question.” Louis answers._
> 
> _Harry feels himself grow uncomfortable at the thought of himself being naked._
> 
> _“Never mind.” Louis says. “I got something for you.”_
> 
> _Harry tenses his brows. “You have something for me?”_
> 
> _“Yeah…” Louis exposes the hand hiding behind his back and extends a handful of daffodils._
> 
> _“It’s my way of saying sorry about earlier and to wish you a happy Valentine’s Day.”_
> 
> _Harry feels himself blush at the gesture._
> 
> _“You’re giving me daffodils while we stand in a field of it?” Harry doesn’t mean to insult but it’s the truth._
> 
> _Louis chuckles at his response._
> 
> _“Sorry…” He says. “It’s all I could find.”_
> 
> _Harry can’t take the flowers from his hands because he’s still trying to cover his bits._
> 
> _“I would take it.” Harry tells him. “But… I sort of need to… you know…” He can feel the heat rush to his face._
> 
> _Louis doesn’t look down. He’s polite about it and chuckles to himself. “Of course Harry. I understand.”_
> 
> _He lays the flowers next to Harry’s feet and bends up removing his dog tags._
> 
> _“Here.” He says as he places his dog tags around Harry’s neck. “You’re going to need it today. Wrap your hands around it if you need any courage ok?”_
> 
> _Harry looks down at Louis’ dog tags that clank against his own. It feels cold and stings his skin where it touches._
> 
> _“Thank you.” He whispers back._
> 
> _He wants to ask why he’ll need courage but Louis is already walking away._
> 
> _“Where you are going?” Harry asks him._
> 
> _“I better get back to my plane. Trouble is brewing.” Louis stops and turns around in place. “I’ll come back for you soon.” He swipes his fringe aside._
> 
> _“You will?” Harry asks._
> 
> _“Yeah… why wouldn’t I?”_
> 
> _“Well… we argued earlier. Didn’t think you’d want to see me again.”_
> 
> _Louis looks baffled at his response but gives him a little smile anyway._
> 
> _“Harry… it was a misunderstanding. That’s all. I’ll come get you when I’m done. I promise.”_
> 
> _“Oh… okay.” Harry doesn’t quite understand why Louis is coming back to get him or where they plan to go but before he has the chance to ask him he sees Louis running to his plane and loud explosion sounds behind him._

The explosion is so loud and deafening that it jolts him from his sleep and he wakes up in so much fear that he soils himself.

* * *

** February 15, 1942 – HMS Trenton **

When the sun’s first streaks of orange reflect back onto the carrier Harry turns to look at Louis and watches as sun illuminates his face and casts shadow drops against his cheekbones and under eyes. The hollow silhouettes render him delicate and Harry wonders why he hadn’t noticed how fragile Louis looks until now.

There’s an emptiness to him and Louis resembles an empty vessel devoid of any purpose or will. Just as he said.

Harry’s eyes scan Louis once over and sees that the boy is much smaller than what he remembers. He looks frail in his uniform like he’s swimming in them rather than filling them out.

Louis is so taken to his thoughts that he doesn’t notice Harry watching him. His eyes are resting on the rising sun that paint him in gold and Harry thinks despite the emaciated look, Louis still looks beautiful. So beautiful that Harry has deemed him more captivating than the sun that now rests above the horizon in all its transcending radiance.

He may be an empty vessel but he’s a beautiful one at that.

And that’s why Harry must get away from him lest it become more than he can control.

“Louis?” Harry voices comes out muffled so he clears his throat to try again but Louis is already looking at him having caught the mention of his name.

“Sorry Harry.” He shakes his head fleeing his intrusive thoughts. “I sorta got lost in my head.”

“It’s okay.” Harry sighs deeply and casts his eyes downwards. “about that ride back to the landing.” He digs his hands into his pockets.

“Right. Yes – I will get on that right away.” Louis parallels his movement and finds his fingers curling up side his pockets too.

“Okay, I guess I’ll go say goodbye to Liam then.”

“I’ll walk you over.” Louis reciprocates the small smile that Harry presses but it no longer provides him with relief as it did only few short hours ago.

Louis leads Harry back to the sleeping quarters and excuses himself to sort out Harry’s departure. It’s unlikely that any relief boats will ride out to shore so he goes to the only the constant between the carrier and land.

James was having his morning tea when Louis found him in the dining hall. He asked James for the favor and he was reluctant at breaking policies but when Louis confirmed it was Harry James gave in. He had seen how panicked Harry was the night before and understood the need for Louis to shelter him onboard. James tells him to sneak Harry into the Chopper and Louis promises that they will be extra vigilant and stealth.

Louis grabs a tray of food and heads to the lower deck to pick up Harry’s laundered clothes. He feels his steps growing heavier as he treads back to the sleeping quarters. Once he goes inside the clock will start ticking down and his time with Harry will end. It pains him that his reason to live again will be swiftly taken away. 

Once Harry departs Louis will surely fall and much like in the dream, to the bottom of the pit. Except Harry won’t be there this time. He will be alone with nothing but his saddened heart and broken spirit that threaten to consume him once more.

This time only Liam can give provide him the words to carry on. Dan is far too removed from his world to be the one.

Louis takes a deep breath and pushes the door open with his foot.

 _This is it_. The clock starts ticking now.

“Tommo!” It’s Liam’s cheerful voice that welcomes him in.

“Hey Payno.” His voice is dull and drained of energy.

Louis places the tray of food on Liam’s bed.

“Harry. I got you some food. Better to fill up your belly before you head back.”

Harry drops his hand from where it’s rested against Louis’ top bunk and thanks him.

“I also brought your clothes back.” He hands over the sac not meeting Harry’s eyes and reaches into his jacket. “The stewardess found these in your jacket.” He hands over Niall’s dog tags, journal and a folded piece of paper.

He feels guilt pang him while handing over the contents but he figures he’ll justify that when his mind is sound. Sometimes, you just can’t ignore the demands and urges of curiosity.

“Oh…” Harry’s voice falls as he grabs the items from Louis’ hands. He’d completely forgotten about Niall’s journal. He’d also forgotten about that heartfelt letter he meant to send out to his mum.

Harry holds Niall’s journal like it’s a sacred artifact and traces a finger along its spine. For a moment he forgets that he is in company of others and gets lost in the careful way he inspects it. It embodies Niall’s spirit and that’s all Harry feels around him.

The energy is of bolstering love and comfort and it descends peace upon him.

“Thank you Louis.” Harry looks up and finds that Louis and Liam study him carefully waiting for some sort of explanation.

“It’s Niall’s journal.” Harry says. “He wanted me to bring it back to his folks.”

“I’m sure his parents would love that.” Liam says as he pats his shoulder.

Louis eyes twinkle when Harry looks over to him but he doesn’t say anything to add to the conversation so Harry takes a seat on the bed and starts eating. He’s absolutely famished and it shows. Louis hadn’t eaten for two days either but his appetite is diminished. Much like his spirit.

Harry offers them some food but they both politely decline as they delve into a conversation about Liam attending the morning briefing and reporting back to Louis.

“Tell Officer Teddy I’m a little under the weather.” Louis says. “I’ll make time to see him in his office later today.”

Liam nods his head and his eyes trail away to Harry.

“Harry.” He lays a hand on Harry’s shoulder again. “I may not see you when I get back but now you’ve got my address and I’ve got yours so write me whenever you’d like.”

“Yes.” Harry says through a mouthful of toast. He waits until he swallows to finish his sentence. “You should come visit when you get a chance.”

Liam gives him a polite smile because he isn’t sure whether that’s something he can manage but he won’t disappoint Harry with the truth.

“You and Louis should come together.” Harry repeats so that Louis isn’t left out.

“We will do our best.” Liam squeezes his hold on his shoulder. “Alright. Come here lad.” He wraps his arms around Harry and whispers “Thanks again for looking after Zayn” into his ear.

Harry nods in response and tells him good bye.

Louis glances down at his watch and his anxiety heightens. Only 15 minutes left before they execute their plan.

He lets Harry finish his breakfast as he busies himself folding his clothes. When Harry is done Louis excuses himself to stand outside while Harry changes back into his uniform.

“I’ll be just outside the door.” He tells him.

The tension fills the air as Louis hastily stalks away and Harry feels it weigh down his shoulders. He knows that Louis is pretending to be okay just to ease Harry’s mind but Harry can read through it. He can see that Louis is growing distant and reserved. _It’s his right_. Harry reminds himself. He is only doing what he can to protect himself from the heartache.

When Harry emerges, Louis leads him out onto the deck in complete silence. He walks with his hands planted inside his pockets and his strides are slow and calculative. It’s as though he isn’t sure he wants to lead Harry away but he’s got no choice on the matter.

When they close in around the Chopper, Harry casts a side glance and sees Louis’ adam’s apple bobbing up and down. Louis looks nervous and Harry feels terrible that he’s the cause for his pains.

“Louis.” He says. “Thank you for everything.”

Louis eyes land on Harry and they shine with a sad lustre.

“Don’t mention it.” Louis says with a shrug.

“I’m sorry about everything.”

Louis looks away and his lips twitch like he’s about to say something but he bites down instead. “You should get going.” He advises. “Before anyone sees you.”

Harry nods. He wants to say more but he knows he can’t offer any words to comfort him. Only time can heal the damage. Not words.

Harry walks to the Chopper and Louis stands in place watching him. When Harry gets settled in he waves over to Louis and Louis nods his head to acknowledge him.

_So this is the end._

Louis turns back and walks away.

* * *

Louis returns to the empty sleeping quarter. It feels dense with the tension still lingering in the air. He climbs up to his bed and it takes all but a minute before he abandons it. His pillow still smells like Harry and the bed feels empty without him.

Louis flops down onto Liam’s bed and tries to still his mind but there’s no trace of sleep about him and his mind is anything but still. Louis turns onto his side and thinks how Harry sat in this very place just minutes ago. His ghost still lingers here and it’s daunting. There’s no escaping him.

Louis’ hand slides under Liam’s pillow and his fingers brush against an unexpected fabric. Louis lifts his head up and slides a note out from Liam’s pillow.

He knows he shouldn’t read it. He had known the same fact earlier when he gazed at the letter in the stewardess’ hand but his curiosity egged him on.

Louis unfolds the letter and reads the barely legible words written in what Louis assumes was a rush.

> _Dearest Liam,_
> 
> _I’m writing you from Cape Helles, I’m with the British troops on land. I enlisted with C Company to be near you. Please don’t be mad. The country needed more men and I couldn’t be further from you any longer. Please find a way to get to me. I’m at the front and center line trenches._
> 
> _Burn after reading._
> 
> _Z_

Louis folds the note quickly and slides it under the pillow. He feels his heart beating a little quicker than his resting rate.

He lays back on Liam’s pillow and looks up at the underside of his mattress above.

 _‘To be near you’_ and _‘_ _couldn’t be further from you any longer_ _’_ Louis replays the words in his head. He feels his brows tense up at his inquisitive thoughts.

* * *

Harry’s ride on the Chopper had been a short one.

James was pleased to see him again and his presence made Harry feel at ease. They fill the 5 minute ride with idle chatter about the weather and James drops them a little further from his usual checkpoint so that Harry can make it out unseen. He and James exchange quick partings and Harry sets off to the landing.

When he arrives to Cape Helles he makes his way to the Officer’s Mess and knocks on the door twice before he’s given permission to enter.

Once inside he finds General Sir Ian Hamilton and two other uniformed men converged over a map that spills off the table.

Harry stands to attention and awaits permission to speak.

“At ease. Lieutenant?” Sir Ian takes a few steps closer and waits for Harry to speak his name.

“Second Lieutenant Styles, with the British C Company Sir.”

The older man furrows his brows and looks at Harry in awe. “C Company?” He questions.

“Yes sir.” Harry feels his nerves tugging him. He may be asked to explain himself and he hasn’t got any answer.

“Cripes son! There aren’t any Officers from C Company still standing!” The man wipes at his brows and turns to the others who look at Harry in equal interest.

“Have you ..” Harry hesitates to speak under their glances so he looks down at his boots and continues. “Have you sent any notice home?”

“No son.” The man answers as he leans against the table. “We’re still waiting on the list of names from Alexandria.” He takes out a pack of cigarettes and offers one but Harry politely declines.

“Lieutenant Styles.” The man says once he lights up. “Your company has been dismantled.”

“What does that mean?” Harry bites down on his lips. He’s not sure whether he’s asked a stupid question but no laughter fills the air so he assumes it was a fair one to ask.

“I’m not sure.” Sir Ian tells him. “I suppose it means you are without instructions. If you’d like, you can stay on the beach and make yourself useful. I’ll speak to my superiors and report back to you.”

“Right…” Harry feels relieved that he isn’t being sent back to the trenches. “Thank you Sir. I will stay near the Medic tent in case my help is needed there.”

Sir Ian gives him a nod of confirmation and agrees to his plan. He tells Harry that it may take a few days for the response to come and Harry promises not to stray far from the tent. He thanks Sir Ian for his time and salutes the Officers before walking back outside.

His time in Cape Helles is going to be different this time. He can just feel it.

* * *

“Tommo – you loathsome beast!! Congrats on the commission mate!!” Liam returns from the briefing and flops down on the bed by Louis’ feet.

“Thanks…” Louis scratches the back of his head. He had almost forgotten about that.

“Payno…” Louis sits up and scans the room to make sure it’s empty. “I need to talk to you.” He sits back down and faces Liam.

Liam’s wide grin fades and matches Louis’ nervous look.

“What’s going on?”

“Well…” Louis sighs deeply and bites down on his lip. He isn’t sure where to start.

“Is this about Harry?” Liam asks gently.

Louis nods his head with his lip still clutched between his teeth. “Also about you and Zayn.”

Liam looks at him with keen eyes curious to know what Louis has to say.

“I’ve connected the dots.” Louis admits.

“I should hope so.” Liam answers.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Louis pretends to look hurt but Liam tilts his head and gives him that sly smile he always gives.

“You know we aren’t supposed to talk about this stuff.”

“But we need to. I need to! because it’s all new to me and I need some guidance!”

Liam shifts on the bed and rests his back against the wall.

“Alright Tommo… Let’s talk.”

Louis follows his move and slides up next to him.

“Why didn’t you burn the letter?” Louis asks as he eyes the pillow to his left.

“Never got a chance to and when I did, I just couldn’t bring myself to part with the one thing that reminded me of him.”

Louis watches his face as he explains himself. He likes that Liam is so sure of himself.

“You shouldn’t be reading people’s letters.” Liam adds in with a cautioning brow.

Louis rolls his eyes. “I know.” He says defeated. “I shouldn’t have but I’m glad I did.”

“You read Harry’s letter too didn’t you?”

“Yes, how did you know?” Louis looks flustered at the accusation.

“It was obvious, you had that look about you.”

“Shit… you think he knew?”

“I don’t think so… he doesn’t know you like I do. I can just sense when you are up to no good.”

Louis chuckles lightly at Liam’s response.

“So do you want to tell me why you both returned so glum earlier?”

“It was that obvious was it?”

Liam gives him that sly smile again and Louis sighs deeply.

“Did you know?” Louis asks.

“About you? or Harry or both?”

“Both I guess.”

“I didn’t know about Harry until last night but yes, I did know that you were…” His voice trails off and he looks around the room “gay.”

“How? I didn’t even know until last night.”

Liam chuckles and shakes his head. “I know. It was fun watching you be in denial all this time.”

“Seriously Payno how did you know?”

“Well... People like us just tend to gravitate towards each other.”

Liam looks at Louis to see whether he’s figured it out but he looks confused.

“You never wondered why you gravitated to me back at OTU?”

Louis shrugs. “No… you were just sat alone all the time so I took a shot.”

Liam presses his lips together unconvinced. “I wasn’t the only who enjoyed solo company. There were a few other fellas but you watched me like a hawk so that’s probably why you didn’t see the others.”

“Okay.. so?”

“Well… Tommo you must’ve sensed something about me, that’s why you came to me. I let you come to me because I didn’t want to be the obvious one.”

“You’re saying that all this time even I knew I was… gay?”

Liam nods. “Most of us have an intuition. It’s subliminal thoughts that we choose to ignore until a chance meeting blows it up in our faces and forces us to see the truth. I mean, you let on more than you think.”

“How so?”

“You dropped a lot of hints and made some interesting jokes.”

“What are you talking about mate?”

Liam looks at him like he doesn’t really believe Louis is unsure.

“Mate… the time you were eating a banana in a conspicuous way and I had to ask you to stop?”

“That was just for laughs.” Louis pesters.

“Not when it’s just the two of us attached at the hip. It reads differently.”

“I hardly think that gave me away.” Louis argues.

“What about the time you told the lads in the shower not to drop their soaps?”

Louis laughs remembering the incident too well. “Oh common Payno, I was just trying to piss off those snobby pricks.”

Liam gives him a stern look. “Again… you weren’t all buddy-buddy with them so it reads differently.”

“What else you got?” Louis challenges.

“How about the time we were watching footy with James and you commented on some player’s arse?”

Louis looks baffled and raises his chest in protest. “I did no such thing!!!”

“Tommo, what you said verbatim: _‘the lad’s got a nice backside_.’ Tell me that doesn’t translate to what I just said.” Liam shoots him a side glance, “You got lucky that it was James sat with us and he didn’t even pay you any mind.”

Louis shrinks in place trying to recall the memory but it’s hazy because he’d been drinking then. He didn’t think he’d given attraction or sexuality much thought in the past but if Liam says he did then perhaps there’s truth in it.

“Also, you did call Harry a hotshot the first you met.” Liam smirks and distracts Louis from his thoughts.

Louis smiles at the mention of Harry’s name. It was true he did say that.

“Right I did…” Louis smirks back.

Perhaps he can deconstruct his past Freudian slips another time, right now, he needs Liam to mend his broken heart and help him move forward.

“I didn’t think myself capable of feeling strongly about another person.” Louis admits. “Not until I met Harry. He stirred things inside me and it felt like I was seeing in color for the first time. It was just… wonderful.”

Liam chuckles. “Yes… I know. It can have that affect. So why the sad smile Tommo?”

“Because Harry doesn’t want to give it a chance.”

“And why not?”

“Well… from what he’s told me, his parents found out about him and he was severally punished for it. Doesn’t want to tread that road again and I understand.”

“Do you?”

“Well… no I guess I don’t understand the magnitude of it because I haven’t dealt with it myself but the letter… he wrote it to his mum and it was just painful to read. I realize he is trying to make an effort to win back their love but it’s just… I don’t know it’s heartbreaking that he has to repress himself just to get that.”

“That’s what we all struggle with.” Liam gives him a sympathetic smile.

“You as well?”

“Well, it’s a little different for us. Our folks don’t know but we still have to keep it secret. You know.” Liam shakes his head. “Coming from a military family doesn’t mix well with who I am. So yeah…” He looks over to Louis and sighs. “We just have to play pretend to keep our families pleased. It’s just the price to pay.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Louis sighs as well.

“Is it weird that I already miss him?”

“Not weird at all.” Liam rests his eyes on the opposite wall. His gaze grows distant as he reflects on Louis’ words. “I know just the feeling.”

He turns back and looks at Louis. “I don’t think you should give up on him yet.”

Louis looks at him like he wants to believe his words but when he remembers the contents of Harry’s letter he drops his shoulders and removes the wishful thinking from his mind.

“I can’t do that Payno. I shouldn’t get in the way of his promise to his family. That wouldn’t be right.”

“Maybe he just needs time to figure it out.”

Louis searches Liam’s face for more guidance. Louis doesn’t know how time will change Harry’s mind but when the words slip out of Liam’s mouth they sound promising.

“You have real knack for comforting people.” Louis says. “I envy that.”

Liam chuckles. “Honestly… it’s from tending to Zayn for all these years. Can’t tell you how much I’ve learned.”

He looks over to Louis and they both chuckle.

“Tommo you should really get some sleep mate. I don’t mean any offense but you look terrible.”

Louis nudges him in the ribs. He hasn’t looked into a mirror for some time so he hasn’t the slightest idea how terrible he must look.

“Alright. I guess I can give sleep another shot.”

Liam gives him a smile and pats him on the back as Louis gets off his bed. 

* * *

Harry finds a comfortable place under the shade and settles down. There’s nothing for him to do and he hasn’t got anything on him except the 3 items that Louis handed back this morning.

He takes out the letter he wrote to his mum and reads it to himself. Perhaps today will be the day he will finally post it.

> _Dearest Mother,_
> 
> _I’m now in Gallipoli and still in good health. I’ve been fighting in the trenches since we’ve arrived. You and dad would be so proud if you had seen the way I was fighting._
> 
> _I’ve been so occupied with serving our country and the Lord. I take to prayers every chance I get and have never felt closer to God. I thank you and dad for guiding me to truth. I feel myself getting closer to salvation and it brings me great reprieve._
> 
> _I want you to know that I’m keeping my word. I promise you both that you have nothing to fear. When I return you will see that I have become the young man you wished me to be. I cannot wait for that day. To hold you and dad again and get on with a happy life that we all so deserve._
> 
> _Please write back, I need to know that you have faith in me._
> 
> _I love you._
> 
> _Your one and only,_
> 
> _Harry Styles_

Harry folds the letter and stashes it back in his jacket. He remembers why he never posted it in the first place. It had been nothing but lies.

He had tried to convince himself that they wouldn’t know any better but after his argument with Louis his moral compass couldn’t steady and neither did his decision to post the letter.

Even now it still feels wrong. Perhaps within time he’ll grow past his thoughts of Louis and post the letter in good faith.

Harry takes out Niall’s journal and examines it again. His fingers trace over the little dents and scratches in the leather casing and Harry wonders where Niall had purchased it. Had it been a journal he kept before the war? or one he’s started after?

He unties the string binding and opens the journal to the first page. He only intends to read the date and satisfy his question except he sees his name in the entry and he finds himself reading the entire page.

> _February 4, 1942:_
> 
> _It’s been two days since we’ve left the port of Plymouth. The lads on the ship are mostly British, a few Irish, handful of Scotts, and a bunch o rowdy French Canadians. The latter seem to be having the time of their lives. So far I’ve made acquaintance with two Brits, Zayn Malik, city boy from West London and a Harry Styles from East London. They appear to be good lads. Zayn is quiet and a bit conservative and Harry is good natured with kind eyes and a nice smile. They haven’t yet divulged on what brought ‘em here but I sense they’re both anxious. Whatever it may be, I have been trying me best to cheer ‘em up and give ‘em a reason to smile. Here’s to hoping!_

Harry’s fingers carefully trace over the written words.

Niall had been too kind in his description because Harry doesn’t remember making a good impression. He had been cold and withdrawn. Niall had tried to warm up to him on many occasions but Harry constantly pushed him away until he could no longer escape him. It hurts him to know that because of his self-inflicted misery he missed out on spending more time with Niall.

He flips a through a few more pages and reads another entry.

> _February 12, 1942:_
> 
> _We’ve been at the trenches two days now. It’s a little cold and muddy but nothing I can’t handle. Got me hands and feet dirty all the time werking at the farm – so this is a piece of cake! Speaking of cake, there’s nothing I want more than a good ol’ slice o tea cake right now._
> 
> _We’ve seen some heavy fire but nothing of harm has come to me or me mates. Strangely, found meself in the company of poofs. What are odds eh? They don’t think I know and I suppose they don’t know about each other yet but I reckon I have a good eye for these things. They’re good lads. Brothers at that! I’d take a bullet for ‘em any day. Let it be said that a man should be judged by his character and not by his choice of love. Love makes us all blind and foolish anyway. So what does it matter who we love?_

Harry quickly closes the journal and looks around panicked.

There’s no one near him and its unlikely anyone can see the words from the distance.

 _How did Niall figured him out?_ Harry rests his head against the rock and closes his eyes. _How? what gave it away? But wait… Zayn?_ Harry had suspected Zayn too… but he wasn’t certain. Even spending time with Liam gave little away and Harry didn’t dare breach the subject for the sake of confirmation.

He pries his eyes open and rereads the same entry. His gaze rests on the last paragraph and Harry finds himself growing more emotional this time. He can feel the tears well up in his eyes as he reads the word ‘ _Brothers’_ over and over again _._ Niall’s words ring true. He’s never had such close friendships before and he imagines that if he had a brother of his own, it would feel much like this.

He rereads the sentences _‘Let it be said that a man should be judged by his character and not by his choice of love_ ’ and _‘So what does it matter who we love?’._

Harry wipes at the tears that spill out. More words that ring true. The way Niall simply puts it makes absolute sense. If everyone felt the same than life would be merry and Harry wouldn’t be fighting with himself.

He closes his eyes again and lets the tears trail down his cheeks. He wipes them with the back of his sleeves and holds the journal close to his heart hugging it for dear life.

For the first time in a long time he feels completely alone and in a strange twisted way, he wants nothing more than to run back up to the trenches. At least there he’s got memories of his brothers to keep him company. 

* * *

** February 18, 1942 – HMS Trenton **

_**Three days go by.** _

Louis leads his squadron in routine sweeps but there are no jerries in sight. He gets back to optimal health and naps more throughout the day.

On the third day Liam gets a letter from Zayn and Louis joins him on the bottom bunk to read it.

> _Dearest Liam,_
> 
> _I got your letter. Please don’t be concerned. I’m mending well thanks to the doctors and nurses. I am to be transferred home tomorrow and it would be wise to send your response there._
> 
> _I hope you are well. I miss you terribly and hope this will all end soon. Please stay safe and look after yourself._
> 
> _Burn after reading._
> 
> _I love you too._
> 
> _Z_

Louis feels happy for Liam. He can’t stop staring at Liam’s wide grin and he dotes on the way Liam places the paper over his heart and holds it there.

“Really happy for you mate.” Louis tells him.

“Thanks Tommo. I’m just glad he’s going back home. He should have never come in the first place.”

“Well…” Louis looks hurt. “If he hadn’t come I would’ve never met Harry.”

Liam gives him a small endearing smile. “That is in fact true.”

He lets his eyes linger on Louis a little longer before he asks him how is feeling.

“Well... naturally, I still feel sad but I’ve been having some interesting dreams and they sort of give me peace in a strange way.”

Liam nods understandingly. “Our unconscious minds have a way of drumming up fantasies.”

“It feels real.” Louis’ response is bitter. He doesn’t want to believe it’s all imaginary though he knows all too well it is.

“Okay..” Liam raises his hands in protest. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to offend you.”

“I’m going to nap again.” Louis snaps.

It his second nap of the day but Louis has come to love the escape. Loves that his dreams now take him to the same place where Harry is always waiting for him.

“Yeah, I think I’ll do that too.” Liam responds.

Louis gets up and jumps overtop.

* * *

Back at Helles, Harry reports to the Officer’s Mess to see if they have any updates. Sir Ian Hamilton informs him that they were busy dealing with matters up in Sulva Bay and haven’t sent word yet.

He slips Harry two envelopes on his way out and tells him he’s been collecting mail addressed to C company. Harry thanks them and steps outside studying the posts carefully. They don’t have return addresses so he rips into the first one and finds a note from Zayn. 

> _Dear Harry,_
> 
> _I hope my letter finds you in good health._
> 
> _I want to thank you for all you’ve done. Thanks to you I’m healing real well and flying home tomorrow._
> 
> _I’m sorry that you are alone now. I know how it feels but I can’t imagine what it’s like in Cape Helles. I hope that the war ends soon and that you come home as well. When you do, I would very much like to see you. Below is my address. You can write me there and tell me how you are doing._
> 
> _13 Underhill Road,_
> 
> _West London, SW18 4RP_
> 
> _Your brother in arms,_
> 
> _Zayn_

Harry smiles at the note. He folds the letter and tucks it into his jacket. It feels real nice to hear from Zayn and it makes him forget his loneliness.

He tears open the second one and his smile grows wider when he reads Louis and Liam’s names at the bottom.

> _Dear Harry,_
> 
> _We hope you are doing well at Helles. We haven’t heard from you so we decided to write you. We’ve been catching up on sleep since the air raids have died out. We haven’t seen any action since you were last here. We’ve been peering out the deck and see that the crossfires at Helles have lessened there so we hope that you are in better spirits and good health._
> 
> _Your friends,_
> 
> _Louis and Liam_

Harry pockets their letter as well and bites down on his lips that threaten to spill out into a massive grin.

It’s nice to have their notes on his person. It feels like a security blanket fashioned out of love and friendship and it provides him with an armor of protection. Friendship may yet stand the test of time. Perhaps the love derived from friendship can fill in the voids and perhaps that is enough for his survival.

The thought is there but it is also a fleeting one.

Harry walks back to his designated spot and takes a seat under the sun. It has been healing him lately and he enjoys the warm companionship. 

He reaches back into his jacket to retrieve Zayn’s letter but a figure stops before him and casts a shadow over him.

“Lieutenant Styles?” The familiar voice asks.

Harry looks up and finds George looking down at him. He hasn’t seen him since they’ve disembarked the HMS Belfast.

“Lieutenant Shelley.” Harry is surprised he remembers his name. “What … what are you doing here?” He asks.

“I’ve just come back from Morto Bay.” He throws his bag off his shoulder and asks Harry for permission to sit.

“Yeah.. Yeah of course.”

“Thanks mate. I’m actually really glad I’m running into you.” George dusts off his hands and looks over to Harry.

Harry looks at him with some hesitance. George had been much different on the ship so Harry feels the need to be cautious.

“Thanks.” Harry finally says. “I’m glad to see you too.” It’s not the honest truth but it’s good manners.

“What happened to your friends?”

Harry looks around feeling uncomfortable. _This conversation again._

“Zayn was hurt and sent to Alexandria. Niall didn’t make it.” It’s all the details he can spare.

George looks upset at the news and it surprises Harry that he shows remorse.

“May god have mercy on his soul.”

“Amen.” Harry furrows his brows. Perhaps George was one of them religious folks. The kind he was meant to be.

“Listen Harry.” George starts and looks around uneasy. “I .. I want to apologize for my behavior. I acted poorly and I feel bad about it.”

Harry raises his brows.

“I was just nervous about being in close proximity to you and Zayn and well… I was fighting my own demons at the time, couldn’t understand what was happening and really just wanted nothing to do with you because you were a constant reminder.”

Harry’s tenses his brows.

“What do you mean me and Zayn?” Harry inquires.

George gets restless under his gaze and looks down at the empty space between them.

“You know what I mean.” He whispers.

Harry feels himself crumble. It’s another conversation he hoped to never have again.

George sits up straighter and takes a deep breathe. “I was in denial about myself. Saw that you and Zayn were comfortable with yourselves while I was struggling, I suppose I envied that? I was a bit of a coward.”

Harry gives him an uneasy look. He isn’t sure how George drew such conclusions but he doesn’t want to ask and encourage the conversation. Before he has a chance to talk George cuts him off.

“Harry… ever since we got here I’ve spending time alone in the hills. All I’ve done is shoot unsuspecting soldiers and watch them take their last breath while the men around them drop down in fear. If that doesn’t kill your spirit. I don’t know what does.”

Harry glances over at him. He feels a little sympathy for George. He hadn’t known George was a designated sniper.

“The world around me is black and white.” George sighs and grabs a fistful of sand. “and it’s been that way for a long time.”

Harry can relate.

“While I was up there I realized that unlike the soldiers whose lives I’ve claimed, I still have a choice. I’m able to turn my life around.”

Harry starts to nod along.

“I want to live. Like actually, properly live the way I want to.”

Harry gives him a strong convicting nod like he’s also agreeing to the statement.

“and I still have the chance to make that happen because I’ve got the one thing I need. You know what that is?”

“What?” Harry asks.

“Life.” George answers.

“Harry… life is fleeting. I’ve seen more death than life since we’ve arrived and I’ve learned just how precious it is. I’ve decided that if I’m going to live, then I’m going to do it fearlessly. I’m going to be brave and face the truth that I’ve been cowering from. I’m going to love earnestly and I’m going to do that so I can see color again. So that life can grow and flourish like its meant to do and just be beautiful again.”

George shakes his head and chuckles to himself. “You know… it’s you and Zayn I have to thank. Being around you forced me to think about it and the more I thought about it the more I wanted to accept it. So I do. I have. I accept myself as I am and I’m proud of myself and I don’t need anyone’s approval or acceptance. I’ve been on my own during the hardest week of my life, I sure as hell can survive alone the rest of my life. I just want to do it being honest with myself.”

Harry feels his heart quicken pace. There’s so much he wants to say and correct but he can’t bring himself to admit the truth. He bites down on his lips and sighs. Perhaps another lie, just for George’s sake?

“I’m sorry.” George says in defeat. “I’m sorry I’m blabbing it’s just I’ve had all this pent up inside me and I haven’t had anyone to share it with.” He opens his hand and lets the sand slowly slip between his fingers.

“It’s alright.” Harry says. “I understand.” He gives George a little smile. “Thanks for sharing. I know how hard it is to talk about it.”

Harry presses his lips together. For a second he wonders if he should tell George the truth but George cuts him off again.

“Thanks for listening. I really wish I could have been more welcoming on the ship. I honestly regret not taking the chance to become more acquainted with your group. You seemed like a good bunch.”

He pats Harry on the back and Harry leans into the touch. It feels good to have some physical contact again.

“They were.” Harry agrees. “They were really great guys.”

“You’re pretty great yourself.” George gives him a smile and Harry feels himself blush. He’s never taken to compliments easily.

“Thanks” He responds.

“My journey here is done.” George says looking around the beach. “I’ve asked to be discharged.”

Harry meets his gaze when George’s eyes fall back on him. George is the first person he knows whose taken a voluntary discharge.

“So that means, I’ve got to keep walking to Burnu, they’re sending in a plane to fly us out soon.”

He stands up and dusts off his backside.

“George.” Harry whispers. He doesn’t have anything else to say so he looks at him silently.

George gives him a smile and retrieves his bag from the ground.

“Don’t worry Harry. I wasn’t after the title nor honor. I was just in search of truth and that’s what I’m off to do now.” He gives him a smile and Harry stares back growing emotional.

George puts out a hand and Harry shakes it.

“Take care of yourself and thanks again mate.”

“You take care as well.” Harry forces himself to say.

He watches as George throws his bag over his shoulder and treads through the sand heading west to the Tekke Burnu landing.

Harry feels the sun beat down on him but this time the heat seeps through his uniform and stings his skin. He feels hot and uncomfortable. His mind begins to reflect on the conversation and he feels himself sulk again. 

_I’ve decided that if I’m going to live, then I’m going to do it fearlessly. I’m going to be brave and face the truth that I’ve been cowering from. I’m going to love earnestly._

_I accept myself as I am and I’m proud of myself and I don’t need anyone’s approval or acceptance._

Everything that George had said rings true.

Harry feels terrible that he let George get away believing that he was already there. That he had already accepted himself and was living an honest life. He feels guilty and then Niall’s words start to echo in his mind again.

_So what does it matter who we love?_

Everything that has been said to him is forcing his compass to point north. Everything he had written to his mum and promised his father is challenging the magnetic field to point the compass south. It feels like a game of tug-o-war and the contending forces pull him in opposite directions. Just like the dream, he is neither floating nor sinking, just struggle in between and it suddenly feels like a fight again. The same fight he told Louis he will no longer withstand.

Harry breaks down at the pressure and sobs into his folded arms. The truth stares him in the face again and he can no longer run from it.

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

Harry feels an energy encompass him. It’s warm and inviting and it makes him feel loved. He lifts his head and peers around but there’s no source for its radiance. 

“Read the last entry.”

Harry startles at the voice. It comes from seemingly nowhere and he is certain it’s Niall’s voice calling out to him.

“Niall?” He whispers and looks around frantically.

“Read the last entry.” He says again with a maniacal laugh.

Harry looks up to the sky with a questioning look. _This is it_. He thinks. _I’ve gone mad._

He pulls out Niall’s journal and looks up at the sky with a questioning brow. There’s no voice this time so Harry looks back down and tries to find the last entry.

> _February 14, 1942_
> 
> _Dearest Zayn and Harry,_
> 
> _If you are reading this it means I’ve departed and you’ve survived. Well congratulations you wankers! In all me life, haven’t encounters lads like you. It has been an absolute pleasure. A crazy ride but we’ve some good memories. Remember them!_
> 
> _I wish you didn’t come to war. It was no place for the likes of you but I came to understand the reasons for it. I’m sorry that you had to endure such extremes to get what you wanted. It’s not fair to either of you. I just hope that you can both get past the effects of war. It never done no good to linger on it._
> 
> _Harry, I know you haven’t shot a single man. You haven’t got a single bad bone in ya and I really hope you get to go home and confront your demons, you’re a lot stronger than you let on!_
> 
> _Zayn, you’ve got such a sweet and tender loving soul. I hope you get shagged by Liam so hard that you have a reason to stop chain smoking even if for a minute. Good choice by the way. Fit bloke and all…_
> 
> _Go on you sods, live it up for me and for our brotherhood! You owe me anyway for keeping all your secrets a secret!_
> 
> _P.s. If the lights go off or your doors creak at night, it’s me ghost and I’ve come to haunt you. I’ll probably need a break from all the gorgeous babes in heaven._
> 
> _P.p.s. Definitely rip this page out and the one about you being poofs before sending it to me folks. Only for your sake o’ course._
> 
> _P.p.p.s I knew you sods would look through me diary – how dare you!_
> 
> _I’m only pulling yer leg. I’ve meant for you to read it._
> 
> _With love,_
> 
> _Your brother in arms, Niall._

Harry reads the date again and again and again.

_He knew… the bastard knew… he knew he was going to die!_

Harry looks up to the sky and whispers Niall’s name before curling up into a ball and sobbing back into his arms. His tears run hot and they flow down without restraint and he loses himself in the anguish and sinks into despair.

* * *

Back on the carrier Louis finally falls asleep.

> _He’s back in the field of daffodils but something feels amiss._
> 
> _He jumps out of the tree but Harry is not there to meet him._
> 
> _Louis scratches his head and looks around. The field is empty except for his Spitfire and the tree._
> 
> _“Harry!!!” Louis shouts._
> 
> _He looks around again but nothing appears._
> 
> _“HARRY!!?” He shouts again and feels himself forced away._

He opens his eyes and finds Liam standing over him.

“Mate.” Liam says. “You okay?”

Louis sits up and looks around the room confused.

“How long have I been napping?” He asks with squinty eyes.

“It’s been about 15 minutes since you got up to bed.” Liam says.

Louis runs a hand through his messy hair and sighs.

“Going to try again.” He says and falls back onto his pillow.

* * *

_You’re a lot stronger than you let on!_

_You’re a lot stronger than you let on!_

_You’re a lot stronger than you let on!_

The words just repeat themselves inside his head and he can’t stop it. He unfolds his arms and looks down at his body. The heat is too much. His uniform is damp from the tears and sweat and he feels the need to strip them off.

He walks over to the shoreline and begins to remove his jacket, then his shirt, and then his boots, socks, pants and briefs. He piles them on top of each other and takes slow and steady steps into the sea until he is neck deep. He takes a deep breath in – holds it – and dips below the surface.

The water is cold and it bites his skin but it feels good. He feels the sweat and tears wash off his body and he feels clean. Below the surface he hears nothing but the sounds of bubbles and distant waves. It stills his world and stills his mind.

He feels unborn. Still not of the world and completely detached and unaware of what lies outside.

He feels his breath run out so kicks at the water and surfaces with a hard gasp for air. He pries his eyes open and the salt burns his vision and he lets it. He lets the burning pain persist so that he can focus on it.

The sun feels different now. It rests above him and smothers him with a warm embrace. It’s a welcomed feeling.

Harry lays back in the water and lets the waves carry him out. He closes his eyes and listens to the sounds that fill the air around him. Seagulls mewing, people talking, motor boats propelling, water splashing, waves crashing and his heart beating.

He is still alive.

Just like George.

That means he too has a choice to make in life.

Harry lays in the water for a few more minutes before swimming back to shore.

The sun beckoned to his call and gave him the energy he needed. He puts his clothes back on and leaves the boots behind.

He walks over to the tent and slips inside to search for Nurse Calhoun.

“Nurse Calhoun.”

“Lieutenant Styles.” She turns around and smiles. “I told you we don’t need any help today.” She says playfully.

“Actually.” Harry starts “I wanted to ask if have extra boots in storage.”

“Oh..” She drops the clipboard from her hands and places it on the table. “We have a pile of them but you’re going to have to sort through the mess to find matching pairs.”

“That’s fine.” He says.

She glances him over and gives him a wary look. Something about his energy feels different and he means business.

“Alright then, follow me.”

* * *

> _Louis is back in the tree._
> 
> _His shirt catches on a branch and he struggles to wring free. Once he manages to untie himself he jumps down and lands with a hard thud._
> 
> _He looks up and surely Harry is walking over._
> 
> _Louis sighs in relief. “Harry.. thank god!” He says._
> 
> _Harry closes in and smiles. “Missed me already?”_
> 
> _“You know I did.” Louis tilts his head and beams back at him._
> 
> _“I came here a few minutes ago but you weren’t here.” He tacks on._
> 
> _Harry gives him a sorry look and shrugs his shoulders. “I’m sorry. I had to take care of something.” He lowers his gaze to his feet._
> 
> _Louis looks down and sees that Harry is barefoot._
> 
> _“What happened to your boots?” Louis asks._
> 
> _“They were never my boots.” Harry says. “I’m done trying to fill them in.”_
> 
> _Louis smiles. The news brings joy to his ears though he doesn’t know what it implies._
> 
> _“I’m glad to hear that Harry.”_
> 
> _Harry smiles and clasps his hands behind his back. He’s got a sheepish look about him that keeps Louis guessing._
> 
> _“What is it?” Louis asks._
> 
> _“Look around.” Harry says._
> 
> _Louis looks around and sees that the field is now growing with all sort of colorful flowers, bushes and trees. It’s a field of vibrant life._
> 
> _Louis stares on in awe._
> 
> _He can smell the variants of roses, lavenders, honeysuckles, heliotropes, alyssums, geraniums, gardenias and lilacs and the air is so rich with the decadent scents that it feels like paradise._
> 
> _It’s a living and breathing moment that feels nostalgic to Louis._
> 
> _“WOW!” Louis says turning back to Harry. “This absolutely spectacular!! Have you ever seen such beauty?” He asks._
> 
> _Harry’s lip twitch at the response. “I have.” He says with a blush. “But this is a close second.” He smiles into his answer and Louis blushes back._
> 
> _“Can you come see me?” Harry asks._
> 
> _“You mean in real life?”_
> 
> _“Yes.”_
> 
> _Louis digs his hands into his pockets. “I’m not sure Harry. I’ll have to get permission.”_
> 
> _“I’m by the Medic Tent.” Harry says. “Come find me.”_
> 
> _Louis is about to say he’ll try his best but Harry disintegrates and the field around him blur and fade out._

Louis opens his eyes and finds himself in bed. He jumps out and finds Liam reading Zayn’s letter again.

“Another quick nap?” Liam asks.

“It was better this time around.” Louis says. “Move over.”

Louis slides into bed next to Liam.

“Harry asked me to come see him.” Louis shyly admits.

“You should go.” Liam encourages.

“I don’t know.” Louis grimaces at his thoughts. “Isn’t that kind of weird? Just going because my dream told me to?”

“Isn’t that what happened the first time? You ended up going and it had been good timing.”

Louis looks at Liam briefly trying to make sense of his decision.

“If I go you are coming with me.”

“If we can get permission than of course I’ll come with you.”

“Right…” Louis looks up at the mattress and tries to push it up with his palm. “What do I tell Tedder?”

“I don’t know Tommo. You’re the Squadron Leader. I’m sure you’ll think of something. How did you get permission the last time?”

Louis winces. “No that was different, he was depressed and only agreed because I had pulled my weight. Not going to be easy this time.”

“Don’t get too technical.” Liam advises. “Just go in there and say whatever comes to mind.”

“You’re right.” Louis removes his hand and lets the mattress drop back against the wooden planks. “You’re right. Okay… I can do this.”

“You can do this.” Liam repeats.

Louis turns on his side and gives him a big smile. “We are going back to Helles!”


	6. Truths Revealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentines to you all! 
> 
> I apologize for the delay. The next two chapters will be longer and it may take more time to put them out so bookmark this story and come back to read more! I also have some good news!! The famous Hazstylestrash will be creating a movie poster for this fan-fic and I'm so excited for you all to see it! Definitely stay tuned! We still have a few more twists coming!
> 
> Also, here's a map of Gallipoli to help you map out the locations of HMS Trenton, Cape Helles, Morto Bay and Sulva Bay. Highlight and right click open in new tab. 
> 
> https://ibb.co/TWhHJfb
> 
> xx  
> Z

** February 18, 1942 – HMS Trenton **

Louis and Liam have been standing in their CO’s office for a few minutes. They both attempt idle chatter before breaching the subject of Helles. Louis feels too nervous to ask and Liam keeps looking over encouraging him to get on with it.

When Louis finally brings it up his CO dismisses it. Liam tries to defend him and explain that it is important but Tedder won’t hear it.

“Tomlinson, you are a Squadron Leader now. You have responsibilities to uphold. You can’t just run off gallivanting in Helles for _personal matters_ that is neither here nor there! I won’t hear of this again!”

Louis bites down on his lip and unwilling accepts his fate. He looks over to Liam and sees that Liam’s jaw is tense and he’s rubbing the back of his neck.

“Sir.” Liam abruptly says. “What about the evacuations at Sulva Bay? Surely it means you can spare Louis a few minutes at Helles while everything is still quiet?”

CO Tedder eyes Liam suspiciously before speaking to him. “Lt. Payne, I do not know how you came by that information.” He shoots a side glance to Louis to see if his face will betray him.

“Didn’t come by him.” Liam quickly defends.

Louis clasps his hands behind his back and rolls his weight to his heels. He’ll be damned if knew what Liam was talking about! He raises a questioning brow at Liam but it’s dismissed.

“That is classified information and eavesdropping on discreet matters hold grave consequences Lt. Payne! You shall not speak of it ever again. Is that clear?”

“Affirmative sir.” Liam feels his blood boil at the baseless accusation.

“I will let it slide this time because your Squadron Leader is present and WILL ensure that the information is kept secret. Isn’t that right Sqn Ldr Tomlinson?”

“Yes sir.” Louis gives Liam a wary look. It’s strange to be the one in the middle now.

“And despite what you heard Lt. Payne, it changes nothing about our assignments. You will both stay on board and report to your duties. Is that understood?”

“But Sir..” Liam protests again. “The air raids have died out. Couldn’t Tommo just have a few minutes at the landing? I will stay back and double up my efforts.” He pleads.

“You speak out of turn airman!” He slaps a fist down against his desk to magnify his response. “I believe I’ve made myself clear! If this matter is that important than please, Tomlinson, do divulge this _personal matter_ so that it can be decided whether it is in fact imperative for you to get involved with!”

“But sir. It’s his personal business.” Liam interrupts. “I’m sure you can appreciate that we have our own matters of discretion.”

Louis gets restless in place and shakes his head at Liam to stop talking.

“Sir, I understand your – ” Louis starts but it is cut off by his CO.

“Your behavior is out of line Lt. Payne!”

“Sqn Ldr Tomlinson is a trustworthy and capable individual!” Liam steps forward and shouts at the CO. “He’s done everything for our squadron long before he’s became a Squadron Leader so I’m sure you can trust his reason for leaving the carrier to be of significance!”

Louis feels terrible that Liam is sacrificing his own name and reputation just to get Louis to Harry. Louis grabs him by the elbow and forces him back so that he can mitigate the dispute.

“SIR!” Louis shouts over them. “Thank you for your time! Your instructions are well received and I will stay put and look after my own. I respectfully ask that you permit us to leave before this argument escalates any further.”

“Tommo.” Liam pleads.

“Please!” Louis turns to him. “I don’t want to have to choose.” He turns back to his CO.

“Lt. Payne your behavior – ” Tedder is cut off by Louis. “I WILL DEAL with Lt. Payne in private as his Leader Sir.”

CO Tedder shakes his head at Liam and looks over to Louis. “Permission to leave granted.” He says bitterly. “You see that all your men learn their place and speak only when directed to!”

“Yes sir.” Louis says as he forces Liam away and out the door.

* * *

Once they’re inside their sleeping quarters Louis slams the door shut and punches the adjacent wall.

“Tommo – before you say anything hear me out!” Liam shouts stepping in closer. “I know a way to get you out!”

“Payno! Stop! Haven’t you done enough?” He shouts.

“You have to leave!” Liam shouts back.

“STOP!” Louis runs a shaky hand through his hair. “What the fuck were your thinking in there? You could have been sacked with that attitude!”

Liam scoffs.

“I’m serious Payno!” Louis takes a deep breath to collect himself. He puts his hands on hips studies Liam carefully. “You’ve changed mate.”

Liam meets his gaze and sees that Louis has come down from his anger. He looks at him concerted trying to figure him out.

“Yes… yes I have.” Liam admits. “I’m fucking tired of pretending I want to be here and playing Mr. Nice Guy to the same men that sit in their fancy offices while we risk our lives for their glory and fame!”

Liam puts his hands on his hips to match Louis’ stance.

“Pretending you want to be here?” Louis echoes.

“Yes Tommo! Believe it or not I’m not here because I want to be!” He hisses and paces in places.

“So why are you here?” Louis questions. It’s a question that was never warranted. Louis just assumed Liam had wanted to be here.

“Why do you think I’m here?” Liam counters.

Louis raises a brow in question. Liam giving him attitude is new.

“Your family?”

“Yes Tommo. My family!” He stops pacing and sighs loudly to himself.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“And what would that change?!”

“Christ Payno. I’m just trying to understand!”

Liam squeezes the bridge of his nose and tries to calm himself. He’s never displayed such hostility before. _It’s the war. It’s finally getting to him._

“I can’t uphold my family’s tradition.” He says looking back to Louis. “I’m not my father! I’m not my grandfather! I had a nice quiet sanctuary with Zayn and I was forced to give it up. And for what? All it’s done is drive the boy insane to the point that he enlisted and drove himself out here only to get stuck in fucking misery and have his knee blown up!”

Liam starts pacing again. “I don’t fucking care about medals or stripes or any of that shit Tommo! All I’ve thought about since coming here is how badly I want to run away with Zayn and have a normal life together. So yes, I did change. I’m finally seeing my values don’t align with anyone else’s.”

“I see.” Louis drops his hands from his hips. It hurts to hear that Liam doesn’t want to be here and doesn’t want to be a part of his Squadron.

Louis walks over to Liam’s bed and sulks down running a hand over his face. He is conflicted between being a good friend and a responsible Squadron Leader. He sighs at his jumbled thoughts.

“I’m sorry Liam.” He finally says. “I had no idea it was that bad for you mate. I’m glad you confided in me.”

He looks up to Liam who stands with his back to him. He can hear him sniffling in the background.

“Payno mate.” Louis stands up and walks over to him. Liam doesn’t budge from place so Louis wraps his arms around him and it causes Liam to spill over and cry into his arms.

“It’s okay.” Louis comforts him with a soothing hand on his back. “Cry it out. I’m here for you.”

Louis holds him for a little longer before Liam apologizes and moves away from their embrace.

“I’m sorry Tommo.” He says as he wipes at his sleeve and takes a seat on his bed.

“Don’t be sorry.” Louis takes a seat next to him.

“It’s just been so hard trying to be strong for everyone around me.” Liam presses his lips together to stifle back another cry. “It wasn’t as bad before but when Zayn got here...” He sighs into his words. “I just can’t sleep proper anymore. I just sense something is off.”

“What do you mean?” Louis asks.

“Zayn.” Liam whispers. “Something is troubling him. I just feel it. It’s killing me. I feel like I’m suffocating. Something isn’t right.”

Louis looks at him confused. “But he wrote you.” He says. “He said everything is fine.”

Liam shakes his head. “That’s what he’ll have you believe.”

“Well…” Louis is crushed by his next words but they have to be said. “He’s on his way home now. Do you want a discharge?”

Liam lingers on his stare before shaking his head no. “I can’t.” Liam tells him. “I can’t leave the service if I want a future with him.”

“How so?”

“If he and I are going to move out together, we’ll need our veteran pensions until we can secure jobs.”

“I see.” Louis pats him on the back for reassurance. “Why don’t you write him then?”

Liam shakes his head again. “Zayn won’t say anything through letters. I know how he is.”

“Hmm...” Louis hasn’t much to offer. “Well, anything I can do to make your time more … tolerable?”

Liam sits up straighter and a serious look permeates his face. “Go see Harry.”

Louis looks at him surprised. Of all things he expected Liam to say that wasn’t one.

“I can’t Payno.”

“You can.” Liam’s eyes dart around the room. “Tommo… I can’t be on your wing when you decide it’s time to go. I can’t.” He looks at Louis and gives him a pleading look but Louis remains nonchalant and pretends to be oblivious.

“Tommo. I know.” Liam says to his face. “I’ve speculated at first but Harry confirmed it the morning he left.”

Louis looks away feeling himself grow insecure. There’s something about the accusation that makes him vulnerable and exposed and it’s not a position he wants to be in. Not in front of Liam and as his Squadron Leader nonetheless.

“Liam…” Louis hasn’t addressed him by his first name since their first week at OTU.

“Louis.” Liam returns the name calling. “It’s okay. You don’t have explain yourself. I get it.”

Louis clasps his hands tightly and watches his knuckles go white. He’s never meant for anyone to know or pity him. He’s only told Harry out of desperation. Despite making a promise to Harry, he’s let those very thoughts consume him again because there was no reason to uphold it. Harry would not be a part of his life outside this war. His reality will only be devastating and sleep will be his only cure. And how does retain endless sleep? The answer is surely death.

“You wanna know why I want you to go see Harry so bad?” Liam asks.

Louis looks up from his lap and quirks a brow in question. He can’t bring himself to talk just yet.

“Because you look so happy when you sleep.” Liam chuckles lightly at his words but it does nothing to perk Louis up.

“Really Tommo… it was nice to see you chase after something besides death.” He gives Louis a little smile hoping to lighten the mood.

“At least chasing death is attainable.” Louis smirks and it causes Liam’s smile to fade. He’s being deflective. It’s a defense mechanism.

“You don’t know that for sure.” Liam tells him. “Look Tommo… I wouldn’t be encouraging you if I didn’t think there was a chance.”

“How are you so convinced?” Louis asks. “I’ve got nothing but doubts.”

“I just have a feeling.” Liam puts a hand on his shoulder and squeezes into the touch. “This is going to sound crazy but remember the night I was pulled out of the water?”

Louis nods yes.

“When I came out of the chopper, I saw Harry waiting for me except it wasn’t Harry, it was you. When he wrapped his arms around me it felt like I was holding you. I know it’s strange I don’t even know how to explain it but everything about him in that moment felt like you.”

Louis listens to him with growing interest.

“I don’t think you realize it Tommo, but your souls have formed some sort of union. I think that’s why you keep having those dreams.”

Louis tilts his head entertaining the idea.

“I hate to say it but I think there’s a greater force at play.” 

“You really think so?” Louis doesn’t want to believe it just yet. He’s done that before and it brought nothing but devastation.

Liam smiles and shifts closer letting his hold on Louis’ shoulder extend and wrap around his shoulders.

“Tommo… you may think that this war is your end but I honestly think that deep down inside even you know that the reason for you coming to war was to cross paths with your destiny.”

Louis sighs into his hold.

“Yeah… I did think that… but I gave it up because I had to.”

“I think you gave up too easily.” 

Louis’ mouth parts open but he holds back on what he’s about to say.

“Look it didn’t happen the first time for Zayn and I either but I kept trying… like I said sometimes things take time.”

“You really think that would be wise? Getting between his family and all?”

“That’s for him to figure out. Your part is to be consistent and show him how important this is to you.”

Louis swallows thickly at the suggestion. He doesn’t want his own needs to put Harry in harm’s way.

“Tommo.” Liam interrupts his thoughts. “Do you trust me?” he asks.

Louis looks at him appalled. “Obviously!”

“Okay… then go to Helles. I think it’s time.”

Louis looks hesitant at the idea. He doesn’t know how he’ll manage that.

“How?” Louis asks.

“Easy.” Liam’s confidence derails Louis from his doubts. “We go back to Tedder’s office. I’m going to apologize for my behavior and you’re going to drop a comment about not feeling too well and excuse yourself. Then you’ll go to James and ask him to sneak you out tomorrow morning. I will cover for you during morning briefing and tell Tedder that your still feeling under the weather. You’ll come back and show face in the afternoon and fly us out for the sweep. He won’t suspect a thing.”

“I see.” Louis says. “You really thought this out.” His rank as Squadron Leader denies him the leave but his heart is begging him to go. Perhaps another nudge and he’ll agree.

“Yeah well… I can’t let you give this up, it’s the only good thing that’s come from our experience.” Liam says. “Besides, if I’m staying put then the least you can do is reclaim your life so that when we fly, we fly with purpose.”

“Those are heavy words.” Louis says turning into his gaze.

“It’s the truth.”

“Right… Thank you.” He casts his eyes downwards. “Thanks for coming along with me despite my reckless ways.”

“Don’t have to thank me.” Liam shrugs. “I needed to experience this. I’ve got a lot to figure out for myself -” “I have a lot to thank you for.” Louis cuts in. “Really appreciate everything you do for me.” Louis bites the inside of his cheek. “And Liam… the only reason I didn’t plan to go home is because I have no home left.”

Liam gives him a sympathetic smile. “I know.” He says.

Louis hesitates for a second before speaking again. “My mum was my beacon of light. She always guided me and when she died, I felt lost. Then my sister died and I just felt worse. Like I had somehow let my mum down.” Louis’ eyes dart around the room. “I love Dan. He’s a great man. I love my other siblings too but mum and I were a team. I just feel like life doesn’t make sense without her.” He pauses and fixes his eyes back on Liam. “Is it weird that I feel like I don’t fit in with the rest of my family? Like I’m some sort of an extension?”

“I understand the feeling.” Liam admits. “I don’t feel home when I’m at home either.”

He and Louis lock eyes before looking away and sulking into deeper thoughts. The air around them grows thick with tension. They never shared such intimate details about their lives because talking about home is taboo. It protects the soldiers from growing homesick but it seems that neither one need worry about that now. 

“Tommo.” Liam breaks their stretched silence and Louis looks back to him waiting.

Liam clears his throat like he means business. “Sometimes home isn’t a physical space. Sometimes, home is a person.”

Louis is taken back by his words. They resonate with him and make perfect sense.

He’s recently felt that familiar all-encompassing love and comfort that a home provides. He felt it when he and Harry desperately held each other the other night. It felt just as nurturing and loving as his embraces with his mum. The only person he ever did embrace and dote on.

“You are right Payno.” He finally says. “You are absolutely right.” His voice drawls on as they fall into another rhythmic silence.

“I think I’m ready to go search for my new home.” Louis says a minute later.

Liam perks up at his works and gives him a little smile.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Louis reciprocates the smile and the energy in the room feels good again. It’s light. It’s blissful and there’s hope yet.

“Ready to apologize then?” Louis smirks and tilts his head to the side trying to look endearing. What’s another favor? 

Liam rolls his eyes. “Anything for you _Squadron Leader_.” He mocks.

* * *

** February 18, 1942 – Cape Helles **

Harry spends his afternoon walking along the shoreline aimlessly. He’s gone back and forth several times carrying nothing but the weight of his thoughts. He feels _changed_. As though his dip in the water had been some sort of baptism that invigorated his soul with courage and strength and restored him anew.

When he reaches the south end of Cape Helles again, he spots a pathway that leads through the bushes. He looks around watching and waiting to see if anyone will warn him or tell him to retreat but no one does. So he opts for an adventure and takes the poorly marked trail.

When he emerges from the other side he finds himself standing on the bottom of a cliff with a spectacular view of the sea. It is quiet here and it is delicately tucked away from all evidence of war. There are no fleets on the horizon or uniformed men about.

Harry looks around in amusement and spots a little cave-like impression etched into the side of the cliff. He hikes up the rocky formation and takes shelter inside. The solitude and stillness of the place offers him respite and for the first time in a _really_ long time he feels completely at peace. 

So much peace that he trusts himself to close his eyes and let the sounds of the crashing waves drift him away into the distance…

> _He finds himself back in the field of daffodils._
> 
> _He walks around letting his hands brush over the stalks and stems of the flowers. The sun is radiant and it beams down with purpose. The place feels alive and it makes him happy._
> 
> _He starts to hum an old forgotten tune when a thud sounds in the distance and steals him from his peaceful lull. Harry turns back to look in its direction and finds that same lone tree now stands some few meters away._
> 
> _He runs over because it feels familiar and before he arrives he sees that Louis drops down to his feet._
> 
> _“Hello Darling!” Louis smiles at him from a distance._
> 
> _“Hi Louis.”_
> 
> _“Oh!” Louis exclaims and looks away from Harry. “Sorry. I didn’t realize..”_
> 
> _Harry looks down and finds that he’s naked again except this time he isn’t particularly bothered by it._
> 
> _“Sorry.” Harry says. “I guess you’re going to have to get used to it.”_
> 
> _“You are never naked in my dreams.” Louis tells him. “How come you are in yours?”_
> 
> _Harry shrugs. He hasn’t thought about it. “I guess you make feel exposed.” He reasons._
> 
> _“Fair enough.” Louis says looking around the field. “I have something for you.” He extends a hand and gives him a boutique of mixed flowers._
> 
> _“Oh! Thank you!” Harry smiles and takes it from his hands. “Where’d you find them?” He asks._
> 
> _“They were in the field in my dreams.”_
> 
> _Harry takes a whiff of the boutique. “They smell heavenly!”_
> 
> _“Yeah.. you should see the place! It’s paradise. I’m sure once the flowers bloom here, you’ll understand.”_
> 
> _“I bet.” Harry says. “By the way.” He puts the bouquet down and removes Louis’ dog tags and hands them back to Louis “Thanks for lending this.”_
> 
> _“You don’t need any more courage?” Louis asks._
> 
> _“No.” Harry picks up the flowers and smiles back at him. “I’m brave now.”_
> 
> _“That’s very good news.” Louis says._
> 
> _“Yes.” Harry responds. “It sounds good but I haven’t applied it yet.”_
> 
> _“Oh…” Louis looks around reflecting on Harry’s words. “Well I’m coming to see you tomorrow. Do you think you’ll apply it then?”_
> 
> _“I think so.” Harry doesn’t look at Louis when he says it but Louis catches the smile that betrays him._
> 
> _“Good.” Louis smiles to himself. “Alright then Darling, I’ll meet you outside the medic tent.”_
> 
> _“Okay.” Harry’s face remains buried in the boutique of flowers. When he looks up Louis is gone and the boutique in his hands starts to fade like the rest of his surroundings._

Harry opens his eyes and finds himself curled up on the cliff. The sun is starting to set so he hikes back down and returns to the landing. 

* * *

** February 19, 1942 – On board the Chopper **

“Honestly James, don’t know how to thank you. You’ve done so much for me!”

James shakes his head like it’s no big deal. “So long as you tell no one.” He says. “Any way it’s good to feel useful again been feeling like a postman lately.”

“Mum’s the word.” Louis chuckles. “So how much time can you give me?”

“Hmm..” James hums. “I’m going to stay with the journalists for a bit. So let’s say an hour?”

Louis’ eyes grow wide. “Wow, that’s very generous. You sure?”

“I’m sure.” James gives him a quick smile before turning back to his control. “You and Harry should join us if you’d like. It’s always a fun time with their gossip and moonshine and all that queer stuff they get up to.”

Louis chuckles again. “Maybe next time. Thanks for the offer though.” He looks out the window and immediately starts to scan his eyes for the lonely body by the tent.

James nods in place of a response and begins their descent over Cape Helles.

‘Give my regards to Harry’ is the last thing he says before Louis sneaks out and starts running down the beach towards the tent.

* * *

Harry stares out at the coastline and runs a hand through his messy hair. He has no reason to be up so early but it’s become routine. He fixes his eyes on the HMS Trenton whose calm and steady and anchored in the distance. Like all the carriers that surround her, she’s been uneventful of late. _It’s a good thing._ He reflects on his dream from the evening before and remembers Louis telling him he’ll come see him.

Harry sighs.

He doesn’t know what to believe anymore. The visions, the dreams, the sounds, they all seem too surreal. Yet oddly, they never fail to deliver on their words.

His eyes steer away from the ship and land on a figure that runs towards down the strip. He hasn’t seen any soldiers running about lately. Helles has been quiet and uneventful too.

He squints. The uniform looks different. The figure gets closer and Harry feels himself growing painstakingly nervous. _Could it be?_

He squints harder trying to make out the figure and confirms that it’s a pilot’s jacket and the pilot is running towards him.

Harry stands up and brushes the sand off his back. 

_This must be another vision._

He stands in place and watches as Louis closes in the distance.

“Harry!” Louis shouts from a few meters away.

_It’s no vision._

“Louis?”

Louis stops and bends over panting for breath. It’s been a long run. His eyes catch on Harry’s boots and he feels his lungs collapse. _So it is true._

**Good. Gracious. God.**

He forces himself to stand up and sweeps his fringe aside. “Good to see you.” He says out of breath.

“You too.” Harry still can’t believe Louis is here. “How’d you know I was here?” He asks.

Louis quirks a brow. _Harry had told him in his dream._

“They call me Hawkeye for a reason!” He chuckles and lies.

Harry nods seemingly convinced by his words and Louis breathes a sigh of relief. His eyes trail down to his boots again but he forces them away pretends not to have noticed.

“So…” Louis looks around feeling slightly uncomfortable by the intense glare Harry shoots him. “What are you doing here anyway?”

Harry still can’t believe Louis is here. His dream had come true.

“I haven’t got a company.” Harry tries to explain. “I was given orders to stay put until further instructions are received.”

“I see.” Louis smiles because it’s comforting to know that Harry isn’t back in the trenches. _Not yet anyway._

“They’ve been occupied with some things up in Sulva Bay, so they don’t when I’ll get posted again.”

 _Sulva Bay._ Louis thinks. That’s the second time it gets mentioned in the last 24 hours. _Something must be brewing_. He makes a mental note to ask Liam when he returns despite getting strict orders not to repeat what he’s heard.

“Well… let’s hope that they keep you – ” Louis bites down on his words. “They’ll figure it out surely. Anyway, any private place we can talk?”

Harry looks around contemplating the answer. He knows a private place but he isn’t sure he’s ready to be alone with Louis. It feels too soon.

He whispers ‘yes’ despite his growing nerves and leads Louis down the coastline towards Morto Bay. 

They walk mostly in silence except for when Harry tells him that Zayn wrote him and Louis tells him Liam got a letter too.

“Did he sound okay?” Louis asks.

“What do you mean?” Harry turns back and looks at him confused.

“I mean… the contents of the letter. Was it… I don’t know… good stuff?” Louis is only fishing for information, whatever he can gather to put Liam’s troubled mind at peace.

“He was asking if I’m doing well and said that he’s going home and wants to see me when I go back.” He tenses his brows waiting on Louis’ response.

“Good.” Louis nods. “Yeah… good stuff.”

Harry gives him an accusatory look.

“Don’t mind me Harry. I just wanted to know what he said to you.” Louis lies. “Anyway, where are you taking me? We’ve just passed the British barracks.” He deflects away and feigns interest in the sudden derailing of their tracks.

“Some place private.” Harry looks back at him. “Just like you asked.”

“Is the place safe?”

“Yes. It’s safe.” Harry continues to walk and leads him through the trail.

Louis feels himself grow anxious as they near their destination. He and Liam spent the night rehearsing the conversation he’s about to have with Harry. Liam warned him not to get nervous but how is that possible when he walks behind the very person that is both his weakness and his strength?

Harry walks a little timidly. He feels unsettled and unable to clear his mind. He’s still stunned that his dream came true, he’s worried about Louis’ comment regarding Zayn’s letter and he’s growing nervous because Louis coming here and demanding privacy only means one thing: _That the topic will be breached again_ and he hadn’t prepared for it.

They reach the trail exit and Harry gives Louis a chance to look around and be mesmerized by the view. He points up at the little cave and asks whether Louis would like to hike up.

Louis shrugs his shoulder. “Sure.” Looks cozy enough.

“I’m sorry I didn’t write you and Liam back.” Harry says as he traverses across the rocky formation.

“It’s okay.” Louis says.

“I didn’t have much to say.”

“I understand.” Louis smiles but Harry can’t see it hiking in front of him.

Once they make it up, they get settled inside and extend their legs.

“It’s a nice place.”

“It is.” Harry says while looking around and taking in the view.

“I got something for you.” Louis removes the strap of his kit bag and settles it on his lap.

“You did?” Harry frowns at the familiar words. _I got something for you_.

“Yeah.” Louis unzips his bag and pulls out an aluminum tin. “Here.” He passes it to Harry. “I got you some breakfast.”

Harry takes it from his hands and thanks him. He feels himself blush at Louis’ kind gesture.

“Thanks Louis.” He puts the tin aside. “I’ll have it in a bit. Not hungry yet.”

He shifts his body facing Louis and looks at him prepared like he’s waiting on something else.

Louis points to Harry’s boots nervously. “You’ve got new boots.” It isn’t part of the script and he no longer remembers the conversation he and Liam prepared.

“Yeah.” Harry looks down studying them. “They’re not new. Belonged to a soldier whose probably lost his life or legs. I don’t know.” He looks up at Louis and shrugs. “They fit better though.”

“That’s good.” Louis says. “I’m glad.”

Harry tenses his brows and stares at him intently. His eyes dance back and forth between Louis’ just waiting on something.

Louis feels heavier in place. His mind is coagulated with thoughts and words that are neither solid nor of form. He opens his mouth to say something but nothing escapes him.

“I’ve done a lot of thinking.” Harry says breaking the tension between them.

“You have?” Louis is relieved that he speaks instead.

“Yeah… I have.” He presses his lips together and steals a glance of the sea.

“You want to talk about it?”

“Sure.” Harry shrugs. “I’ve just… I’ve decided that I’m going to be honest with my folks.”

“I see.” Louis hums.

“I plan on telling them the truth when I get home.” He nods to himself. “I don’t… I won’t pretend to fill his shoes. I can’t.” Harry looks down at his boots again.

Louis remains silent waiting on more.

“I’m not my father. I don’t know why I even wanted to be like him. He’s a terrible man.”

Louis nods. _Yes. Yes, he is. A terrible man indeed._ “I agree.” He says instead.

“I wanted to impress him just so that I can be accepted but now I realize that I was trying to be accepted for someone I’m not.”

“I follow.” Louis reassures him.

“I’ve learned a great deal about… friendship and love.” Harry looks up at him with tense brows. “Niall taught me that love is without judgment.”

Louis nods his head along.

“I’ve never really had friendships before. Couldn’t really… So I didn’t know that some folks don’t mind it… that it can be accepted and all. I also didn’t know that there were so many of us…” Harry steals another glance at the sea.

Louis hadn’t know that fact either but at least he had friends. It hurts him to know that Harry was denied so many simple things in life. The thought in Louis’ head drives an old feeling back to his guts and he finds his gaze on Harry beginning to grow hazy. His features soften up and the lines on his face begin to fade. Louis squints harder to clear his vision but Harry’s face morphs and become more rounded. He looks much younger and his face is wet with tears.

Louis feels jerked back in time and the force of the pull causes him to gasp out loud. Harry looks back at him and Louis _remembers._

_It wasn’t fate or coincidence that brought him here, it was his promise. And the universe is conspiring with him to fulfill it._

“Louis?” Harry’s voice sounds concerned and it instantly pulls Louis out of the abyss.

Louis takes a sharp inhale as he gravitates back to the present. He sits up in place and steadies his breath before looking back at Harry.

“What’s wrong?” Harry places a hand on his knee.

Louis shakes his head unable to make sense of it. “Sorry.” He says. “I got lost in my thoughts.” His eyes trail down to Harry’s hand.

“You looked so terrified.” Harry says.

“I’m sorry.” Louis apologizes again meeting his gaze. “Didn’t mean to frighten you.”

Louis feels bad dismissing it. He knows what he saw but he doesn’t know how to rationalize it.

“I heard what you said.” Louis deflects. “But what about the punishments and imprisonment aren’t you worried about that?”

Harry tenses his brows and stares at him suspiciously.

“Imprisonment?” Harry questions him.

“Isn’t that…” Louis stumbles on his words. “Isn’t that what you said?”

“No.” It’s a rapid and sure response.

“Oh…” Louis scrambles for words again. “I must’ve misheard then. Sorry.”

“I’m going to stand my ground.” Harry insists. “I’m going to defend myself this time.”

Louis can’t deter his thoughts away from the abuse that Harry endured and robbed him of his youth. He can’t let it happen again.

“I don’t know Harry…” He grimaces. “I just… I don’t want any harm done to you. Couldn’t you just keep quiet about it and live a secret life or something?”

“I’m not going back on my words.” Harry retaliates. “I’m not scared. I’m a lot stronger than I let on.” He remembers the words that Niall carefully crafted for him in his parting letter. They are the very words that empower him.

It becomes quite clear to Louis that Harry has only made up his mind about coming out to his parents. He hasn’t made any indication that Louis will be a part of the equation. This changes many things. It changes almost everything that he and Liam prepared.

Louis takes out his box of cigarettes and offers one to Harry but he declines with a shake of his head. Louis can feel his frustration. Harry seems to be adamant about coming out but something else eats at him and fuels his restlessness.

“Harry look…” Louis stops to light up. “I have a proposition.” He takes a drag and stares out at the horizon. “Don’t start trouble with your family. Just stay quiet. When we return to England, I’ll try to get my hands on whatever job I can find. When I have enough I’ll get a place and you can stay with me.” He looks at Harry who is listening to him intently. “As roommates.” He adds in with a swift motion of his hand. “You can have your freedom then and be whoever you wish to be.”

Louis feels his chest tighten at the words. It hurts to hold back on the words he desperately wants to say and the feelings he desperately wants to explore. “I just need time to make that happen…” He takes another drag while Harry remains quiet. “And of course, this is all contingent on us making it out of war alive.” He quirks a brow at Harry. “That’s not something I can promise.”

“You…” Harry clears his throat. “You would do that for me?”

In Louis mind, it’s a most pathetic question to ask. He’d offer the whole world to him. This was nothing.

“Course.” Louis answers. “We’re mates now.” Another festering wound pierces his heart. “We gotta look out for each other.”

Harry stays quiet and Louis watches as he recoils into his thoughts. Louis knows it’s a lot to contemplate so he continues to smoke and waits patiently for Harry to come around.

Harry’s never had anyone do so much for him. Louis saved him from Helles, he’s clothed him and fed him and sacrificed his own sleep time just to keep Harry safe from nightmares. He’s even sacrificed his own feelings so that Harry wouldn’t be subjected to further abuse. And now he’s doing it again. Taking it upon himself to create a safe refuge for the same boy who rejected his love.

 _"You have to go with Louis.”_ Niall’s words suddenly echo in his head. _“Louis will take care of you.”_ It’s what he had told Harry in the dream.

 _“Darling. You are not alone. I’m always going be there with you. I promise. You trust me don’t you?”_ It was what Louis had told him in the same dream.

Harry looks up at Louis and is instantly met with lustrous eyes penetrating right through him. He feels himself falling into the depths of blue where the water is calm and gentle and carries him into a marvelous world that is Louis’ beautiful soul. It is filled with compassion, kindness, love, sacrifice and selflessness. The vessel is no longer void but overflowing with promises of tomorrow. 

Louis can’t peel his eyes away from Harry’s stare. He feels himself enraptured by the green irises whose pupils are now dilated. They pull him into a vast valley of luscious green where everything blooms with confidence and richness. It’s a bright world and this time Harry doesn’t force him out.

Harry takes the cigarette from Louis’ hand and flicks it away. Louis’ mouth parts open to ask why but he is cut off by Harry’s lips that collide with his mouth. Harry cradles his face and Louis thinks he may pass out under the tight grip. The touch, the union, the meeting feels like ecstasy. The friction of their lips colliding sends heat through their bodies and their hearts pick up pace and beat in rhythm together. The increased reuptakes send endorphins rushing through their bodies and it feels like _science_. Like an experiment that’s about to combust, explode or blend into a beautiful masterpiece.

Harry pulls away and Louis gasps at the parting. It’s overwhelming.

“Harry…” He licks his lips tasting the remnants of their kiss. “You don’t have to do this. I don’t need you to pay me back in any way.”

It’s a courteous thing to say.

Harry shakes his head. His hands are still holding Louis’ face. He stares at Louis hungrily. “Not my intention.” He says staring down at Louis’ lips. “I want this too.”

Harry leans in again and presses another desperate kiss to Louis’ lips. Louis puts his hands behind Harry’s head and forces him closer. Harry may be hungry, but Louis is _starving._

Harry parts his mouth and teases Louis to open up for him. The taste of Louis and his cigarette mold together and Harry doesn’t mind it. He pokes and prods into Louis’ mouth eager for more. 

Louis copies Harry’s moves and tantalizes Harry’s tongue with his own. It’s a dance. A slow exquisite dance moving in and out of each other’s mouths.

Harry’s breathing hitches up and Louis feels himself moan at Harry’s desperation. Louis moves his hands down to Harry’s back and runs his hands all over squeezing Harry’s waist and grabbing a feel of his backside.

Louis feels himself growing impatient and yearning for more. It will soon become far more than he can restrain so he puts a hand against Harry’s chest and begins to slow down on their rapid kissing. Harry follows his rhythm until they finally stop and pull away slowly. 

Louis takes his time to open his eyes in case this is all a dream. Except when he finally opens them he finds Harry already beaming down at him. He is glowing with radiance and life and it’s a whole new Harry he has never seen.

“Wow.” Louis says tasting his lips again.

Harry chuckles lightly and leans back on the opposing wall. He runs a hand through his hair and gives Louis another wide grin. Louis sees that Harry is blushing under the weight of their stare and it’s too endearing.

“Where’d that come from?” Louis asks.

Harry shrugs and shies away from the answer. He’s been caged for too long and the build-up of sexual tension was bound to become unleashed. 

“Honestly Harry…” Louis starts. “I was starting to think you had forgotten about me.”

Harry gives him a subtle shake of his head. “I didn’t…” He says. “I just… it was easier to talk about the other stuff. I wasn’t sure how to address this… us.”

“That’s fair.” Louis looks down at his lips that are splitting into another grin. “I know what you mean.”

“I’ve thinking about it a lot though.” Harry admits running his hands over his outstretched thighs.

“Me too.” Louis says.

“I’m sorry.” Harry whispers. “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Louis feels his heart beat faster at the words.

“I shouldn’t have denied you.” He continues. “I was just… I was scared.”

“I know.” Louis nods and gives him a reassuring look. He puts a hand over Harry’s knee. “Don’t need to apologize. I understand.” He squeezes into the touch. “The best things in life take time.” He feels guilty using Liam’s words instead of his own but it’s a perfect fit and he’s certain Liam wouldn’t mind.

Harry smiles under the touch. “I guess.” He replies.

“I was too hasty.” Louis adds in for good measure. “It was terrible timing and you were still coming down from a terrible day. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

Harry frowns and shakes his head no. “No...” He watches as Louis’ hand retracts from the touch. “Had nothing to do with that day or timing. It was just my stubborn mind thinking I had to keep a promise. I was just… foolish.”

Louis tilts his head back and rests it against the rough surface of the cliff. It doesn’t get more perfect than this. Harry in front of him, their legs touching, the open calm sea acting as their backdrop and the waves crashing providing a soundtrack to their beautiful moment of reconciliation.

“Not foolish.” Louis finally says looking away to the very sea that now keeps their secret. “You only believed what you thought was right. It’s not your fault.” His eyes begin to instinctively scan the sky and he feels Harry mimicking his movement and joining him in admiring the view.

“I guess.” Harry shrugs.

Louis eyes stop in their tracks and focus in on grey dots in the distant. He squints and uses a hand to shield his eyes from the sun. The dots are replicated and he can see that there are a number of aircrafts approaching in the distance.

“What’s wrong?” Harry asks noticing the sudden change in mood.

“Aircrafts coming this way.” He says.

Harry looks in the same direction but he doesn’t see anything.

“I don’t see anything.” He says.

“I know.” Louis says turning back to him. “Most people can’t.” He pulls his legs back and gets off the floor. “Harry, we need to get back.” His voice grows concerned. “I don’t have a good feeling about this.”

Louis puts out a hand to help him up. Harry grabs the tin container with one hand and lets Louis bring him to his feet. Louis doesn’t let his hand go and they hike back down like that.

Once they reach the bottom, Louis turns back and pulls him in. He plants a soft kiss to his lips and squeezes his hand. “Harry.” He says staring into his eyes. “Thank you.”

Harry doesn’t think he’s the one that deserves gratitude but before he gets a chance to say it Louis interjects. “No matter what happens, I promise I’ll come find you and we can build a home together. Okay?”

Harry feels the world around them fade out into darkness. He’s back in his room and Louis is there. Louis is in his room saying those same familiar words to him. _No_ … Harry shakes his head. _It can’t be…_

“Common, we gotta run now!” Louis grabs him by the hand again and forces him to start running. Harry’s thoughts are snatched away by the urgency to return to Helles.

They run out the trail and back onto the beach.

“Harry. Do you know where the Journalists gather?” He looks over to Harry who is now running by his side down the beach.

“I think so.” He pants.

“I need you to go find James and tell him he needs to get back to the chopper right away.”

Harry nods his head as Louis turns back to get another glimpse of the incoming aircrafts.

Once they reach the chopper, Louis yells at Harry to go find James. Harry hesitates in his place and looks at Louis with that same terrified look that haunted him in his first dream.

“Good bye Louis.” He says.

Louis feels his heart sink. Another glance at the sky tells him that time is running out and he doesn’t have a chance to make Harry feel better.

“I’ll see you later Harry.” Is all he says before climbing into the chopper and laying low to watch the skies.

Louis’ panic grows by the second as the aircrafts close in the distance. If the Germans are planning their attack now and he’s not on board to lead his Squadron then Liam will be fighting alone and he will be shipped back to England.

“What’s going on?” James asks as he jumps inside and powers up the chopper.

“We’ve got visitors.” Louis says. “Need to get back now James!!”

“Say no more!” 

Louis is staring at the formations and trying to make out the numbers while the chopper sets up. He’s so focused on the sky that he does not see Harry standing below them watching them take off.

Harry keeps his eyes on the chopper as it starts to fly over the sea and back to the carrier.

“Control Tower to Rescue.”

Louis holds his breath as the RT buzzes for them.

“We need you to stay put at 500 ft. Allies crossing over at 1500 Angels.”

“Roger that Control Tower. 500 ft secured.”

James looks back at Louis.

“It’s our allies!!” He exclaims. “Christ Hawkeye, you gave me the scare of my life!!”

Louis closes his eyes and sighs heavily in place.

“Sorry.” He says. “I couldn’t see the marks.”

“It’s fine.” James responds. “Better safe than sorry.”

Louis frowns at cutting his time with Harry short but there’s something else troubling him. “Why are a bunch of Allies flying over the Dardenelles?” He asks.

James gives him a side glance and presses his lips together. “I don’t know.” He lies.

“You do.” Louis replies.

“You’ll hear what you have to hear from your Commanding Officer. It’s not my place to speak on these matters.”

“I won’t tell a soul. Please tell me what’s going on!” Louis demands.

“I can’t.” James responds. “I’m sure you’ll be briefed today. I've broken enough rules for one day.”

Louis throws his hands up in defeat. Something doesn’t sit right.

* * *

Harry watches as the chopper descends back onto the carrier. He also watches as the 30+ aircrafts sighted by Louis fly right over the landing and continue without stopping. The formations are made up of Spitfires, Skymasters and Liberators. Harry recognizes them all as RAF aircrafts.

He feels crushed and knows that Louis is probably kicking himself as well.

He sighs to himself and returns to his usual spot outside the tent.

* * *

Louis sneaks out the chopper after thanking James for the millionth time and runs back to his sleeping quarters to drop of his bag. Liam is not inside and all the pilots are unaccounted for. He runs down to the ready room and finds that they are all gathered inside and sneaks in taking a seat in the last row.

CO Tedder spots him from the front of the room and subtly nods his head at him.

“You’re all dismissed.” He says.

Louis looks around searching for Liam and finds him sitting in the third row. He starts walking towards Liam but is stopped in his pursuit by CO Tedder who calls him to the front of the room.

“Sir.” Louis salutes.

“Tomlinson.” He says. “Glad to see you are doing better.”

“Thank you Sir.” He steals a glance behind his shoulder to see if Liam has left. “Did I miss anything important?”

“Sweeps have been cancelled until further notice. Sulva Bay is being evacuated and they have their own fighters to safeguard the skies for now.”

“I see.” Louis clasps his hands behind his back. “Why is Sulva Bay being evacuated Sir?”

“Their campaign failed.” CO Tedder doesn’t look impressed. He looks away from Louis and begins to gather some loose papers off the desk.

“What’s going to happen to Helles?”

“They’re going to push for attack and distract away from Sulva Bay.”

Louis feels his breath catch in his throat.

“Thank you sir.” He’s heard enough. “I will be in my quarters should you need me.”

CO Tedder nods at him and exits the front of the room.

Liam is not the room when Louis turns back so he makes the trip alone. If Helles is expected to cause a diversion than there’s a big chance that Harry will be asked to take up arms with or without a company.

Louis grows agitated and clenches his fists as he walks down the corridors. “Tommo!”

Louis turns back and finds Liam catching up to him. He wraps an arm around his shoulder and gives him a cunning smile. “How did it go?” Liam whispers.

Louis rolls his eyes. He’s not annoyed at Liam, he’s just annoyed that something good got overshadowed by his sightings which ultimately transformed into the inevitable. 

“Let’s talk in the room.” Louis tells him. Liam nods and they walk side by side to their quarters.

“Did you know they’re pushing Helles to attack?” Louis asks.

Liam frowns and then lifts his brows questioningly. “They are?”

“That’s what Tedder just told me.”

Liam takes a seat on the bed. Something about his facial expression doesn’t convey that he’s heard the same.

“I see. How’s Harry doing out there?” He asks.

Louis slumps down next to him. “He’s holding up alright. They scrapped his company but I worry they will force him to take up arms for this diversion.”

“I wouldn’t worry about that.” Liam cuts in.

“What do you mean?”

“They can’t force him into action without having legal papers documenting his rank and company.” Liam leans back on his elbows. He sounds sure of himself. “As long as he doesn’t sign with a new regiment, he should be fine.” He adds in. Louis stares at him long and hard. _This better be true_.

“You sure?” He presses for another confirmation.

“I’m positive.” Liam says. “It’s the only way they keep track of soldiers.”

Louis’ eyes dart around the room reflecting on the process. It seems believable.

“If you say so.” He answers. “Still doesn’t mean he’s out of harm’s way.”

Liam shrugs again and Louis feels a little confused at his lightheartedness. _This is a serious matter._

“What’s wrong?” Louis asks him.

“There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m just waiting to hear about how things went!! I’ve been waiting all morning!!”

Louis gives him a coy look before surrendering into a smile.

“I WAS RIGHT!” Liam says sitting back up and raising his hands in the air. “I KNEW IT!!!”

Louis can’t help but smile until his eyes crinkle. It was good to be reminded of how pleasant it had been. 

Louis licks his lips hoping to pick up on any lingering taste of Harry but nothing remains.

He turns his attention back to Liam and recaps their earlier conversation leading up to the stare and the kiss and the sightings of the aircrafts which led him to depart prematurely. Liam gives him a sorry look and pats him on the back.

“We were told they’d be flying over while we were at the briefing.” Liam says. “Wish they would’ve told us sooner so you could’ve bought yourself more time.”

“Yeah…” Louis sighs. “Well… let’s see how things pan out with the evacuation, maybe I’ll get a chance to go back once things have settled.”

Liam places a hand on Louis’ knee.

“Maybe.” Hewhispers.

* * *

Harry lays down on the sand and folds his arms over his eyes. He tries to reimagine the thoughts that crept up earlier that were abruptly dismissed due to the circumstances.

He waits for the light strobes behind his eyes to disintegrate into complete darkness and until he’s there again.

> _Harry finds himself sitting on the floor by the end of his bed with his legs tucked into his chest and he’s singing to himself. It’s a sad song that he remembers hearing over the radio._
> 
> _It’s another beautiful summer day and he’s trapped inside. He looks up at the sun that careens through the iron bars bolted to his window. The rays reflect down on the hardwood floor and he’s crying again. He drops his head down and hugs his legs closer._
> 
> _“Whoaa.”_
> 
> _Harry is startled and jerks his head up. There’s a stranger lying on his bedroom floor. The boy sits up and looks around amazed._
> 
> _“What is this place?” He asks._
> 
> _Harry should be terrified by a stranger suddenly appearing in his room except his loneliness welcomes the company with ease._
> 
> _“My room.” Harry answers._
> 
> _The boy looks at the window and back down at Harry._
> 
> _“Why do you have iron bars on your window?”_
> 
> _Harry shrugs. “I’m not allowed out.”_
> 
> _“Oh.” The boy says. “That song you were singing… You’ve got a nice voice but it sort of hurt to hear it.”_
> 
> _“I’m sorry.” Harry answers._
> 
> _“Don’t be.” Louis says. “I’m feeling sad myself. Just lost my mum so it felt appropriate.”_
> 
> _“I’m sorry for your loss.” Harry drops his knees and crosses his legs instead._
> 
> _“Thanks.” Louis presses his lips together and looks back at the iron bars. “You’re sad too then?” He asks._
> 
> _Harry nods his head._
> 
> _“What’s got you crying?”_
> 
> _Harry shrugs again. “I’m not allowed to leave my room.”_
> 
> _“Right.. you said that.” Louis’ expression changes to anger. “Why the hell not?!”_
> 
> _“Because I’m gay.”_
> 
> _Louis quirks a brow. “What’s that?”_
> 
> _Harry gives Louis a surprised look._
> 
> _“When a boy loves a boy.” He says._
> 
> _Louis shakes his head so what? “What does that matter?” He asks. “Why would anyone get punished for loving someone?”_
> 
> _Harry tenses his brows. “I don’t know.”_
> 
> _“Look.. I’ll tell you what, take my hand, let’s escape this place.”_
> 
> _Louis extends a hand to Harry and Harry stares at it hesitating._
> 
> _“Common.” Louis says gently. “You can trust me. I promise.”_
> 
> _Harry takes hold of his hand and the world around them whirls and spins and sends them through a worm hole. Harry stands on a large field and Louis is standing next to him._
> 
> _“This is our farm.” Louis tells him._
> 
> _“Wow.” Harry looks around and runs his hand over the haystack stacked behind him. “It’s pretty big.”_
> 
> _“Yeah.” Louis answers. “It used to feel like home.”_
> 
> _Harry frowns. “What happened?”_
> 
> _Louis buries his hands in his front pockets and shrugs his shoulders. “My mum died.”_
> 
> _“Right.” Harry says. “You said that… What about your dad?”_
> 
> _“Never met him.” Louis answers. “But mum got remarried and my step-dad is alright. He’s a good man. Just… not the same as mum.”_
> 
> _Harry nods. “Me too.”_
> 
> _Louis look at him._
> 
> _“Mum got remarried too but I don’t like my step-dad.”_
> 
> _Louis nods his head like he understands. “he put those iron bars up?”_
> 
> _“Yeah.” Harry says. “He beats me too.”_
> 
> _Louis removes his hands from his pockets and takes Harry’s hand in his. “I’m sorry lad.” He says. “Sounds terrible.”_
> 
> _“It is.” Harry replies._
> 
> _“Come…” Louis starts to lead him away. “Let me show you to our corn maze, I worked hard on it for several weeks.”_
> 
> _He takes Harry to the start of the maze and they walk around together getting lost and laughing about it until they find their way out._
> 
> _Louis feels happy again. Even if for a moment. He is smiling and enjoying his time._
> 
> _Harry feels free again. Even if for a moment. He is smiling and enjoying his time._
> 
> _“I like you.” Louis says coming down from laughter._
> 
> _Harry smiles. “I like you too.”_
> 
> _Louis is staring at Harry when his eyes grow dark. He turns to look over his shoulders and sees a dark raging storm coming their way._
> 
> _“We need to go back!” Harry shouts._
> 
> _“Take my hand.” Louis offers. And just like that they are back in Harry’s room but the terrified look doesn’t wash off his face._
> 
> _“What’s the matter?” Louis asks._
> 
> _“You need to go!” Harry warns. “You need to go before they see us!”_
> 
> _“I don’t want to leave you.” Louis says._
> 
> _“Please!” Harry pleads. “Please you have to go or they’ll kill us.”_
> 
> _Louis frowns. “That’s outrageous. I won’t let that happen.”_
> 
> _“He’s coming.” Harry says as his eyes grow wider._
> 
> _Louis hears the heavy footsteps draw nearer and nearer._
> 
> _“Okay I'll go... but I promise that one day I’ll come find you and we can build a home together. Okay?”_
> 
> _Harry gives him a quick nod._
> 
> _“He’s here.”_
> 
> _In that instant the door opens and Harry looks at him one last time and Louis sees nothing but terror and fear staring back at him._
> 
> _Louis is jerked back to the farm and Harry remains planted in his room._
> 
> Had it been a vision? a dream? Harry didn’t know. It never happened again and he’d long forgotten about it. His imagination often ran wild holed up in that empty room. But now… he can’t deny it. That was Louis… those same blue eyes, the smile, the touch, and the story about his mum. It all adds up. That amplified feeling he had when he first saw Louis in the trenches wasn’t because Louis was a ‘test’ or a subject to his explicit thoughts. _No_ , it was a magnified response because he had known him.
> 
> * * *

Louis spends the rest of his afternoon walking around the carrier and lounging in the common rooms in hopes of picking up more information about the evacuations but it proves fruitless. No one has any details to spare. Liam tells him to stop stressing but Louis can’t help the pang that tugs his nerves. 

He retires to bed early and replays his time with Harry.

He reflects on how he felt when he’d seen the boots the first time and how Harry had apologized for not writing back. He remembers how Harry repositioned himself to tell him that he’s ready to tell his parents the truth. And then Louis remembers being jerked back in time and finding himself in Harry’s room. He tenses his brows trying to remember the details. It slowly starts coming back to him and he watches it take by take until the handle on the door opens and he vanishes from the room.

Louis opens his eyes and stares at the ceiling. Had it been a vision? a dream? He doesn’t know. It never happened again and he ended up falling into depression that made him forget everything and everyone. He can’t deny that it was Harry though. It explains why he couldn’t take his eyes off him the first time and why he had come back to the carrier feeling absolutely horrible and angry with himself.

He’d been right to think Harry was his destiny. It was he who had decided it anyway. He chuckles at the thought and closes his eyes.

Louis tosses and turns in bed for another 10 minutes before he’s finally asleep.

> _He’s back in his colorful paradise and this time it’s his dog tags that catch on the branch._
> 
> _“Oh common.” Louis hisses. Why does entering the dreams always involve overcoming some sort of obstacle?_
> 
> _He yanks at his dog tags and the chain breaks slipping to the ground. Louis sighs and jumps down. He looks around and sees Harry approaching._
> 
> _He bends down to retrieve his dog tags and by the time he stands up Harry closes in the distance._
> 
> _“Louis!” Harry pants._
> 
> _“What’s going on?” Louis asks growing concerned._
> 
> _“I just – I – ” Harry looks around and his eyes grow wide. “Oh my…” He covers his mouth with a hand._
> 
> _“You’ve seen these flowers before.” Louis says growing impatient. “What were you going to say?”_
> 
> _“No Louis.” Harry stares him in the eyes. “I’ve seen this field in your dreams. Not mine.”_
> 
> _Louis frowns and looks around. “Well wait a minute… this IS my dream.”_
> 
> _Harry looks at him confused. “No Louis, it’s my dream.”_
> 
> _Louis’ eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Darling… I think we’ve finally become **ONE.** ” _
> 
> _Harry beams at him. His smile grows so wide that his dimple caters and it makes Louis grow weak._
> 
> _“So what we were you going to tell me?”_
> 
> _Harry’s smile quickly fades and he looks panicked again._
> 
> _“Harry?” Louis steps forward and places a hand on Harry’s shoulder. The touch causes shivers to go down Harry’s spine and a tingling feeling to spread through Louis’ fingers._
> 
> _“Louis…” Harry steps away from his touch. “I was just with Niall.” His eyes cast downwards. “He told me that we are going to separate.”_
> 
> _“What?” Louis scoffs and looks bewildered. He blinks his eyes a few times trying to make sense of it. “What do you mean with Niall? and why are we going to separate?”_
> 
> _“I was with him in my previous dream. He didn’t say why. He just said that you and I are going separate ways and that you and Liam will be split.”_
> 
> _Louis shakes his head. “What?”_
> 
> _“It’s okay.” Harry says. “He said that we’ll all find a way back together. It’s just temporary.”_
> 
> _Louis doesn’t want to believe it. Any of it. He won’t part with Liam and certainly not Harry._
> 
> _“Louis you’ve got to trust him.” Harry pleads._
> 
> _Louis is silent. His eyes penetrate through Harry wishing none of this is true. These dreams were his escape but now reality seems sweeter._
> 
> _“Louis… Liam has my address. You need to note it down and write to me. Come find me when you come home.”_
> 
> _Louis shakes his head again. **This can’t be real. This can’t be happening.**_
> 
> _He opens his mouth to speak but Harry begins to disintegrate and Louis’ words don’t form._
> 
> _The paradise that was colorful just moments ago now fades into darkness… much like his spirit._

Louis jolts up and jumps down from his bed.

“Payno!” He shouts. He shakes his shoulder and startles him from his sleep. “Payno! Do you have Harry’s address?”

Liam winces as he sits up and runs a hand over his face.

“Tommo…” He groans. “What happened?”

“Payno, do you have his address? Yes or no?”

“Yes.” Liam says. “I’ve got it written down in my book. What’s going on?”

Louis bangs his head against the top board and curses under his breath… one part of his dream has now been proven true.

_Fuckkkkkkkkk._


	7. Diversions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. After much deliberation I've decided to extend this story so that it's not too crammed in the end.

** February 20, 1942 – HMS Trenton  **

Liam hands over his log with the page to Harry’s address already open.

“Here.” He gives Louis a concerned look. “You going to tell me what’s going on now?”

Louis winces at an imaginary pain.

“Nothing confirmed yet.” He studies the address on the log. “Did you write this or did he?”

“He did.”

“Right..” Louis flips the page over. “Mind if I take this page and copy the address for you instead?”

Liam shakes his head. “Don’t mind at all.”

Louis kneels down by the bed and retrieves the pen from Liam’s hand. He tears out the page he intends to keep and copies the address to Liam’s log.

“Why do you have it?” He asks without lifting his eyes off the page. It sounds more accusatory than he means but he’s genuinely curious and trying to make sense of his dream.

“Well…” Liam places his hands on his hips. “I heard about the evacuations in Sulva Bay and figured I’d ask him for it in case, you know…” He draws his eyebrows together. “In case he got evacuated too.”

Louis remembers that he meant to ask Liam about Sulva Bay. “How’d you come by that information?” It’s another accusatory question that makes Liam feel unsettled.

“It wasn’t on purpose.” He defends. “I was in the boiler room penning out a letter and the Vice Marshal just happened to be stood outside the door and he spoke of the plans.”

“What did he say?” Louis closes the log and passes it back to Liam. He stands up, folds the paper and places it inside his jacket.

Liam tracks Louis’ steps and remains silent until Louis turns to face him again.

“I’m not supposed to repeat it.” He reminds Louis.

Louis raises a brow. “It’s only me. You can trust me.” He eggs on.

“They are evacuating all the ANZACS.” He starts. Louis nods his head, he already knows that much. “And everyone at Helles and Morto Bay during the night.” Louis squints his eyes trying to follow along.

“The plan is to leak false information about Helles pressing an attack while they evacuate during the night.”

Louis nods like he understands now. “They’re trying to mislead intelligence?” He asks.

“Exactly.” Liam responds.

“When?”

“I don’t know.” Liam raises an arm and rests his elbow on the upper bunk. “They never mentioned a date. That’s why I took his address while he was still here.”

Louis presses his lips together and nods approvingly. “You’re a true wingman Payno!” He pats Liam on the shoulder and remembers the bit about him and Liam getting split so he steps in closer and wraps his arms around him in a tight embrace.

Liam chuckles at the sudden intimacy and hugs Louis back.

“You would’ve done the same for me.” He says.

Louis stands back and quirks a brow. “I don’t know.” He says. “I could be selfish.”

“Not true! You went to Helles with me so that I can see Zayn.”

“You forced me to!" Louis half-shouts half-whispers back. "I didn’t do it willingly so that doesn’t count.”

Liam chuckles again. “Alright, alright! You are a selfish twat!” He looks back at his bed and sighs. “Back to sleep then?”

Louis smiles at his words. These could be their last few hours or days together. He’s already devastated that Harry will be sent away that he can’t bring himself to think about parting with Liam. 

“Sure.” He moves aside and lets Liam slide back into his bed.

* * *

** February 20, 1942 – Cape Helles  **

Harry is jolted awake by someone shaking his shoulder.

“Sir.” A young man whispers. “On your feet.”

Harry looks around dazed and confused. “What’s going on?” He asks.

“We are being evacuated.”

Harry sits up straighter and brushes his hair back. “What?”

“Common, we haven’t got much time. On your feet and follow the crowd.” He points towards the coastline. 

Harry stands up and looks around the beach now lit by numerous flashlights and makeshift torches. There are men dispersed in groups all marching in uniform lines towards Burnu.

“Where are we going?" Harry asks. 

"We are going home.” The younger lad responds with the pat on the back. “Off you go now!” He tells him and that’s how Harry finds himself trudging towards Tekke Burnu at 2:00 a.m. to board the HMS Elizabeth bound for England.

* * *

Liam was attempting to fall back asleep when the door to the quarters flies open and a voice startles them.

“Airmen!” The voice calls out. “To the ready room now!”

Louis jumps down from the bed and he and Liam exchange worried looks. If there was a raid, the carrier would sound her alarm but being informed by a staff member webs a whole new mystery.

They throw on some clothes and walk out with the rest of their crew and make their way to the ready room.

Louis feels something amiss. He can almost feel the split coming and it dawns on him with despair. He sits down next to Liam and puts a hand over his knee.

“You okay?” Liam asks looking concerned.

“I’m alright.” Louis doesn’t look at him. He focuses on the frazzled looking pilots slowly filling in the seats instead.

CO Tedder is joined by Vice Marshal, Hugh Lloyd at the front of the room. The pilots all look around confused and anxious at the sudden briefing taking place at 2 a.m.

“Pilots!” CO Tedder begins. “We are undertaking a secret evacuation.” He peers around the room and his eyes land on Louis with a subtle nod. “Our time in Gallipoli has reached an end. You will all be transferred to the Eastern front where your service will continue.”

Liam turns his head to look at Louis and Louis gives him a blank stare.

“You will all go pack your belongings and gather back on the deck. Our lifeboats will carry you to the HMS Elizabeth and you will join the evacuees from Helles to Gibraltar. Once you make it to the checkpoint, our Liberators will fly you out to the Eastern front. We do not know where exactly but intelligence will inform you once you reach Gib.”

There are a few whispers filling in the air around them but Louis tries to keep his focus on Tedder. _Where’s the split?_

“Pilots!” CO Tedder shouts over them. “You are to do this immediately! We can only spare you 15 minutes. Tomlinson, you stay back. The rest of you scramble!!!!”

Louis finally exhales after what seems like minutes of holding his breath _. So this is it._ _The dream is coming true in all its entirety._

He looks over to Liam who gives him a questioning look.

“What’s going on?” Liam asks.

“I don’t know.” Louis shouts over the sounds that now fill the room. “I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

He and Liam stand up and Liam looks around at the chaos of pilots recklessly scrambling all over. There are chairs that fall over and there is pushing and shoving at the doors.

“Payno!” Louis grabs his shoulder to get his attention.

“TOMLINSON!” CO Tedder’s voice shouts over the crowd.

“Payno, I don’t think I’m coming with you!” Louis’ hands fly up to his dog tags to remove them. “So promise me you will still fly?” Louis asks.

Liam looks on horrified and panic-stricken.

“Payno… Remember why you need to fly? It’s for you and Zayn!” He pulls off the plaque behind his dog tags and hands it to Liam. “Take this.” He places it in his hand and forces it shut. “It will help you like it’s helped me!”

“Tommo. I can’t fly without you!”

“You can!” Louis shouts and squeezes his arm. “You have to! It’s your only chance!”

“Tommo… what’s happening!?” Liam looks around panicking again.

“I don’t know Payno! I have no idea what’s happening but you’ve got to trust me when I tell you that we will meet again!! So please, watch your fucking tail when you fly because I won’t be there to protect you!” Louis sees that Liam looks more terrified and his eyes well up with tears.

“Payno…” Louis grabs both his shoulders. “You’re going to be on the same ship as Harry. Tell him I’m going to write him once I find out where I’m being posted. Can you do that for me?”

Liam doesn’t answer but he nods his head okay.

“Please don’t make this any harder than it already is!” Louis feels his eyes well up with tears as well.

“Tomlinson!” CO Tedder shouts again.

“You should go.” Louis says as he pulls Liam in for a hug. “I will see you back in England.” He looks around at the near empty room. “Liam Payne. You’ve been an absolute pleasure to fly with. I’m going to fucking miss you mate!!”

Liam pulls him in for another hug reluctant to let him go and all Louis can do is squeeze him back and tell him it’s going to be okay. He only knows that because Niall had told Harry in a dream and if that’s a consolation from the heavens than hell, he’ll take it!

“Promise me you will be okay?” Liam asks.

“I promise Payno! I promise you I will come home and find you and Harry!”

“Okay.” Liam nods his head and wipes the tear from his eyes. “It’s been a pleasure Tommo.” He words fall short as he tries to collect himself. 

Louis squeezes his shoulders again. “Please keep your eyes peeled when you fly.” He gives Liam a little smile in the hopes of lightening the mood.

“And you better not fly the enemies away from the raid!” Liam says through the tears and a forced smile. 

Louis nods his head okay and reluctantly lets him go. He only turns back once he’s standing at the front of the room and sees that Liam is gone. _And it hurts._

“Tomlinson, son.” CO Tedder says gently. “I’m sorry.”

Louis turns his focus back on Tedder and takes the offered seat across him and Vice Marshal Lloyd. 

“Tomlinson.” Lloyd begins. “Your services are needed in Malta.”

 _Malta… MALTA_!? Louis feels his heart sink because that’s nowhere near the Eastern front.

“You are our greatest pilot.” Tedder says. “You were the only one we could offer when the request came in.”

“You will be getting a commission of course.” Lloyd adds in.

“You will be a Wing Commander.” Tedder finishes. “You will be transferred to a new unit of the RAF.”

Louis stares on silently. He's at a loss for words. Sure he’s climbing ranks and being praised for his skills but he also feels enraged that he's being transferred without his consent or knowledge thereof. 

“You will get two escorts who will fly you out near Greece. Once you reach the checkpoint our Canadian counterparts from the RCAF in Tunisia will lead you into Takali.”

Louis swallows hard. _All this for him?_ The new squadrons will surely have high expectations of him if he's being escorted in by a number of different Air Forces. The thought of high expectations makes his stomach churn. 

“Son.” Tedder pulls him away from his thoughts. “Malta is like nothing you have ever seen. It’s an endless wave of raids and bombings. There is no rest. I wouldn’t have sent my pilots there but I had no choice.”

_Great._

Louis feels the nerves consume his body but this time he hasn’t got his plaque to squeeze for courage. 

“Lloyd. If I may, I would like a private word with my pilot.” Tedder looks at the Vice Marshal who stands up and leaves the room without further word.

Louis can’t bring himself to say a single word. He is still flabbergasted at everything that’s gone down in the past few minutes.

“Tomlinson.” Tedder says again. “It’s been an absolute honor watching you grow into a young diligent man. Of all pilots I have ever trained or instructed, you are the only one whom I can trust with the impossible.”

Louis quirks an eyebrow unintentionally. Trusting him? _If he had only known_ …

“Thank you Sir.” Louis says instead.

“Please.” Tedder raises a hand. “Don’t thank me.” He sits back in his chair and lets his gaze fall down to his lap. “I’m the one who has to thank you.” He looks back up and presses his lips together. “Tomlinson, I’m sorry about our earlier cock-ups. I can now admit that I let personal feelings get in the way of your progress.”

Louis feels his brow quirk again. _Well that’s new._

“Son, please forgive me. I was in the wrong.”

“Forgiven.” Louis’ leg begins to grow restless. This feels unusual. 

“And… I’m sorry we couldn’t divulge this information sooner to you. It was highly classified.”

“I understand.” Louis tries to stop his leg from shaking. “Why didn’t I get a say in the transfer?” He asks.

CO Tedder looks caught off guard. He swipes a finger over the top of the desk and thinks on his response.

“Well… If I offered it to you, would you have taken it?”

Louis ponders on the answer. Would he have free-willingly chosen to go to Malta? He thinks about separating from Liam… from Harry… the latter being inevitable… He thinks about the dream… Niall saying they will reunite at the end. It was only a dream yes, but deep down inside he trusts the words… He knows it’s all meant to happen this way… each going off in separate directions to grow and re-channel their experiences into a purpose… a purpose to bring them all home and reunite them together… It’s life throwing another curb to test them. This time, each on their own.

“Yes, I would have agreed to it.” Louis finally answers.

The CO nods his head and clasps his hands together. “And I knew you would which is why I agreed on your behalf.”

“What made you so sure I was going to agree?”

Tedder smiles at him and leans in closer like he’s about to divulage a secret.

“If there’s one thing I know about you, is that you never back down from a challenge and you never disappoint either.”

Louis feels the corners of his mouth twitch up. His ego is certainly inflating. 

“You are a man of your words Tomlinson!” He adds in. “I’m certain you will accomplish many great things and I certainly hope I will be there in the end to watch you reap the rewards you so well deserve.”

“That’s very honorable of you Sir.” Louis says. “I owe a lot to you for being patient with me and giving me many chances. Also for trusting me when others surely wouldn’t have.”

Louis feels himself growing emotional. He never thought he’d feel this way about his Commanding Officer but it’s true what he said. Tedder had been patient with him and gave him plenty of chances never mind all the valuable information he gained during their briefings. Tedder was known for this after all. He’d been reputable for transforming young men into national heroes. Except Louis wouldn’t call himself that. _Not yet anyway._

CO Tedder stands up and salutes him. Louis feels taken back at the gesture. It’s a big deal when your Commanding Officer stands to YOUR attention.

He rises to his feet right away and reciprocates the gesture. The two of them exchange a few more words before they walk out to meet the Vice Marshal who awards Louis with another stripe to his insignia.

Louis is then led to the pilots escorting him out to make their acquaintance. After a few exchanged words he's dismissed to gather his belongings. Walking around Trenton feels post-apocalyptic and eerie as there are no pilots on board except the high ranks, a handful of crewmen and James. 

Louis takes a seat on Liam’s bottom bunk. _Or what was Liam’s bed only a few minutes ago._ He looks around their sleeping quarters. So much has happened in here. So many tears, laughter, bantering, and worrying. It also where he and Liam exchanged their stories. He remembers the first day when they both ran in and claimed the very end bunk bed. He remembers when he brought Harry back and how he and Harry shared the bed together. It’s where he’s been having his dreams of late. Louis sighs. He stands up and runs a hand over his mattress and pillow. He'll never sleep up there again. He looks back down at Liam’s bed. _It’s going to be lonely without him._ He hopes that wherever his squadron goes, that they will be safe and do well without him. It’s a tragedy to lose everything and everyone at once. Yet, it feels familiar to him.

Louis walks to the shelves and starts throwing all his clothes into a sack. He puts on his jacket and pats at the pocket making sure Harry’s address is still tucked inside. He pulls the paper out. _Oh what the heck_ … May as well write a letter for Harry to come home to. If Malta is as restless as Tedder said it was, then he may not get chance for some time.

Louis sits down with a pen in hand and rips out a clean page from his pilot’s log.

> _My Darling Boy,_
> 
> _I imagine you met Liam on the ship to Gibraltar. I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’ve been transferred to Malta and I will send you the exact address once I arrive._
> 
> _I didn’t imagine that we’d be separated so soon. My heart weeps at that. I’m only grateful that your time at war has ended. That’s the only thought that brings me comfort now. Please remember our plan. You must be vigilant until I come back to England. I promise you that we will meet again, I just know it in my heart!_
> 
> _Sincerely yours,_
> 
> _Louis Tomlinson_

Louis delivers the letter to James who gladly takes it from his hands. “I won’t be able to post it until we get to Alexandria.” He tells him.

“It’s alright.” Louis says. “As long as it gets sent.”

“I’ll make sure of it.” James smiles. “So this is it then?”

“This is it…” Louis echoes back and stares off into the dark sky.

“Well, you make me proud over there!” He pulls Louis into a hug that catches him off balance. Louis clings onto him and tries to find his footing. He pulls away and looks at James with a sad smile. “I will do my best.” He tells him. “And James… thank you.” He bites down on his trembling lip. “You’ve been such a sport and I don’t know how to repay you.”

“Come visit me!” James says it like it’s an order and the only way to repay him. “Come to the Ipswich naval base. You’ll always have a place in my home.”

Louis tears up at the words and nods okay. 

“Don’t!” James warns. “I’m not doing this emotional good bye thing!”

Louis struggles to hold back his tears. It’s been one good bye after another and he can only hold it together for so long. 

“Get to your Spit lad. Be safe and stay out of the drink! I’ll make sure your letter gets to Harry. That’s a promise. Now… Godspeed!”

“Thanks.” Louis chokes back on more tears. “I will see you… in Ipswich.”

He walks back to his spitfire that sits between the two hurricanes escorting him out. There’s only one crewman tending to their preparations. They aren’t ready to leave just yet so Louis jumps into his cockpit, closes the canopy and lets himself weep.

It's a melancholic night… and the feeling of loneliness creeps into his heart once again.

He brings the note with Harry’s address out of his pocket and fixes it to his dashboard. He lets his fingers run over the words that Harry scribbled down himself and reminisces on their last encounter. It’s all he’s got now to help him power through the rest of the war.

* * *

Harry’s eyes never once leave the HMS Trenton once he’s onboard the HMS Elizabeth. She sits much further now and her lights are dim in the distance. His dream had come true again. He knows that Louis will be devastated when he learns that he splitting from Liam and that Harry is being evacuated. Harry feels sorry for him and wishes more than anything to speak with him and tell him that everything will be okay and that they will meet again. 

Harry’s eyes get distracted by clusters of glimmering lights that float near the ship. He sees silhouettes of lifeboats riding in from the sister ships. _Curious._ He entertains the idea of pilots possibly joining their evacuation. _Plausible._ He feels a little string of hope emanating from within and immediately walks back to the bridge.

He waits patiently as the lifeboats unload a number of personnel and watches as several bodies line up to board the Elizabeth. He tries to make out some of the faces but it’s too dark to see from where he stands.

“You can’t stand here.” An attendee tells him. “Please stand back a few meters so the pilots can start boarding.”

Harry feels elated hearing the confirmation. He obeys the order and stands off to one side while the pilots start pilling onboard. He scans all their faces profusely and grows anxious when the numbers begin dwindle down and neither Louis nor Liam are to be seen. 

One boat left.

Harry grows more restless as the remaining pilots start boarding the ship. He is overstimulated with the chatter and commotion that surround him. He tries to create a mental threshold to tune it out and at last a familiar face!

“Liam!” He shouts. It’s a good and sad feeling at once.

Liam startles at the mention of his name and finds Harry waving over the crowd.

“Harry!” He wrestles his way through the chaotic mess and grabs a hold of Harry’s arm. “Oh Harry! It’s good to see you!” Liam looks around at the bodies that crash into him and Harry. “Let’s go someplace quiet.” He shouts over the noise.

Harry nods and leads him through the deck and down to accommodations. They go one level below and navigate through the quarters until they find an empty room that’s meant for two.

“Good.” Liam comments. “All the privacy we need.” He tosses his bag on the upper bunk and turns to Harry. “Let’s have a seat?”

Harry sits down next to him and for a second he imagines what it would’ve been like had it been Louis and not Liam who boarded.

“Where is Louis going?” Harry asks. He doesn’t need to be told that Louis won’t be joining them.

“I don’t know.” Liam's voice fades out and Harry sees that he is suddenly upset. “I was instructed to leave before he found out.”

“He will be okay.” Harry assures him. "And you are going to be okay too."

Liam nods his head along like he agrees.

“He told me to tell you that he’ll write you once he’s been assigned to his post.”

Harry thanks him for delivering the message. “He has my address?”

“Yeah…” Liam’s voice drains out again and he tenses his brows like he’s thinking on something. “It’s weird…” He says. “He woke me up at half past one to get your address.” His eyes land back on Harry and Harry feels time seize around them.

“He must’ve had one of his dreams.” Liam tacks on.

“Dreams?” Harry inquires.

“He has these premonitory dreams sometimes.”

Harry’s heart skips a beat.

“What does he see?”

Liam shrugs. “They involve having dialogues with you and always take place in some garden or field as he describes.”

Harry’s eyes grow wide and his jaw goes slack. His reaction doesn’t go unnoticed by Liam who raises a brow in question.

“You have them too?” Liam asks.

Harry nods his head slightly and Liam chuckles under his breath.

“Wow…” He shakes his head at Harry. “Why am I not surprised?”

Harry is still too stunned to speak. He thinks back on all his previous dreams and wonders which they’ve shared. This is perhaps the strangest occurrence yet. Not even hearing Niall’s voice was this perplexing.

“I’m really glad you decided to give him a chance.” Liam says interrupting his thoughts.

“Oh…” Harry starts to feel giddy at the mention of it. “Yeah..” He smiles at Liam. “I’m glad I did too.”

He keeps the smile plastered on his face as he thinks about the previous morning. It feels like a long time ago because much has changed since.

“He was very upset that he didn’t get to spend more time with you.”

Harry smiles wider at the statement. It’s nice to have someone talk about Louis, especially someone who knows him better than Harry does.

“I’ll see him again.” Harry says with certainty. "We will all meet again in England."

“Sure.” Liam says. "I'd love that."

Harry turns his attention to Liam’s life. “You must be excited to see Zayn again.” He remarks.

Liam frowns at his words and falls back onto the bed. Harry does the same mostly because he’s tired and really wants to sleep on a bed again.

“Harry I’m not going home.” He tells him. “We are getting off at Gibraltar. Our squadron is being rerouted to the Eastern front.”

“Oh?” Harry gives him a curious look. _So it doesn’t end here…_

“Louis told me that Zayn wrote you.”

Harry nods yes. “It was nice to hear from him.”

Liam smiles at him fondly. “You should go visit him. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see a familiar face.”

Liam sighs and rests his arms behind his head. He wishes he could’ve been the familiar face.

“I will try my best.” Is all Harry offers because that will depend on circumstances at home and whether or not he’ll be able to leave the house without interrogation. 

“You sound tired.” Liam says. “You want to sleep?”

Harry yawns just as he says it and chuckles when he meets Liam’s gaze. “I suppose I am.” He rubs at his eyes. “I can fall asleep like this.”

Liam gives him a little smile and stares up at the wooden planks. He’s gotten used to Louis’ weight pressing through the cracks but tonight the mattress lies flat and Louis’ voice only sounds in his head. Liam sighs. He looks over to Harry and finds the boy already asleep. Liam watches him for a second longer and wonders how it is that Harry has made him feel much better in such a short amount of time. His insistence of them meeting again sounds promising and Liam is convinced by every single word that comes from his mouth. He smiles when Harry turns over and throws a leg over him. Liam leaves it hanging there and closes his eyes preparing to entertain thoughts of what lies ahead for him.

* * *

** February 20, 1942 – Flying over the Mediterranean **

It’s sunrise when Louis finally touches down in Takali, Malta. The RCAF pilots overhead wag their wings signaling their departure and he whispers a silent 'thank you.'

It had been an uneventful flight up until his escorts were swapped with the RCAF pilots who gave him only one warning “Do not engage the enemy.” Louis didn’t know what to expect but minutes later he had his answer. Malta was like Christmas on main street. It was lit up from every corner minus the jolly spirits and pleasantries. The traffic in the air was like the traffic in the heart of London. To say it was busy was understatement. He had no idea how pilots avoided colliding with their own men.

He watched as the Messerschmitts and Italian Marchettis took on the Spitfires with skillful ease and fatal shots. He got shot at himself during his descent but a Spitfire in his blind spot took out the Macchi with one blow. Louis watched the Spitfire pilot line up with his plane and give him a thumbs up. Louis returned the gesture and mouthed a quick thank you. He already knew two things about this young pilot who came to his aid: 1. he has mastered deflection shooting and 2. he flies recklessly because seconds later the boy was doing all sorts of stunts in the air trying to outfly a Macchi. Louis knows he’s met his match.

Malta will surely make a pilot out of him yet!

Louis unstraps himself from his cockpit when a Spitfire suddenly lands next to him without warning. Clearly the airfield in Malta is much different than that on Trenton. Here, planes take off and land seemingly anywhere so long as they don’t hit anything.

Louis jumps out of his cockpit and sees the same pilot from earlier jump down next to him.

“Great shot!” Louis tells him.

The young pilot laughs and dismisses it like it’s no big deal. He walks up to Louis and extends a hand. “New face.” He says sizing him down. “You must be one of the new top dogs.” He smirks and Louis can already tell this boy has a problem with the higher ups.

“Wing Commander Tomlinson.” He says into the handshake. “Call sign Hawkeye.”

The pilot gives him a begrudging smile. “Flying Officer Beurling.” He retracts his hand. “Call sign used to be Screwball but now they call me Buzz.”

Louis chuckles. “That’s a shame.” He says. “I quite like Screwball.”

The pilot smiles wide at his response. Louis knows he must’ve made an impression on him because the pilot suddenly drops his tough boy act.

“So did I.” He says.

“You’re not English?” Louis points out the obvious but the boy is wearing a RAF uniform so there’s reason to question it.

“No.” Buzz quirks a brow likely at Louis’ quick observation. “I’m Canadian.” He puts his hands on his hips and judging from his stance, he may be uncomfortable. “RCAF wouldn’t take me cuz I had no education.”

Louis gives him a look of understanding. He had no higher education himself but luckily the RAF weren’t as picky as their Canadian counterparts.

“Well Buzz… they missed out because I can already tell you’re a stellar pilot.”

The young pilot smiles under his bated breath and nods his head to thank him.

“I better get going lad. I got business to tend to!” Louis looks around scanning for the office he’s meant to present to.

“You’re going to want to go there.” The pilot points to a building on their left side.

“Thanks mate.” Louis gives him a pat on the back and strolls away.

“Hawkeye!” The young pilot calls after him and jogs up. “One thing about it here - You won’t have time to be scared!”

Louis doesn’t know what prompted him to say it but he thanks him anyway and continues on his way.

* * *

** February 23, 1942 – HMS Elizabeth **

Harry and Liam have been at sea for three days. They spend most of their time locked up in their sleeping quarters swapping stories of dogfights and trench warfare or talking about Zayn and Louis. Harry loves hearing stories of Louis stirring trouble and landing himself in the Orderly Room. He didn’t think Louis was so mischievous but knowing the boy’s got spunk and edge only makes Harry want to get to know him better. 

When they pass through Malta, all the soldiers and pilots get orders to stay inside their room. There are Cant Bombers flying in the area and the HMS Elizabeth is escorted by naval battleships and RAF fighters until she passes Tunisia and nears Gibraltar.

Liam knows it’s only a matter of hours before he and Harry split so he pulls Harry aside for a candid talk about his trip back home. Liam reminds him of the plan he and Louis agreed to and reassures Harry that soon they will all be free. Harry promises to do his part. “I’ll see about finding a job myself.” He tells Liam. “Good. Good on you Harry.” He squeezes his shoulder. “I just hope this war ends soon.” Liam adds.

“I hope so too.” Harry replies.

Liam watches as Harry begins to grow distant in thought. He’s done it a few times throughout the journey and Liam wonders what it is that pulls him away with such grip.

“Everything okay?” Liam finally asks.

Harry’s eyes land on him when he speaks and he reassures him that everything is okay but Liam senses something off.

“Harry. Something is clearly bothering you. What is it?”

Harry opens his mouth to speak but the words don’t come until a few seconds later.

“The dreams.” He says. “They stopped.”

Liam gives him a puzzled look.

“Could it be the distance?” 

Harry shrugs. He doesn’t know what the reason is. They stopped just as suddenly as they had started.

“Don’t you worry about it.” Liam reassures. “I’m sure Louis is fine and will write you soon.”

Harry tries to look hopefully but his slumped posture gives him away. 

“Here.” Liam unfastens his chain and removes Louis’ plaque from the order. “You should have this.” He offers it to Harry who stares at it with tense brows.

“What is it?” He asks.

“It’s Louis’ token of bravery. He gave it to me right before we split.” He places it in Harry’s hand who studies it carefully.

It’s neither foreign nor known to him. He had possessed it in his dreams but he never inspected it closely.

“He used to grab his dog tags whenever he was anxious.” Harry says.

Liam nods. “Yeah, it was on his chain, it gave him courage.”

“I can’t take this.” Harry says handing it back. “He entrusted it to you.”

Liam pulls his hands away in protest. “No Harry, I’ve got letters from Zayn to keep me going. You should have it. It only makes sense that you take it from here.”

Harry looks on a little hesitant but Liam pats him on the back and repeats that Harry should be the one to keep it.

“Thank you.” Harry mutters under his breath while running his finger around the edges of the plaque. Liam gives him another pat on the back before standing up to start packing his clothes.

“What’s the story behind it?” Harry asks from the bottom bunk.

Liam ducks down and gives him an apprehensive glare.

“He never told you?” He asks.

Harry shakes his head no.

Liam steps back and lets his eyes linger on the plaque while he recalls the details of the stories.

“Well…” Liam hesitates to begin. “I guess a while back he was struggling a lot. So he took his dad’s shot gun into the barn. He put the muzzle in his mouth and was ready to take his life but something stopped him.”

Liam meets Harry’s eyes and quickly looks away. It feels strange to be sharing an intimate detail of someone else's life.

“He took the bullet out of the gun and kept it on him. Once he enlisted he took the bullet to the blacksmith and asked them to flatten it down.”

Liam shrugs. He’s told the story as best he could.

Harry continues to run his fingers over the plaque. A million questions now spring to mind and he feels different towards this piece of metal that sits in his palm.

“He said taking the bullet out of that gun was the most courageous thing he’s ever done. That’s why he keeps it on him. To remember that he’s got it in him to keep fighting.”

“I see.” Harry says. “Did he tell you what stopped him?”

“No.” Liam responds turning back to his packing. “I guess you’ll have to ask him when you see him next.”

“Mhmm…” Harry leans back on the bed and continues to examine the plaque. He knows why Louis felt the need to take his life but what compelled him to change his mind? He tries to recall the time Louis had given it to him in the dream but even then, Louis had not spared any details.

* * *

** February 23, 1942 – Takali, Malta **

Louis sits up and runs a hand through his hair. He feels weak. Malta had been exactly as Tedder and Buzz had described. There was no rest for the wicked.

He feels a pair of eyes staring at him and from the corner of his eyes he can see that Buzz is looking at him from over his notebook.

“Can’t sleep?” He asks.

Louis requested to share the same barracks as Buzz on his first day. There was something about the young boy that made Louis want to keep a close watch on him. He wasn’t sure why at first but no sooner did he realize that Buzz was a replica of who he had been only a few weeks ago.

“Nothing interesting to see.” Louis says as he flops down from the bed. It's no lie, he hasn't seen dreams about Harry since his last night on the HMS Trenton.

“I suppose the action outside is all the drama you need.” Buzz responds.

“Yeah… well.” Louis quirks his head to the side and takes out a cigarette. He almost offers one to Buzz but remembers that the kid abstains from smoke and alcohol. A most curious thing but he respects it.

“Why aren’t you flying?” Louis asks him.

“On a break.”

Louis takes a drag of his cigarette and watches as Buzz returns to the algorithms in his notebook. He likes the new squadrons under his wing. Most of them are young but they are highly skilled pilots. _It’s a shame,_ he thinks, _that most of them won’t ever go home_. Malta is a big gamble and Buzz seems to get a kick out of it. “I ain’t leaving Malta, no Sir! I’m going out in my Spit!” It's what he had told Louis as he scrambled to his Spit with unshaken confidence. He was a little too cocky for someone on borrowed time.

Louis made a mental note to have a heart-to-heart with him but Malta didn’t afford any time for that. They all took shifts flying in and out and napping for a few minutes in between before taking to the skies again.

On the second day Louis finally managed to pen out a quick letter to Harry to give him the exact address and that had been all. All thoughts of Harry were forced aside by the ongoing dogfights and night bombings that shook Malta to its core.

Louis stubs out his cigarette and grabs his coat off the hook.

“I’ll see you in the air.” He calls out behind his shoulder.

“Yeah! see you there.” 

* * *

** February 25, 1942 – London  **

Harry steps out of the cab and looks at the familiar house that stands before him. It's a two story townhouse painted in white and embellished with black trims. He feels his chest tightening as he closes the cab door and steps onto the pavement that leads to the front door.

His journey after Gibraltar had been a lonely one. He sat out on the deck watching the sea and only took to bed at night. It was a repeat of his journey to Gallipoli minus the company. The waves around him grew more turbulent as he thoughts clashed together. How is he going to explain why he hasn’t written? What’s he going to say about the promise he made? Would they be happy to see him again? Would it be different this time? Would he be able to get a job or leave the house to see Zayn? It’s only been 3 weeks since he left but even then so much has changed.

He swallows thickly as he sounds the doorbell.

He hears the thudding of heavy steps approaching the door and he holds his breath.

“Already home?” The voice questions.

Harry looks up at his now estranged father.

“Hi.” His voice is rusty.

“What are you doing here?” He holds the door barring entrance.

“We were evacuated.” Harry answers.

The man scoffs. Even without speaking he’s got a way of being condescending.

“Are you sure about that?”

Harry feels uncomfortable at the implication of his question.

“Yes.” He says. “Why else would I be coming home so soon?”

The man raises his brows and gives him a disapproving look. “You tell me boy. Not the first time you’re sent home packing!”

Harry steps back and bows his head down in defeat. _This again._

“We were evacuated.” He repeats. “I’m sure it’ll be all over the news. You can check my discharge papers if you'd like.” He avoids looking at the man. “Now can I please come inside? and where is mum?”

The man’s beady eyes don’t trail off him as he steps back and clears the doorway for him.

“She’s at work.” He says coldly.

Harry steps inside and immediately smells the alcohol on Richard's breath. He looks around the living room. Not much has changed and it still reeks of hate and judgment. He feels the scars on his back burn as if the place triggers a physiological response. 

“Where are my boots?” The man asks.

Harry turns back startled at the sudden question. “They uh… they got torn.”

“Torn!?” The man shouts. “You’ve been away for two weeks and managed to get them torn?” He scoffs again.

“I was in the trenches!” Harry shouts back. “There was nothing I can do to protect them!”

The man slams the door shut and it causes Harry to jump in place. He turns away and scurries to his room as Richard continues muttering obscenities under his breath.

Harry closes the door behind him and looks around his bedroom. It’s as shabby and miserable as he left it. He walks over to the bed and lets himself fall down against the bare mattress.

“You need to get out of here.”

Harry startles at the sound and jumps to his feet in terror.

“Niall!?!” Harry’s face grows pales as he watches Niall fleet from one corner of his room to his bedside.

“Harry. You need you to grab your stuff and get the hell out of here!” Niall warns.

“This.. What? No I’m definitely losing my mind…” Harry closes his eyes and opens them again but Niall is still standing there.

“Harry. Listen to me! Grab you bag and get out!”

“What?” Harry’s eyes grow wide. These visions are getting out of hand.

“HARRY!” Niall shouts. “Your folks read Louis’ letter. They know about you two. If you don’t run away right now he’s going to kill you!!!”

Harry is still frozen in place.

“You have to trust me! The lunatic is on his way to grab his pistol. You need to leave!!”

“How?” Harry struggles to form his words. “How are you here?” He looks absolutely mental and he wonders if maybe that’s the reason there are iron bars on his window.

“I don’t have time to explain. Now please!!! Grab your stuff and let’s go!”

Harry looks around. What is he supposed to take and where is he going to go?

He opens the closet door and finds his old school bag. He rummages through his dresser and throws in a pile of spare briefs and undershirts all the while Niall keeps moving in and out of his room.

“Where am I going to go?” He asks him.

“You’re going to Zayn’s.”

Harry frowns. He’s not one to ask favors from people.

“Okay. Stop. You need to run down right now! I’m going to distract him as best I can.” Niall disappears again and Harry’s door creaks opens on its own. Harry peers outside into the corridor and finds it empty. He runs down the stairs and out into the living room before tripping on the carpet and falling face first onto the floor.

“Where do you think you are going?” A voice calls out behind him. _Shit._ Harry begins to stand up when he hears the lock and load. _Fuck._ The lights in the living room begin to flicker. Harry gets a quick glimpse of Richard’s position who is looking around the room startled by the sudden flickering. The pistol is no longer aimed at him so Harry prepares to take off. Behind him, the door opens on its own and his pathway is lit up.

“You fucking degenerate! You’ve brought demons into our house!!!”

Harry takes a few steps back while keeping his eyes on Richard. Somewhere from inside the room he can hear Niall cackling with laughter.

“You son of a bitch! I’m no demon!” Niall yells back at him.

Harry laughs as he turns the other way and takes off running. Richard aims his gun and takes a shot at the door frame but Harry’s quick legs are already running him down the street and towards a crowd that Richard wouldn’t dare shoot at.

Harry stops the first vacant cab and slips inside. He pulls out Zayn’s letter and reads out the address to the driver before slumping back against his seat.

He takes a few deep breaths to collect himself and chuckles under his breath. That was a most unfortunate series of events but thanks to Niall he is safe once again! Harry feels instantly lighter having escaped the gloom that is Richard’s house. He doesn’t know why he bothered to return. Surely living on the streets is better than being home. He’s accustomed to sleeping outdoors anyway so what does it matter now? Besides he can try to find a job and perhaps a bed in one of the men’s homeless shelters. Surely they have some vacancy now that many men are at war. Harry begins to come down from the adrenaline rush when he finally remembers the most important thing. _Louis._

Niall said they had read Louis’ letter. Harry is never going to get his hands on it and he’s never going to learn where Louis is. Harry sighs deeper into his seat and closes his eyes as the realization sets in.

_Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They say when a person is in serious danger they are able to call on spirits to protect them or guide them.


End file.
